Using me

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Using me

Postby lanca » Mon Feb 12, 2018 5:35 pm

Been seeing a guy for about 3 years now. We only meet up for sex. I saw him a couple of days ago but before that it was a year and a half ago. I find him attractive but i know he is using me. I would of liked him to of took me out and see me as a girlfriend but that would never happen. I've told myself to stop seeing him and i have told him to stop getting intouch which he as done but then he starts sending texts again and stupid me responds. Even blocking his number doesn't work because I unblock it again. What's wrong with me. He never touches me in the obvious places a man would but expects a b...j.. from me. He gets his pleasure gets off me then says he's got to go and get food for his tea or he is going out. I know this is to get rid of me. I know I'm mad and I don't really get much pleasure when we sleep together but I still go back like a fool I am to get used. He also once sent some holiday pics and he as never done that before so I know they were meant for another women. I asked him why he doesn't kiss much he said i read to much into things and he doesn't really like to. So how can I stop this now. It would never go anywhere I'm getting used and treated like a prostitute. Why do I put myself through it
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Re: Using me

Postby Tarantula » Tue Feb 13, 2018 10:00 am

That's the big question really isn't it. Why do you allow yourself to be treated this way? I think you need to answer that question within yourself and then work on building your self esteem.

Unless this guy has ever promised you a relationship, then really, he's just taking what is so freely on offer. He's not 'using you'. You're using yourself!! You're responsible for choosing to see him, that is your choice.

if you want him to take you seriously, you've got to stop giving it up. This will probably mean he won't see you again, but you'll start to rebuild your self respect.

Don't be so desperate for any crumb of attention from him that you'll always meet exactly on his terms.

Also you haven't been 'seeing him for three years'. You didn't see him at all for half of that time.

If you were enjoying this arrangement, then I would say hey, go for it! But the fact is, you're not. So like, stop. Don't respond. Or if you must, say something like

'hey, I've decided that casual sex isn't really for me anymore. Take care.' And then stop responding no matter what he says.

Don't say that just to get a reaction out of him. You have to MEAN it.

Come on, you don't wanna be the BJ girl who he can just call up whenever he likes. You don't have to be that person anymore.

You're right. He is basically never going to want you to be his girlfriend, and by the way, he probably has about four other girls on tap too. Grieve and move on. Let it go.

Remember: he is not using you. You are not the victim here. He's shown you what the deal is, and you agree, every time. You are doing it to yourself. Take responsibility for your choices, and make better ones.
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Re: Using me

Postby reckoner » Tue Feb 13, 2018 1:12 pm

You don't mention any other relationships you've been involved in during this time so, if this is the only one, then I'm going to suggest that the reason you keep putting yourself through this is because it's easy, even if it doesn't leave you feeling good. But it doesn't require you to make any particular effort because you just let him take whatever, whenever, however much he likes. It's also easier to put the responsibility on him for using you and not treating you the way any reasonable person would want than taking responsibility upon yourself to find someone who does. I completely agree there must be a self-esteem issue at the root of that.

One immediate thing you can do to prove to yourself that you are worth better is to refuse this guy from now on in. As Tarantula said, this guy is a known quantity and is never going to give you what you want so the only thing you have to lose is bad sex with an inconsiderate lover. I don't personally think you need to go into it with him because I think actions speak louder than words and, in this instance, based on how things have transpired until now, I'm not sure whatever declarations you make will carry much weight. And if he takes that on as a challenge, I'm not sure you'll be able to resist. So personally, I think you just need to make the decision. Then when he comes calling and you say 'no' and stick to it, you will know for a fact that a pattern has been broken and you have moved in the right direction.

Once you know you can, and have, taken action, you'll earn yourself the opportunity to feel good about yourself. Hopefully then you can put a new release of energy into making your life too good to waste time on people that predictably dissatisfy you.
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Re: Using me

Postby stephie2 » Fri Feb 16, 2018 9:32 am

I agree with everything the others have said. You need to end it by a text then block the number and delete straight away so that you are not tempted to go back there. Start to get yourself out there and meet other people. This guy is just playing with you and you need to have some self respect and say enough is enough!
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