My other half truly believes I have cheated on him...

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My other half truly believes I have cheated on him...

Postby Ceej28 » Sun Dec 17, 2017 1:26 pm

Need advice on what options I have.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 15 years and in 2013, we broke up over both of us cheating on one another, it was an awful time and early 2014 I decided to do everything I could to win him back.
Since then we have been trying and recently it has been really good and we see each other all the time and we spoke of the future for next year.
A few days ago though he asked if I was cheating on him so I answered no because I’m not, the thing is when we got back together he told me I couldn’t have any male friends what so ever, but while we was broken up I met a friend that has ended up been a really good friend to me, my boyfriend has found photos of us and although the photos are completely innocent he truly believes that I have slept with my male friend.
This is completely not true and as soon as he said it I told him it’s nothing like that at all and I started finding evidence to support that I haven’t cheated, I’ve give him all the evidence and since then he hasn’t really spoken to me or even seen me once.
My friends who I have spoke to about this even the male friend has said I’ve done nothing wrong and that it’s his problem that he doesn’t believe you, they have a kinda leave him to it attitude but that’s not me.
I feel bad and I really want to fix it, I love him more than life and I never want to be with anyone else ever. I can’t loose him again it’s not an option, My future is with him.
I’ve just come to a complete brick wall and I don’t know what else I can give him to show I haven’t cheated on him.
I have even said does he want to meet my male friend and you’ll see there is nothing to worry about, but he won’t even answer me.
Any ideas what I can do, I’m 30 years old and I have been with this man since I was 15, he’s my soul mate and the man I want to spend forever with. Please help!
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Re: My other half truly believes I have cheated on him...

Postby snail » Sun Dec 17, 2017 3:14 pm

I'm not completely clear - did you break a promise not to have any male friends by having this friend, and not tell your boyfriend? Because if you have done something you agreed you wouldn't and hidden it, I can see why he is suspicious. I don't think you can do anything in that case except hope that he comes round with time.

If you didn't break any promises or keep any secrets, then I agree with your friends - this is his problem in some way. He's choosing to believe, or say he believes, that you've cheated because it serves some purpose for him. Is there any chance he is not as committed to the relationship as you and is looking for a way out? You say you've been trying since 2014 but that's nearly four years ago.
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Re: My other half truly believes I have cheated on him...

Postby David020549 » Mon Dec 18, 2017 8:57 am

This is the problem with having close friends of the opposite sex, the suspicion that something might have happened, you knew that your boyfriend didn't want you to have any male friends, then whatever the circumstances you decided to compromise that. It is a problem that we all have male and female, there is a difference between open day to day interaction and socialising closely, either together or with a group and I guess that is where the photos originated.

If you want him all you can do is throw yourself at his feet, literally, commit to him unconditionally with all the risks that involves, there will be lots of drama a tears and he will probably take pity on you. Not many women would want to do that their pride would prevent it, only you know wether to do that or abandon him and move on.

Best wishes and good luck for the future
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Re: My other half truly believes I have cheated on him...

Postby stephie2 » Mon Dec 18, 2017 11:34 am

Both of you should be able to have friends so long as it is open and honest and nothing is hidden. I am afraid that all you can do is be honest with him and accept whatever decision he makes. You cannot force someone to believe you or be with you. Maybe when he has had time to think and simmer down he may meet you and have a discussion but till then I think you are just going to have to wait although you could keep sending the odd message reassuring him.
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Re: My other half truly believes I have cheated on him...

Postby Ceej28 » Mon Dec 18, 2017 11:11 pm

snail wrote:I'm not completely clear - did you break a promise not to have any male friends by having this friend, and not tell your boyfriend? Because if you have done something you agreed you wouldn't and hidden it, I can see why he is suspicious. I don't think you can do anything in that case except hope that he comes round with time.

If you didn't break any promises or keep any secrets, then I agree with your friends - this is his problem in some way. He's choosing to believe, or say he believes, that you've cheated because it serves some purpose for him. Is there any chance he is not as committed to the relationship as you and is looking for a way out? You say you've been trying since 2014 but that's nearly four years ago.


I broke a promise, he asked me not to have any male friends and I have two one is gay and the other one is the male ive spoke of which is literally like my brother, there is no attraction or anything like that between us. So yes I broke a promise to him, but I just thought that he may be friends with my male friend one day, like we could all be friends together. I think he went out of his way to find out if I had any male friends because we are ready to buy a house and settle down together, we have been trying and the past year has been really good between us I think that’s why he was planning on settling down but just wanted to make sure that everything was still ok, which it is in my eyes because I’m completely committed to him and I haven’t been with anyone else. It’s really hard from going to speaking to him every single day to I haven’t spoke to him for two days, I have asked if he will meet my male friend and he can see we are solely just friends but he hasn’t replied to me as of yet, thanks guys for your replies I appreciated it! X
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Re: My other half truly believes I have cheated on him...

Postby Tarantula » Tue Dec 19, 2017 12:58 pm

I think you'll probably have to choose between your bf and this male friend of yours. As snail said, if you told him you wouldn't have close male friends and then oh look, there's a guy on the scene then... I can understand why he's suspicious.

I feel like parts of this story are missing, though. I'm also of the view that men and women can't really be close one-on-one friends without at least one person sort of having other ideas. I don't have any close male friends anymore because after so many drinks or whatever, and after months of purely platonic 'friendship', something always happens like they get funny when I get a boyfriend or something. I can have male friends on a more superficial basis, like in a group scenario, but I can't spend one on one time like I would with my girlfriends without some dynamic developing.

Of all the people for you to be close with, does it have to be this guy? Let's be honest, this guy is probably interested in you and deep down you probably know it. Your boyfriend does too.

Although the bigger problem is, with the previous cheating etc, the trust will never really be there. You could lose this male friend for him, but then there'll be something else.
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Re: My other half truly believes I have cheated on him...

Postby Ceej28 » Thu Dec 21, 2017 2:57 am

I would always choose my boyfriend over literally anyone man or woman, he means that much to me.
And my male friend is literally like my brother, he already has a sister and he treats me just like his sister, there is nothing between us at all, like no attraction no nothing on both ends, he always goes for a type of girl, and since he’s been friends with me he’s been with a lot of girls, and I love my boyfriend with everything I have and there is no attraction between me and my friend, I’m unsure why my boyfriend can’t see that though straight away, no offence to anyone who doesn’t mind this but my male friend is a lot smaller than me, I’m quite tall and curvy I definitely prefer a big tall guy like my boyfriend is, to my male friend which is short and small made too.
I have told my boyfriend I would tell my friend that we can no longer be friends but he just refuses to even speak to me about it, when he first asked me we spoke for 4 hours maybe more about it and there wasn’t much else I could say but that I haven’t gone with my friend, since then I have made a folder with as much evidence as I can find to prove that we are just friends, like Texts from him saying mate on, photos of his life, I’ve even said that I have only been able to see my friends 3 times this year because I’m always with him, I’ve tried to tell him signs of cheating and everything but he will not listen to me.
I can’t think of anything else I can do.
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Re: My other half truly believes I have cheated on him...

Postby David020549 » Thu Dec 21, 2017 9:42 am

CeeJ
I don't think there is anything else you can do, you have more or less begged him but to no avail, it seems he has moved on so its time for you to do the same. If you are 28 as your username suggests you are young, so be positive get back into dating but don't get serious too soon and do learn from your mistake, if you are in a serious relationship you CANNOT have close male friends.
I have a lot of female friends, none close, I have noticed how they interact with men, there seem to be 3 situations.

If they are with their man they are very aware what they say and do, not wanting to show anything that might be attraction.
If I know their man but they are away from him they are much more relaxed and chatty but still carefull in case anything gets back
If I don't know him at all, usually they are very open and will talk about their life, work and relationship, most women are very verbal and can be very revealing.

These days where everybody has a camera phone and will post photos on social media in a thoughtless way, we all have to be so careful not to be captured in a difficult situation that might be misinterpreted. So we all have to be very careful not to upset the politics of our relationships, it affects us men just as much, upsetting the balance causes a lot of heartache.

Best wishes
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Re: My other half truly believes I have cheated on him...

Postby Lanamay » Sun Dec 31, 2017 1:07 pm

It's so difficult. I'm pretty much going through the same thing. me and my partner have both cheated. we overcame that and were building a string relationship back together. he became friendly with a woman online. I know there is no physical contact as they live very very far away from each other but over the space if a few months they have become very close friends. I gave my partner the ultimatum on who to be with he chose me but then when asked if he would stop talking to her the answef was no. he admitted to finding her attractive an I hinedtky do believe on some level there is a connection with her that I can never live up to. he keeps telling me it's all in my head but when it seem so real it is so hard yo snap out of it. I've tried like you I have been with him since I was 16. yes we have both made mistakes and we have both had to learn alot of life lessons. i can't continue my relationship with him whilst he continued speaking to this woman as it is literally making me a jealous paranoid person. I hate that I am that person. He is my soul mate my best friend and the father of our 2 beautiful children. do what you have to do. just keep being open and honest
it's hard. it doesn't feel like it gets an easier. ( no sleep on 5 days because my mind works overtime) xx
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Re: My other half truly believes I have cheated on him...

Postby Cheatedon79 » Tue Jan 02, 2018 4:12 pm

I’ve just done a polygraph test to prove my innocence but my other half won’t take one ..
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Re: My other half truly believes I have cheated on him...

Postby stephie2 » Mon Jan 08, 2018 1:11 pm

so how do you move on from this?
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