Is there more to this?

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SamMos76
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Is there more to this?

Post by SamMos76 » Mon Sep 24, 2018 11:53 am

I’ve been seeing this woman for a year now, we were both just out of long marriages and both have kids. I met her at a meeting through Work and we started texting and calling. Since we’ve been seeing each other whenever we can, due to living over an hour apart it’s not always easy to get time and this can get frustrating.
Now the other day we had a stupid argument, I’ve made comments before that she’ll be on her phone or text while we are together. Don’t get me wrong I’m not saying she can’t have friends just with the little time we get I’d like it to be about us. Anyway I made a bit of snide comment as she was texting again when we met, and she said I’m always having a go. Again if it’s about her kids or an emergency by all means respond. If it’s a friend or Facebook or Instagram then that surly can wait, even till I go to the loo or something.
But since then it’s like she’s questioning our whole relationship? Whether it’s right, or why didn’t I want to sort it out. Yes I may have got the hump after all is it wrong to want to see your partner not wait for them to get off their phone. So I asked her outright does she want to end things? She didn’t know, she said I always put her down and when pushed for examples she said it’s when I dug about her phone.
So my heads telling me there’s something more to this, maybe she’s realised she can’t move away from family, so that would mean me moving away from my kids. I k ownits still early days as it’s only a year, but things don’t seem right. It feels like she’s trying to push me away, so I say it’s over, ( she says it’s only a matter of time because everyone always leaves her)
Her ex use to say she’s not thoughtful and thinks about her self, I think part of that was cause he did nothing to help, with the kids or around the house. So she’s like why should I bother, but she seems to have taken that attitude with her, finally someone ahows her some real attention and love, being supportive and their for her, and still she cannot see that things she does or says can be hurtful.
Any ideas would be great thanks

David020549
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Re: Is there more to this?

Post by David020549 » Mon Sep 24, 2018 8:07 pm

I would say that after a year she is bored with you, as you say responding to texts that are not urgent when you are together is just plain rude and shows she isn't bothered about you. She may even have decided that it isn't going to last but hasn't found anyone else as a companion, probably time for you to move on!.

reckoner
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Re: Is there more to this?

Post by reckoner » Wed Sep 26, 2018 5:24 pm

People messing with their phones in my company really winds me up and I sympathise with your feelings about it. I do think there is an element of compulsion about it, though, that is not personal so, while I find this behaviour incredibly annoying and rather disrespectful, the aspect of the problem that I find even more damning is her subsequent jump to questioning the whole relationship. She also seems to be trying to divert attention from her overuse of the phone to your response to it.

In relationships, it's not so much about the problems you face but how you deal with them and what you describe doesn't sound at all promising to me. So I have to agree with David's conclusion, even if my reasoning is slightly different.

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