I am babysitting my business partner's 55 year old overly affectionate sister! I need advice.

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Silvana 1979
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I am babysitting my business partner's 55 year old overly affectionate sister! I need advice.

Post by Silvana 1979 » Sat Jul 13, 2019 8:44 pm

I need advice. Sorry for the long post, I would really appreciate it if you read it. I don’t know how to get out of this situation! I’m writing this post because basically I’m lost. I don’t know what to do. I am a 40 year old heterosexual woman. My husband and I have been married for 14 years and have a 13 year old daughter! I am 5ft10 tall heterosexual curvy hourglass shaped attractive brunette. I have very large breasts and i do have a big butt. I don't intend to dress in any particular 'way' for anyone. I just wear what I like. I don't 'ask' for anything. I don't ask to be groped. I wear clothes that fit me properly. Most of my outfit are satin pant and skirt suits satin coats and satin and silk blouses. I am always on high heels and full make up on. If you are curvy, tall and busty, many clothes tend to look sexier on you than on a thin person. So things that fit properly that are relatively conservative can be suddenly too revealing and sexy when you put it on. This happens to me a lot. I wear almost always my satin and silk blouses fully buttoned to the top combined with a satin skirt or satin pants. I don't wear anything vulgar but because of my body type anything i wear looks tight on me. Being tall and curvy draws attention on its own. This can be both positive and negative. I tower over plenty of men and women. I was sexualised from a very early age, and shamed for the way my body looks - something I have no control over. I can't help how wide my hips grow or how big my breasts get.

My mother used to shame me for the way my body looked. If I wanted to wear a skirt or dress, she always discouraged it, she always thought my skirt was 'too short' or 'too tight', or there was something wrong with my dress-sense. There's always guys flirting or asking me for my number. When I go out in public guys start talking to me and subtly try to ask me out. I mention I have a husband but some of them wont go away. I have trouble being mean so i cant get them to leave me alone. I end up getting stressed by it. The irony is that all this time I've been afraid of men, perceiving any touch as a sexual advance that I should fear - when really, it was a short, skinny old woman I should have feared.

About two years ago I started a business with a friend. A small accounting firm. Six months ago my business partner's sister, who i have never met before, moved here in this community. Four months ago she started working in our firm. She is a 55 year old skinny really short like 5ft3 wrinkled face thin lips green eyes gray haired masculine woman. On her first work day she walked up to me in the hallway and started stroking my back, saying that she just can’t resist touching and stroking satin fabric because It's just so soft and smooth to touch when rubbing.

I took this opportunity to be friendly and smile at her, because she it was her first day and she is my friend and business's partner's sister. I wonder if this was a mistake now, maybe I should not have been so friendly at first? But I mean, I really had no reason not to be, y'know? Since then she just walks up to me seemingly perplexed, and rubs my back or arms the same way someone might pat a pregnant lady's belly. She started patting and rubbing my back,wrap her hands around my waist, tight from behind and hugging me (for no reason). She is always hugging me around my waist.Sometimes several hugs in a row.She also always places her hand on my ass when i stand beside her.

Also because she is really short and i am tall always when she is hugging me she is pressing her face on my breasts and she is "accidentally"coping a feel of my butt. She says that because i am much taller than her, the hugs make her feel very secure and cared for. She calls me big woman. She is always joking that, because she is always in flat shoes and i am always on high heels, standing next to me she looks like a midget. She says that she is asexual. This weird woman my business partner's sister is super affectionate with me, and for some reason she just feels compelled to be more affectionate with me, like hold my hand or hug me randomly (we hug goodbye every day but sometimes she just loves to hug me for no reason). I'm not a physically affectionate person outside of my marriage. I don't mind it, so I don't go for hugs but I will receive them if that's what someone is into, but that's about it. But this woman my business partner's sister is very physically affectionate. Often in my own office she just rubs my shoulders while i am sitting or she sits on the arm of my chair running her hands across my shoulders/arms, collar bones, upper chest, and putting her head on my shoulder while I'm doing my work. It makes me really uncomfortable, but I feel like I may be overreacting? She repeatedly tells me she is asexual, but I feel really awkward. .

I don't feel violated, but I feel uncomfortable and annoyed. She seems harmless to me because I am physically stronger than her i am 5ft10 tall well built well endowed and curvy.She is like 5ft3 tall skinny . As she says I am always on high heels she is always in flat shoes, standing next to me she looks like a midget. Nine days ago we were leaving and this woman my business partner's sister commented that my breasts are so large, reached with her both hands and gave my breasts what I can only describe as a jiggle-squish. How it ended? I snapped and told her that was NOT ok, then had to spend the next 20 minutes saying I wasn't actually mad so she would stop crying in the middle of the parking lot. So she got handsy and i ended up apologizing.

How can I discourage this woman my business partner’s sister from touching me/rubbing me/hugging me/getting in my personal space in a way that makes me uncomfortable without offending her? I know that many women have to deal with worse, and I should just “man up”, but I am an extremely non-confrontational person, and I usually prefer to endure something uncomfortable than draw attention or displease the other person.

As far as having intimacy with a woman? That’s just something that I haven’t done and will probably not do so. I’m a straight woman, never got turned on by women. Usually when this short skinny old weird woman who shouldn’t be touching me try to… I just kinda… let her do the touching, rubbing and hugging, but I basically just sit/stand pretty stiffly. She isn’t a horrible woman she is really very pleasant but something about her and her need to hug or touch me makes me very uncomfortable. I decided to try tolerating it, since this woman is my friend’s sister.

It is all my fault. I complained to my business partner and friend about her sister, but she says that her sister is totally asexual and that she is drawn to me because i am tall and always dressed up in satin and silk clothes. She says that her sister is just showing appreciation for my clothes and my height. My business partner is saying that I am an amazing support to her sister. She is saying that her sister has been suffering from anxiety and depression for a number of years now. She says that her sister is too socially awkward and she wants her sister at the very least to be able to socialize when she has to. She says that her weird sister doesn’t understand what kinds of things aren’t really okay to do/say in social situations, that she thinks that nobody likes her, she never wants to leave the house or socialise with others too long, and has struggled to find enjoyment in anything or have anything ‘to look forward to’. My friend is very satisfied that her sister is coming to work every day and she is very grateful to me. Also this weird touchy feely woman never touches me in front of her sister, so she thinks that i am over overexaggerating.

I really don’t know what to do? There is nothing more I can do. Either I take it the way it is, or I just tell her to stop, which of course involves the risk that it messes up everything. And probably it will not matter what I say. Some of other women my employees notice our behavior and they have a confused looks on their faces. I am considered by most of other women my employees to be very serious, arrogant, and stuck up. Also one woman my employee is always commenting on my clothing saying that i am always overdressed in satin and silk.

How do I tell her off without causing tension? She is extremely touchy feely with me. She does have “power” over me. She can muck things up for me with her sister my business partner and friend. I don’t know her very well and don’t want to push any sensitive buttons. I really don’t want to offend her because of my friend/business partner. She is is very protective of her weird creepish sister. I’ve got to be careful and handle this gracefully.

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Re: I am babysitting my business partner's 55 year old overly affectionate sister! I need advice.

Post by boulding » Tue Jul 16, 2019 1:32 pm

Hi Sylvana

You are overthinking this to the point of rationalising it and normalising the situation. This behaviour is completely unacceptable and creepy. She has no right to put her hands on you in this disrespectful and inappropriate way. All the while you put up with this disgusting and disturbing behaviour you are enabling her and helping to create an unprofessional work environment.

This is what you do. Sit down and write a very polite friendly short letter and tell her that her continual touching is inappropriate and is making you feel uncomfortable and that she needs to stop. Tell her you wish her well but you are not prepared to tolerate this any longer. After you've sent it do not get involved in any discussion with her just reiterate that the touching has to stop.

This is your business and you have a legal responsibility to create a safe working space not just for yourself but for your employees. Nobody should be subjected to this demeaning and inappropriate behaviour.

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