Is he manipulating my close friend?

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Is he manipulating my close friend?

Postby Elmorulez » Wed Dec 27, 2017 8:39 pm

So, a really close friend of mine is dating this guy . She's 22 (white) he's 27 Muslim. They met through Bumble. So, today he sends her a Whatsapp message saying how he's 'planned to go to Manchester with a group of friends, that he's left his phone charger behind and that he'll speak to her friday night, then sends her a snapchat message saying how he's doing errands in London etc asking her about her plans. She gets annoyed cause he seemed to lie to her. She's spending time with her folks during the holidays, she told him she was going to see more family this weekend. They haven't met in person in over a week but have spoken to each other through social media. He's been like this before when she's been with her folks, he wanted to face-time her one evening but she couldn't she was spending time with family at a concert, got back quite late at night and went to sleep. He told her the next day he thought she was bored of him. He got annoyed with her one time cause she missed his call dealing with the postman, told him she hadn't got the notification of him calling, and he accused her off lying. Another incident happened when she was doing her Masters degree work, she ignored his call, cause she wanted to finish her essay , he cancelled plans on meeting her cause he didn't believe that she was doing work. This has been going on for quite a while.

He's informed her now that he hopes to see her around, and deleted social media. I think he may have ended it with her
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Re: Is he manipulating my close friend?

Postby Tarantula » Fri Dec 29, 2017 11:03 am

This sounds like moderately controlling behaviour to me. He's acting this way because he's insecure, not because he's actually having a great time and is getting a sadistic kick out of manipulating her.

If they haven't been together that long, then I think the morning shows the day with this one, and if these petty antics are already happening on the regular then it don't look good.

Your part in this is to let her know your concerns, but let her make her own decisions. If he was doing worse, then I would say, you really must intervene. But I don't think it's that bad... yet.
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Re: Is he manipulating my close friend?

Postby Elmorulez » Fri Dec 29, 2017 4:42 pm

That's what I picked up on that he was trying to control her. I also feel that he is jealous. Jealous of the fact that she's spending time with family , whens she's not putting him above anything else. He's going to be acting this way every time shes' not in her home time with him. His family don't celebrate Christmas either. They've only been dating less then a month.

He's recently told her that he doesn't feel she cares enough about him, and that she doesn't trust him because she went behind his back and spoke to her sister and his best friend about what was going on . He was telling her things like "life's full of surprises" "that' he'll see her around" almost sounding like he's ending it, being very coy with things. He's also told her that he's "sensitive" to swearing. That he was hurt cause she swore at him, when it was provoked. His family used to swear at him and he stopped talking to them because of it . If it was a normal healthy relationship he wouldn't have pretended to be somewhere else and not be contactable.
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Re: Is he manipulating my close friend?

Postby Tarantula » Fri Dec 29, 2017 4:59 pm

Okay the more you say, the more it's slipping into a red zone in my view.

Less than a month? Ok, forget it then. This is obviously not going to go well. I hope he has ended it and that if he hasn't, then she will.
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Re: Is he manipulating my close friend?

Postby Elmorulez » Fri Dec 29, 2017 5:41 pm

yeah, do you think I'm right in what I've said about this whole situation? I'm not sure how to give her advice on this. I kinda have feelings for her too, which I think she knows about too.
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Re: Is he manipulating my close friend?

Postby Tarantula » Fri Dec 29, 2017 10:49 pm

Right yeah I saw that coming.

Don't try to rescue her. She almost certainly is aware of your feelings, but evidently sees you just as a friend who she can complain to about the guy she's with. That's the zone you're in for now.. and probably forever to be honest.

The next time she brings him up, just tell her what you think, as you've said it here.
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Re: Is he manipulating my close friend?

Postby stephie2 » Tue Jan 09, 2018 1:41 pm

Totally agree with Tarantula!

This relationship will not go far if he is starting with control tactics at this early stage. By all means tell her what you think but don't try to tell her what to do or that could be interpreted of your feelings towards her getting in the way.
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