Made such a mess of 8 years...

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Made such a mess of 8 years...

Postby copperg » Mon Nov 20, 2017 4:22 pm

I don't need any negativity on this, so please don't comment if that's all you've got.

I don't really know what I want from this, I guess I just need to vent and get all this out to someone I don't know.

I've been having a tough time recently with my mental health. I hated my job and felt bored with my relationship, plus with the usual money worries lack of confidence I was feeling really low. I've never really had friends I felt like I could talk to about my problems and my partner wasn't interested so I'd bottled all this up for around 6 months.

I picked myself up and got myself a new job, with more hours and money closer to home. The people there are lovely, so friendly and outgoing and it really made me think about how unhappy I actually was with my life.

Now me and my partner don't really share things with each other. We've always kept ourselves to ourselves and that was a big part of the problem. I hated the way things had got in our relationship. He'd come in from work and maybe say hello if I was lucky. I'd try to talk to him about his day and either get ignored or get a shrug as he turned back to his phone. I might get a bit of conversation out of him at dinner, but I'd be lucky with a 5 minute chat.

I'd been talking to a guy at work about all of this, it was so nice to have someone new who seemed to care and actually want to help and talk to me. This pushed me to tell him how I was feeling and that I didn't want to be with him anymore.
He broke down. Said he would change, try harder to improve our relationship. We'd had the same conversation over and over and I'd had enough of trying to make things work whilst getting nothing back. He said he wanted to give me some space so he moved back in with his Mum.

My head was a complete mess. The guy I'd been talking to was starting to flirt, long story short, in the week my partner and I had split we'd kissed and slept together. I regret it so much now. It feels like he was just using me whilst I was down to get me into bed. He felt like such a good friend that I hadn't had before, we used to go out and talk for hours. I didn't hear from him for a week after we slept together, he ignored my texts and ignored me at work.

My partner came round and we talked. I told him what had happened and he was there for me. He cared and told me he had changed. We decided to give us another go.

Then the guy I slept with decided to start talking to me again. I told him we were trying to work things out and he said that he felt really hurt and upset that we couldn't mess about anymore. He said he liked me and he missed me. I just feel like he's trying to play me, but what he said got to me and I miss the friendship I thought we had.

We didn't speak for a few days after that and I felt fine, like he'd moved on and our friendship was over. I saw him at work and just said hi. When I got home he'd messaged saying that I was quiet and was I alright. We talked that night but he's not gotten in touch since (another week) and I'm sick of making the first move all the time. I'm not after a relationship or anything other than friendship with him by the way!

Anyway, although my relationship with my partner is going really well, it's better than ever actually, I can't stop thinking about the guy from work. I really miss the friendship, I miss feeling like I could tell him anything. But I'm also so annoyed, angry and hurt because it feels like he was just using me and I don't really know what to do about it.

I feel so much better having typed all this out. If anyone's got to the bottom of this, I'd love some positive advice on how to handle my feelings for work guy.
copperg
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Re: Made such a mess of 8 years...

Postby stephie2 » Fri Dec 08, 2017 1:16 pm

You need to cut all ties other than work related stuff from the other guy. You are with your partner again now and I would concentrate on making that work. It sounds to me like this guy from work was using you for his own benefit given that when you split up after you had slept with him he never bothered with you.

I would concentrate on your partner and making the relationship work by respecting him and not give this other guy a thought. Just tell yourself that he is not good for your mental health and that you deserve something better than just the odd fumble when he feels like it.
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