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Wife fantasizing about being watched

PostPosted: Mon Jan 01, 2018 2:24 pm
by gregsoleman
My wife and I have been married for 12 years and we still love each other very much, but I'm worried about the direction our sex life is taking.
Two years ago I agreed to her having a "friend" because her sex drive is (and always has been) much higher than mine and I just couldn't seem to satisfy her, no matter what I did. We tried everything from Viagra to counselling, sex toys and even Tantra techniques but in the end we both had to admit defeat and recognise that the excitement had simply gone out of our physical relationship, we could "do it" but it just wasn't a fulfilling activity for either of us (especially her). For the sake of the kids and also because we still felt affection for each other, rather than breaking the marriage we talked about the option of opening it up. I said I wasn't personally interested in seeing other people but I gave her my blessing to find herself a sex buddy as long as the sex was done safely, away from our home and strictly for physical satisfaction.
Two years on, the buddies are now two, one of whom visits once a week (though they don't use our bedroom). She insisted it had to be in our home because of his personal situation. I also know the sex isn't safe (at least with one of them) though she is 100% confident that he doesn't see other women. I am not so sure myself.
I have accepted all of this because I can see how much happier it makes her. I also feel relieved from the awful pressure of trying to satisfy her, which was tearing me apart. We still have sex occasionally and in a way it's more enjoyable for me, because I can relax knowing that if I can't make her climax as many times or as strongly as she craves, she'll get her fix the next day from one of the other guys. Most people won't understand or approve our arrangement, but it works for us and it's kept us together, whereas other relationships fall apart once the sex stops working.
My only real worry (and the reason I'm here) is that lately she seems to have got a taste for humiliating me. She likes to tease me when we are having sex by describing what the other guys do to her and how they make her ***. I thought it was just a harmless way for her to get aroused and keep things going so I let it carry on, but over the last few months it's got much more frequent and more extreme. She clearly has some sort of fetish for domination or whatever, I don't necessarily have a problem with that but she's now suggesting that she'd like me to watch her with David (the guy who visits once a week) and I'm really not sure if I'm ready for that. I can see she really wants this and I know lots of couples do this sort of thing (I've seen plenty of "cuckolding" videos online, though many don't look genuine to me) but I'm not sure I can bring myself to see my wife with another man. It's one thing imagining it, another thing altogether to actually witness it. As I understand it, the sex she has with her buddies is much wilder than anything we do, she may be exaggerating things to some degree, but what if she isn't? Even if only half of the things she describes actually happen, it could completely destroy my confidence and then I'd never be able to get it up with her.
Or maybe it could be fun, I just don't know... All I now is, she won't stop going on about it, so one way or another I need to make a decision: either I say yes and live with the consequences, or I say no and then she'll resent me for allowing her to fantasize about this scenario to the point where it seems so real to her, but she can't actually put it into practice. I know this will frustrate her immensely and it could potentially threaten the balance we seem to have found, which is working so well.
Has anyone here got experience of this sort of scenario and if so could you give me some pointers? As in, which rules to lay, what to allow, what to avoid, that sort of thing?
I'm not here to be judged so please keep the abuse to a minimum, though I fully expect that some people here will attack me for allowing our marriage to become promiscuous and in a way letting my wife walk all over me. So be it, I'll just ignore those comments and respond to the constructive ones - if there are any. Thanks.

Re: Wife fantasizing about being watched

PostPosted: Tue Jan 02, 2018 7:39 pm
by David020549
Maybe 15 years ago there was a couple that were good friends of ours who got into a " swinging " group, the marriage lasted about 2 years, he liked it, she didn't. That was a pity because they had been devoted for a long time before that, now they are both In separate normal relationships.
I think cuckhold relationships are rare and mainly a figment of the porn industry's imagination, in your case she has started to humiliate you, it's time to get out, if that's the way she gets her kicks it's only a short step to violence.

Re: Wife fantasizing about being watched

PostPosted: Tue Jan 02, 2018 8:27 pm
by Tarantula
Don't listen to him; it could be the same David!

No but I agree really. The only pointer I could offer is that she keeps other men's pointers away from her because she is married to you. It doesn't make sense to stay married.

This isn't a moral point; I'm the last person who would you-know-what shame. . But I'm not sure what you want us to say.

Do you honestly mean to say that it doesn't bother you one tiny bit that your wife is having sex with other men?

You say it's kept your relationship together. That's like saying 'I want to jump off a bridge - it'll be the ultimate LIFE experience!' Well no it won't, because once you do it, life ends. Relationships that fall apart over sexual incompatibility SHOULD fall apart, because sexual compatibility is quite an important thing! Those breakups are GOOD events. Staying married to someone who has sex with other people, UNLESS you can honestly say it doesn't bother you, is a BAD situation to be in.

I'm not judging you; I'm judging the situation. I can't, in good conscience, give you 'tips and tricks' for how to best let your wife have a threesome, when what I want to say is.... why are you in this situation?? Why is it a given premise that she's having sex with others - why can't that be talked about?

Is the balance really working well? Would you prefer this over an exclusive relationship?

Re: Wife fantasizing about being watched

PostPosted: Wed Jan 03, 2018 2:18 pm
by David020549
Mistaken identity m'lady I have a cast iron alibi. I'm sure there are plenty of single guys would be happy to oblige.

These three way arrangements don't last because there is always a gooseberry that gets left out, eventually resentment and jealousy come to the surface. Your wife seems to be escalating the thrills just like an addict might do, that is going to be very difficult to live with. Morality is not often mentioned these days, it almost seems old fashioned when consenting adults have Carte Blanche, social acceptability is quite different.

Re: Wife fantasizing about being watched

PostPosted: Mon Jan 08, 2018 1:09 pm
by stephie2
I think your wife should respect you in the fact that you do not wish to watch. It is a very brave thing that you have done to allow her to have other partners and even more brave that she is doing it in your home. For her to force you to hear the details in my opinion is unkind and very insensitive. I would certainly not be happy about the unsafe sex part too as it is not just her life that she is taking a risk with it is your personal safety too!

I feel that you are not happy at all from what I have been reading and forgive me if I am wrong. I think you need to sit your wife down and have a long frank chat about how this is making you feel and be honest with her and yourself.

As for the watching her with her "buddy" why on earth would you want to do that when you are only going along with it all in the first place to please her??? I think you are giving in to everything she wants to keep her happy but sacrificing everything that makes you happy.

I fear this will not last and that it will eventually break up your marriage if it continues long term and the demands continue to grow.