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Am I oversensitive?

PostPosted: Thu Dec 07, 2017 4:25 pm
by Iaminneedofhelp
Hello all!!!

I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for just coming up to a year. Everything runs pretty smoothly, however there is one thing that we have argued about and that is her male best friend.

A few years ago in told her that he had feelings for her, which doesnt help. Also being a man, I also know what they are like.

I dont have issue with their friendship and I dont have any trust issues concerning my girlfriend.

My main issue is the way he acts around my girlfriend and what he says to her:

Some of the things he has said or done:
- I was with a girl last night and we had to stop having sex as I was too big for her.
- About his fancy dress costume which consisted of hotpants 'Its going to be embarrasing as people will be able to see everything and will stare because it is so big.' I have seen him in hot pants and there is nothing to see
- Overly touchy - not like a friend.
- My favourite text he sent her 'you would be proud of me, a girl wanted to meet me for sex from tinder and I didnt'

I do not know any man that would say these things to his male friends.

I find the way that he speaks to her entirely inappropriate and he regularly crosses a line. She says that she knows that he is a dick, and doesnt think anything of it because that is the way that he is. Me and him are 2 very different people and even though roughly the same age we are at very different stages of our life.

The last time that he said something I reacted physically and ended up shaking. But I dont know whether or not I am being overly sensitive. She has even admitted that some of the things that she says to him is inappropriate.

I think that I am rambling.


Re: Am I oversensitive?

PostPosted: Fri Dec 08, 2017 12:10 pm
by stephie2
I think the best thing is to explain to her how this makes you feel. If he starts to say inappropriate things to her in your presence just ask him not to do that and tell him it makes you feel uncomfortable him talking that way to your partner.

Maybe your partner needs to tell him that she is happy to be his friend but sexual talk is off limits

Re: Am I oversensitive?

PostPosted: Fri Dec 08, 2017 12:32 pm
by Iaminneedofhelp
She wont say anything to him. She just says that is the way that he is, and when he is inappropriate she just rolls her eyes at him and ignores him.

If I do see anything in future then I will just say. That is a good idea. However the bigger things have been in text messages. Maybe I could just tell her that I dont think that he is being appropriate and leave it at that?

Re: Am I oversensitive?

PostPosted: Fri Dec 08, 2017 12:34 pm
by stephie2
If she values you as a partner then I am afraid she has to tell him. I know if it was my partner then I would be considering his feelings and nipping it in the bud.

Re: Am I oversensitive?

PostPosted: Fri Dec 08, 2017 12:54 pm
by Iaminneedofhelp
I know that she does value me. But she is not prepared to tell him, she said that he won change and you have to accept people for the way that they are. However it is constantly upsetting me. But all I get is 'thats the way that he is.' 'I just ignore it.'

Re: Am I oversensitive?

PostPosted: Fri Dec 08, 2017 1:10 pm
by stephie2
Then I am sorry to say she is dismissing your feelings as she knows it is upsetting you but not doing anything about it. That is not on in a relationship I am afraid.