Young 5 year relationship ending? Advice needed!

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Young 5 year relationship ending? Advice needed!

Postby han97 » Tue Aug 15, 2017 7:20 pm

Hi, I'm nearly 20 years old and have been with my boyfriend since we were both 14. We've always had a great relationship and I love him a lot but in the last 6 months I have been feeling a bit bored of it (I know that sounds absolutely horrible) but I don't know how else to put it? We've been on holidays together and have the same circle of friends so enjoy going out on the weekends, etc. However, I just feel like I look at him as more of a friend now rather than a boyfriend, I really don't want to get intimate with him anymore and would rather spend the night in on my own.

I really love him and don't want to break his heart, but I also don't want to stay with him out of comfort and then regret it later on in life. I am only 19 so I am still really young to be settling down with a partner in my opinion! But I also don't want to break up with him and then completely regret it, I've been with him for so long I can't imagine life without him :(

Can anybody give me some advice on this topic or share their own experience with a young relationship and if it worked out or not? I am really confused and have no idea what to do!
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Re: Young 5 year relationship ending? Advice needed!

Postby reckoner » Tue Aug 15, 2017 10:57 pm

I have been in this situation (age 15-17, then 17-22). Splitting up was devastating, but nowhere near as devastating as the idea of still being with them now (many years later).

I think your instinct that you're too young to be settling down with a partner must not be ignored (and is correct). I don't believe in regrets, but if I could go back to my younger self, I'd tell myself to quit with the boyfriends and learn how to have fun for myself. As I can't do that, I'm saying it to you instead! Because you're much more likely to still have your friends 20 years on than your boyfriends, and boyfriends tend to get in the way of making the most of your friends. Relationships mean compromise and there's plenty of time ahead for that.

You can't imagine life without him because you don't know adult life without him. That might seem scary, but not as scary as never knowing adult life without him.

What you describe sounds like a good relationship that you have grown out of. It will hurt very badly to leave him, perhaps the worst you've ever felt, but that's as it should be and proves the time was not wasted. Staying in a relationship that you no longer feel is right would be time wasted.
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Re: Young 5 year relationship ending? Advice needed!

Postby David020549 » Wed Aug 16, 2017 7:05 am

This is a very common situation, when leaving school, starting Uni, or finishing Uni or taking a job away from home and becoming bored with a relationship after 5 years is normal too at any age. You have a boyfriend you know and trust, there is a big wide world out there but that does not mean there is a better future, more excitement, yes, also much more risk.

To make up your mind take a job away from home or go backpacking with a girlfriend, see some life away for a while, 3 months is a good time to decide then you can do it without regrets.

Best of luck
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Re: Young 5 year relationship ending? Advice needed!

Postby Tarantula » Tue Aug 22, 2017 1:26 pm

I agree with the others. I'm 26, and already so much has changed since I was in my teens, the thought of still being with any of the boys I was with during those years is horrifying! I feel I'm a very different person now. But at the time, I always thought, we're gonna get married, this is it.

Was it heck!

Act your age :P it's good that you've had a pleasant first experience (many don't), but that doesn't oblige you to stay forever. You need to see who else is out there, before making a life decision based more on options and not just who happened to be in your class at the time.
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