A few ongoing issues with fiancee

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A few ongoing issues with fiancee

Postby dawolf » Tue May 08, 2018 7:30 pm

I've been with my fiancée for almost 3 years and overall we get on well together but for a few differences here and there, I guess none of us are exactly the same. We got engaged a few weeks back which was really nice. We plan to get married in the next year or two, we just need some time to save up and plan it.

Anyway, although we get on well we've had a few ongoing niggles in the relationship and this week we've had problems again. Bear in mind I've had an especially testing year. Both my father and grandfather have passed away within 10 months of each other so that's been hard. I've also been re-deployed at work to another position due to the closure of the place where I'd worked for over 10 years. These have impacted on me and I understand I may not have been as happy and positive as I used to be before.

However, my fiancée sometimes makes things even harder. Last week she got upset with me, she said she was concerned about my new shift working and that I won't have weekends off like I did before so we'd be spending less time together. The problem is that I don't really get a choice about it as I have to do my fair share of shifts, I did explain this to her. She also seemed annoyed with me the other night, I was relaxing after work playing on a computer game and she didn't like the fact that I didn't go downstairs straight away to let her in. She said she had to go out to her car and fetch her keys. She was also upset because I hadn't put dinner on and she was really tired due to a stressful day at work, although I said that I would help her with it once I'd come off the game in about 20 minutes. She basically went very quiet with me like I had to guess what was wrong. It got my back up as I feel I try hard in the relationship, I know I might have some faults but I'm loyal and genuine. I do love her and try to show her this everyday. I do like my own space sometimes and this is something which she has always been a little bit difficult about. She seems to have a traditional expectation that we do virtually everything together and although it's nice it can get intense and tiring.

So I'm just looking for advice/opinions on this. Do you think I'm being reasonable here? How can we get over these niggles?

Thanks.
dawolf
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Re: A few ongoing issues with fiancee

Postby boulding » Wed May 09, 2018 8:55 am

hi dawolf

You sound like a really nice caring sort of guy but you have asked for advice so here it is.

Yes I do understand how all absorbing gaming can be but when a game is put first before a loved one then there's a problem. Can you imagine a quicker way to make your fiancee feel unloved and undervalued than to leave her banging on the door to be let in while you had something better to do. Why on earth weren't you rushing to the door to welcome her with a hug and a kiss and "have you had a good day dear etc etc." She must really feel the romance has gone out of things.

With regard to cooking the dinner I think you might have a mindset problem here and you do need to change this superfast. Unfortunately housework and cooking are boring and have to be done and all the while you are both working it has to be a 50/50 team effort. It's not a case of the woman being in charge of the domestic side of things and you "helping" . If you were 14 years old it would be OK to play a game while mother cooks the dinner but you are a grown man and you need to take your full share of responsibility. I think its an unwritten law that the person who gets in first gets on with the dinner.

I don't quite understand why she would be annoyed about you working weekends unless it was a case of you forgot to tell her or she forgot you were working. In which case it might be a good idea to buy a calendar or planner to hang on the kitchen door so you can both write down when your working and what your doing.

I don't think your problems are serious and I'm sure your fiancee understands that you sometimes you need your own space for games or whatever just make sure she doesn't feel second best. I'm sure things will work out OK
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