Now What?

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Ackee
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Now What?

Post by Ackee »

My girl left for over 16 months ago but since then she has given me mixed signals. Sleepovers,dinners,talked old memories,showed me saved old pics of us,showed saved old messeges,showed me saved old sex pics of us. She invited me to stay over,she slept naked. We had sex once on her initiativ.
She has given me mixed signals for so long!
We got a child togheter and i wanted my family back.

The kid turned 1,5 years old and it was my childweek. I usually surprise my ex with the kid AND i got a key to her apartment when she moved in for almost a year ago.
We went to her place,used the key and went in.

Walked to the bedroom,opened the door. I saw her jumping another man. She came out and asked me if i wanted coffe. I just....What!?? She told me she was feeling very down because of the separation and the new guy was only sex. She said "he is nothing serious just sex but it feels strange to say so when i lays in my bedroom"
She also Said she loved sex with me but it would complicate things for our kid if we had sex(??!!??)
She said she was very afraid to see me with another(??)
What?? She is jelous and chucked another 2 mins ago!?
They had been sneaking for a week or two because of me,that tells me she knew my feelings for her.
She wanted everything should be like before,hanging out,dinners,coffe,sleepovers etc.

The kid and i went home of Course. Now i blocked her on social media and no contact more then sms about the kid. Leaving and fetching the kid is at preschool now. Why did she do this!?
Why is she jelous? What do i do now??
My first language is not English.....


Hello, Ackee, and welcome to Problem Pages! In case you are surprised that some of your post has changed a bit, that's because the automatic swear filter has changed some of the words you used. Try to keep it clean, please. Thanks!
peecee (Admin)
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Smiler
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Re: Now What?

Post by Smiler »

Hi.
I think you know the solution to this deep down. And that is tell yourself (and her) enough is enough.
She is using you, plain and simple. Your number one priority is your child, not this silly game she is clearly playing.
I wish you all the best.
Smiler
Smile at life, and life will smile back at you :D
Ackee
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Re: Now What?

Post by Ackee »

I did something stupid.
I wrote to her because we dnt speak. I Said i loved her and wanted her. She answered saying "we are going to talk about that with social services in a while"
She has an investigation coming on her because she treats our kid wrong.
She did not say yes or no but i Think she keeps playing...
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Re: Now What?

Post by Smiler »

How are you doing Ackee?
Smile at life, and life will smile back at you :D
Ackee
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Re: Now What?

Post by Ackee »

Smiler wrote: Mon Nov 02, 2020 9:08 pm How are you doing Ackee?
Im bad. Thinking to much. At her area you cant
meet strangers due to Corona restrictions and i
hope she dont do that because she gets our kid
tomorow. She got a complain from preeschool about
not leaving the kid there. She was sick and the kid was
sick but also other stuff. She has social securites looking över her shoulder so i hope she takes Corona restrictions serious because of our kid.
reckoner
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Re: Now What?

Post by reckoner »

It's a very difficult time for you when you are worried about your child and have even less access to him/her than usual because of lockdown. But it's also an opportunity to distance yourself from the mother so that your relationship with her is to take care of your child only.

Children need stability. If the mother is being investigated by social services, then your child is already in an unstable situation. The relationship you've been having with the mother is also unstable. Your child is depending on you to provide the stability. Keep everything polite with the mother and have a plan for regular contact with her and the child during lockdown so you can provide as much parental support as you can.

About your feelings for the mother, after you wrote to her telling her how you feel, she gave you her answer: she does not feel the same. If she did love you and want you as much as you do, that's what she would tell you. Any different answer means that she doesn't. She is not rejecting you completely and has been keeping your hopes alive so that she can continue to have you when she feels like it, but no more than that.

She has been seeing you and other men because none of these relationships are serious or commited. No one is telling her that what she is doing is unacceptable. By accepting her behaviour, you are making her behaviour acceptable.

So use lockdown to put a stop to the romantic relationship with her and focus all your energy and attention on doing what's best for your child.
Ackee
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Re: Now What?

Post by Ackee »

For the first time after i saw them in bed i took actions. It was not ok having me around and at the same time taking dick from Another man. I blocked her and made sure we did not see each other.

We sat down with social services and she said that i blocked her and did not want any contact for like no reason. She played the victim. She is very Mad and i dnt understand why. Maybe she has realised that she lost me and can not play me anymore. She wants me to react i guess.

Inviting a stranger to bed when she had so good relation with the father of her kid is just so wrong,who does that!!??
reckoner
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Re: Now What?

Post by reckoner »

Ackee wrote: Wed Nov 11, 2020 6:21 am For the first time after i saw them in bed i took actions ... I blocked her and made sure we did not see each other.


Yes, but then you wrote to her to say that you "loved her and wanted her", as if it's OK and you forgive her. Anyway, it's good if you know now that you don't feel that way anymore and she knows that too. Yes, that has probably made her angry.

Now you still have a child to take care of. Your anger with each other mustn't get in the way of that. You have seen how having a sexual relationship with her when you are not both committed to each other makes the situation messy and unpleasant for your child. Social services will also see that.

What is the situation with social services for your child - what are the possible outcomes?
Ackee
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Re: Now What?

Post by Ackee »

The outcome this far is that the kid must be at preschool even if my ex dnt work. Its because the attendence is very poor for the kid at preschool on her weeks.
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