Partner moved on very quickly

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Partner moved on very quickly

Postby Enidlareg » Fri Jan 12, 2018 4:01 pm

My partner and I spit recently. It was quite a dramatic end and we didn't speak for a couple of weeks. I thought it was just to give us space to deal with the emotions involved in separation. We have accepted that although we generally got on well we were not emotionally compatible. So I thought we would have some time to adapt and perhaps develop a type of friendship. He has two young daughters who I had become fond of. He has in principle agreed to that.

He had a very negative relationship with his ex wife and although I tried really hard to live with it, it impinged on my plans and our time together. I had introduced my partner to Kayaking and he joined my club so that we could do something for us without the kids. Something to bond us together. I had bought a lot of the gear for him as presents and sourced a good boat. However, his wife continued to be an issue and when he started transferring his frustrations with her on to me I decided that I could not commit to a possibly 10 or 15 years of this external interference. So I ended the relationship. The least I expected was a little time for us to adapt and move through the sadness.

However, he has since (within 2 weeks of separating) connected with a woman from my kayak club and is now out kayaking with her and is 'involved' as they call it. I accept he has to move on. That's not the issue. It's the speed at which he has moved on and the lack of respect for the 'uncoupling' time I needed to adjust. I will see her occasionally on our kayak trips. It's awkward. She won't understand what I have been through emotionally so I may have to be in a situation where I am small talking with a woman who is in a relationship with my ex. I don't want to give up my kayaking club. That is a great social outlet for me. Any advice. (Try not to be negative - I know I ended the relationship. I did with the best intensions).
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Re: Partner moved on very quickly

Postby David020549 » Fri Jan 12, 2018 7:10 pm

This is very difficult for you and thoughtless of him, the easy option is to join a different Kayak club I know you shouldn't have to but if they do get a relationship going it is going to be a real problem for you. If it is my consolation a great many second time round relationships are problematic, ex wives with kids are very often bitter and make life deliberately difficult.
Maybe it is worth giving it a few weeks to see how you feel about their new liaison after all it may not last
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Re: Partner moved on very quickly

Postby reckoner » Fri Jan 12, 2018 11:24 pm

I once read (or heard) that no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. I completely agree.

I think this is a golden opportunity for your social life. If you can somehow muster the courage to walk into that kayak club with your head held high, acknowledge them where necessary and be civil and polite and just kind of publicly ... brush it off, I would imagine you'd earn a ton of respect from your fellow kayakers. No one needs to know if you've gone home and cried yourself to sleep.

Console yourself by knowing that you have dodged a massive bullet there and you certainly won't have to agonise over whether or not you've done the right thing. That has saved you a lot of time and heartache.

What a schmuck. My sympathies.
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Re: Partner moved on very quickly

Postby stephie2 » Mon Jan 15, 2018 10:34 am

You have nothing to be ashamed about. Carry on with your club with your head held high. It is very inconsiderate of him to have moved onto someone from the club in such a short time and whilst this may be a small distraction to deal with his loss he has also not really thought about the impact it could have on you! I wouldn't be drove out of something that you enjoy. Keep your head held high and soldier on.
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