How to stop this 10 years on?

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Tarantula
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Re: How to stop this 10 years on?

Post by Tarantula » Fri Aug 24, 2018 12:55 pm

So you mean, it's not just as easy as YOU made it sound:

if I wanted to truly score points and in fact win, id stop their dad seeing them as 100s of women do in my situation

That's what I'm going on. I'm following things you've said. Ok, so it's not an option, then. You made it sound like it was. If it was, I'd say, do that, as he's a nut case.

You've said they think the sun shines out of his backside because that's what you've told them. Of course I wouldn't suggest you scar them with the details either. I'm sure there's some sort of middle way. The idea that lying is what good parents do is a bit new to me.

All you can do is make sure that you are not perpetuating any drama whatsoever. When he sees that he can't get to you anymore, he will get bored. Eventually.

reckoner
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Re: How to stop this 10 years on?

Post by reckoner » Fri Aug 24, 2018 2:01 pm

I think lying may be too strong a term. I think chosenfew is simply trying to preserve as much as possible a meaningful relationship between the children and their father, like restricting blood flow to a snake bite, which I personally agree is the right approach to take.

It's clear that she is doing her best to tread a very fine and delicate line between the children and their father that is perhaps difficult for her to explain to us on here, especially as this aspect of the situation was not the focus of her original post, so let's focus instead on chosenfew's own relationship with the ex rather than her handling of the situation with regard to the children, as she originally requested.

David020549
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Re: How to stop this 10 years on?

Post by David020549 » Sat Aug 25, 2018 7:14 am

There is no middle way, the court acts in the best interests of the children, unless there is a very good reason not to ( drugs, vice, instability) the mother will get custody of young children and the father will get access unless he has been convicted of violence or some other major crime. If he decides to be difficult or obstructive in a low level way effectively there is nothing the mother can do and this is what is happening, in addition he is surely doing all he can to turn them against their mother, which will make it difficult, day to day.

When the children are older (10 plus) he will likely go back to court for custody, at that stage the court will ask the children who they want to live with, if they choose him, assuming he has a partner and a stable home life he will gave a very good chance of winning.

I have a lot of sympathy with any mother in this situation, they cannot stop it unless they give up their children which goes against all their instincts.

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peecee
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Re: How to stop this 10 years on?

Post by peecee » Sat Aug 25, 2018 7:46 am

That’s the worst case scenario - the ex MIGHT apply for custody one day; if he does, and if his partner even wants him to, there is absolutely nothing to say the kids will want to live with him. Their mother is a great mum, they will have no reason to want to leave her until they are grunting teenagers!

Let’s not look for trouble, which might happen one day - but not yet.
Shine your light and let the whole world see.

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