Opinions Please

Maybe you have fallen out with your mate, or perhaps you are about to betray them - whatever it is, talk about it here.
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Opinions Please

Postby Sheylahboo50 » Sun Aug 27, 2017 5:47 pm

I have been with my partner/friend for 17 years. He moved in after 3 months and I would say a vast amount of that time we have argued. I can never do anything right, I drive the wrong way, I park the wrong way. I feed him too much, things are not cooked enough etc etc. (I am 67 he is 73). I must be wrong with things sometimes I have to be.
I have many times asked him to leave my house and because I do not want to be alone (I was a widow when we met) I always asked him to stay. He even left (twice) and again I asked him back. Mad I know, but this I did. I would say about 5 weeks ago things came to a head again after coming home from holiday and I told him to get out, and this time I am going through with it. I cannot tell you how guilty I feel, he will be homeless. I am helping him to get a place, and would cook meals and freeze them for him and do stuff for him but that also seems a mad thing to do. I do work (I like working apart from the money I like being with people).
He hasn't worked for a long time(8 years) and until about 6 months ago I didn't let money become an issue but it has become a bit of an issue now with me because he moans that he has no money and he does get a fair amount of money weekly for himself. He pays very little towards the house so he really shouldnt be complaining. He is still with me, he is waiting for a place from the council. I treat him as I have always treated him, breaky in bed (mad I know) cooking and doing everything.
I feel guilty more because of his age and he is ailing. He has diabetes, short term memory loss, waterworks problems etc.
My question is how can I combat by guilt's about throwing him out, he is old for his age and I should have done this years ago so at least he could have met someone else.
I am a young 67 year old, I am very lucky I have my health I am not too over weight and I work which I enjoy. He is old, very over weight, nice at this present time because he is leaving and obviously not believing that I am going through with it. So opinions to combat my feelings and situatio 'please. I have made my bed and because of the scare of being on own have let this go on for too long. He hasn't/doesn't even say that he likes/loves or wants me he just says he doesn't want to leave.
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Re: Opinions Please

Postby David020549 » Sun Aug 27, 2017 9:05 pm

You have nothing to feel guilty about, he has been treating you badly and it's time for him to go, he does not sound in the best of health, that is only going to get worse and before you know it you will be nursing him 24/7. Has he got any family, children or siblings

He will be homeless, but that is the only way, while he is with you the council will do nothing, he actually has to leave before the council will take action, accommodation will be found. If he cannot look after himself some kind of sheltered housing will be found.

As a "young 67" you have many active years to enjoy, it will be hard but you have been a doormat too long.
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Re: Opinions Please

Postby Sheylahboo50 » Sun Aug 27, 2017 9:28 pm

Thank you for your reply, I appreciate you taking time to do it.
I have given him notice and the council has the letter to say after a certain date he will be homeless. I agree its now or never and sad to say it has to be now. He does have a family, I have spoken to them and they say they will help to move him when he gets a place and funnily enough they have been very nice to me. I would have looked after him but I really don't want to put up with his behavior any more albeit I should have done this before.Its not my freedom that I want but freedom from him Thanks again.
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Re: Opinions Please

Postby Sheylahboo50 » Wed Aug 30, 2017 6:04 am

Please anyone I would really appreciate another opinion from some one. This is not as clean cut as it seems.
When he behaves in a nice way I always get drawn back in and think he has/will change. He is now being very nice, and knows that I am wobbling yet again about him leaving.
Common sense tells me that if I don't do it now that will be my life from now on and things will only return back to him saying stuff etc to me.
I have told him how sad I am, which he knows, and that its a shame etc etc.He does not and has not said anything back to me. Probably because he believes he isn't leaving. I am sticking to my guns or at least so far.
I feel guilty and also don't relish the idea of being on my own, I have very, very few people around me.
Thanks
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Re: Opinions Please

Postby snail » Thu Aug 31, 2017 1:07 pm

If you do not want him in your house because he does not treat you well, then you have every right to ask him to leave. Since he has a family, he will not be without support and people around him anyway - in fact it sounds like they are very willing to help. Please don't back down again - when that happened before, you always regretted it, and you will regret it again. All this time is time wasted when you could perhaps be looking to meet someone else who could give you much more. When he is nice to you, you wobble because you so want that happy companionship, but as soon as he feels secure, it is taken away again. Well with someone else you could have it for real. Or even if not, you could use all that extra money and extra time now taken up dealing with him on something else - a hobby or a club or a holiday - where you will have a laugh and make friends.
These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb.

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Re: Opinions Please

Postby Sheylahboo50 » Thu Aug 31, 2017 8:26 pm

Thank you for your reply. I agree with you and I am going to go ahead with it. It is just so scary the thought of being on my own.
I do need more in my life, not a man particularly, friendship/companionship yes, and I could do with a laugh. Wish me luck. Thank you again.

Really appreciate you took the time to speak to me.
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Re: Opinions Please

Postby stephie2 » Thu Nov 16, 2017 3:37 pm

You can do it! You are at the age where you should be happy now living out your retirement not taking rubbish from someone that is making you feel bad. That is not living it is existing. Don't feel bad for others situations. He is in that situation because he chooses to be. Concentrate on you and your life from here on end :)
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