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Moving In Together -Finances

PostPosted: Mon Aug 28, 2017 3:40 pm
by SMW83
Hi,

My partner and I have been dating for around 8 months now and since meeting we have only spent two nights apart, with him staying with me at my place each time.

Due to this, when his lease was due to be renewed two months ago, it’s seemed ridiculous for him to be paying rent for a property he wasn’t staying at considering he has been practically living with me for the last 6 months and I own my own home so I invited him to move in. He has moved into my place, which I have furnished myself, with only personal belongings, clothes and such owing to the fact he lived in a fully furnished place. We both work and earn around the same.

However, since moving in he has only ‘contributed’ £200 per month towards bills and such with me paying all bills, food etc. Considering these bills have increased since him staying with me and I am buying food and such for two people (with these outgoings costing me around £800-£1000 per month and were around £500 per month previously), with me also washing and cooking for him and predominantly maintaining our home solely.

I perhaps should have discussed it with him before moving in but it seem uncouth considering it was a new-ish relationship but am I wrong for thinking he should contribute more?

He is 8 years younger than me and like I said is a relatively new relationship so any advice on how to approach this with him would be greatly appreciated.

Re: Moving In Together -Finances

PostPosted: Mon Aug 28, 2017 7:01 pm
by Mrconfused74
This is always a tricky situation at any stage of the relationship, and should really have been talked about before hand. Firstly saying your costs have seemingly doubled I would worry about why? One extra person in a house shouldn't add too much to utility bills, and as for food where are you shopping?? Or do you eat out of get take away a lot?
If he was comfortably paying for his own place it would be fair to suggest that you spilt the bills, with him paying half when it comes to the rent or mortgage if he pays this he would have some right over the property if anything was to happen and you separate. Perhaps what you should do is agree that he pays the additional you are paying out, the fact your saying it's between £300 and £500 more than you did on your own would suggest to me that you are paying too much for certain things. If you can do this comfortably then fine, but lay the ground rules now. Say to him it's been a little while now and it's clear what he's paying Diesnt cover the additional outgoings of living together and got from there.

Re: Moving In Together -Finances

PostPosted: Tue Aug 29, 2017 7:31 am
by David020549
Many couples fall out over over how to divide the money fairly and there are so many factors that come into the equation, for instance you mention that value of domestic duties that you do, how do you value that?. It all depends on the amount of trust and fairness in the relationship, if you are close, socialising together and have mostly common interests then asking him for say £500 a month should be no problem. As long as it is a happy relationship and you are maintaining or increasing your savings don't try to calculate a "fair" share, what value do you put on a good relationship, priceless?.

At this stage you should avoid anything that might be seen as a contribution to a mortgage, the house is your investment as well as where you live, in 10 years time it could be worth double, so see any mortgage payment as part rent, part investment.

Re: Moving In Together -Finances

PostPosted: Wed Aug 30, 2017 11:53 am
by Tarantula
I disagree that things like chores or a good relationship should come into the equation. They don't. Only actual monetary spending matters. Let's keep quantifiable factors (money, numbers) separate from subjective factors.

He should pay half the bills and his share of the food. That's fair. Of course, he's struck lucky that he's with someone who owns their own place, because it means he doesn't have to pay rent. Lucky him. I don't see that he's obliged to contribute to your mortgage if he doesn't also get his share of the spoils later on. The property and all future returns remain yours, simple.

OR you get him put on the mortgage in which case he has to start paying half, AND pay half of all the contributions made by you so far. Then it would be like you purchased the property together, though of course that's a big step.

Don't be paying for his food, that's doormat territory. Let him pay for what he uses.

As for chores, well, it should ideally be 50/50, but again, to me, this doesn't come into the money issue. That's a separate issue to do with laziness/cooperation etc.

As for one-off maintenance/repairs for the home, he should pay half as he is living there too.

Re: Moving In Together -Finances

PostPosted: Wed Aug 30, 2017 1:31 pm
by David020549
Try to think of him as a lodger with benefits, as the relationship progresses you can think of him as a partner or even get married but do be guarded at present. Let's hope that you have met your soul mate but if the worst happens his lodger status makes a clean break easier.

Do NOT under any circumstances get him involved in YOUR property and remember marriage does have property implications that could cost a great deal.