Am i being unreasonable

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Am i being unreasonable

Postby saramidnite » Fri Sep 29, 2017 8:23 pm

Hello

I not sure not to feel at the moment. I know my boyfriend hates social things which i am fine with and understand. I end up having to visit my family on my own for occasions and family parties.

We have been together 8 and half years. My cousin i grew up with as they lived close to my home when i was young got engaged. I am so pleased for her.

My boyfriend is refusing to go to the wedding.
I can make resonable excuses for him not visiting them in the past. He has a family farm. The wedding not any time soon. He is stubborn so he wont change his mind.
But it left me feeling like i dont matter as he said he dont care if he afends any one by not going.

I feel like i not sure what to do. I am very angry with him. I wasnt expecting him to stay the whole day or even dance with me. Just attend the service and the meal.

We having a big family dinner a few weeks before it and i even told him i dont expect him to attend it. Just the wedding.

I feel i am going to a wedding. And constanly going to explain why he not there like usual. And my family will be angry with him as it an important occasion. Which i dont want. Even if i am mad with him.
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Re: Am i being unreasonable

Postby snail » Sat Sep 30, 2017 9:50 am

No, you're not being unreasonable. He should go to the wedding even if he doesn't want to. None of us really want to do these sort of things, but you have to do them for your partner. And yes, your family will be asking where he is and yes, they will be a little offended, and concerned about your relationship.

Your partner's being selfish I'm afraid.
These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb.

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Re: Am i being unreasonable

Postby David020549 » Sat Sep 30, 2017 10:45 am

My sympathy I do know one or two men and women who just don't feel happy in social situations, wether that be family or otherwise. I understand that you are angry but don't be and don't let it spoil your relationship with him, just apologise for him, say he doesn't like crowds, it's his loss, so make sure you invite him then go on your own and enjoy yourself.
One of my women friends is in exactly the same situation ( farming family too) they are rarely together, she just gets on with her own social life, home life, children, it doesn't bother her one jot.

As long as he treats you well otherwise don't be embarrassed and don't let it drive a wedge between you.
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Re: Am i being unreasonable

Postby Tarantula » Sat Sep 30, 2017 5:46 pm

You're not being unreasonable, it's a very reasonable thing to expect a longterm partner to make time and effort for your family/other people who are important to you.

Do you spend time with his family/people?

It sounds like this is something you will have to accept/settle for if you wanna stay with him. Whilst I don't think you're being unreasonable AT ALL, I also think he's at least being clear about what he does and doesn't want/isn't leading you on with false promises or whatever...

It would be a problem for me too. A big one. Is the relationship wonderful, other than that?
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