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Dumped out of the blue with no real reason

PostPosted: Mon Jun 12, 2017 7:43 pm
by Rko28
Hi all, hope you can help.
Friday night I got dumped by my gf totally out of the blue for the reason she thinks her feelings have changed since we initially got together and that we are different. She said she couldn't explain either of these in anymore detail in what she meant but had been feeling it off and on for a couple of weeks.

When I say out of the blue I really do mean it.

We had been together since January, a friend in work set us up (its his sister) and since day 1 got on like a house on fire, we always have fun together, have never fallen out, justvhad a real good time, at the 3 month mark I told her I loved her and she said she loved me, literally it's been the best 6 months of my life, I've never felt love like this.

The previous night we talked about going on holiday, the night before that she was telling me to return her sisters wedding rsvp asap, it seemed like we had it set for a while. We had even mentioned going to New Zealand next year to do a bit of travelling.

The only bit of a wobble was a bank holiday, she went out with friends he a great night but couldn't remember much, I saw her the next day and we were fine as normal but later that week she went distant for a day or 2, the week later she went on her sisters hen party to Portugal, didn't really hear much off her, since coming back it was fine.

Now I trust her so much but I wonder if something happened on that night out to make her feel like this?

I'm in pieces because I could see myself with her for a long time and it's ended without a real explanation that's being backed up.

She's agreed to see me tomorrow night to talk it over but her brother said today that she's not upset at al and is thinking now she has done the right thing because a lack of heart ache.

I'm so confused, any help or advice is welcome.

Thanks

Re: Dumped out of the blue with no real reason

PostPosted: Mon Jun 12, 2017 10:51 pm
by Mrconfused74
It's quite possible something happened, either when she went out,or on the hen party. It's also possible that perhaps she felt things were moving too fast. And all that was going on just fuelled this. It's natural to feel the way you did in those early months, but some people find planning ahead like too much of a commitment. We all say stuff to keep our partner happy when in fact we don't want to do it at all. All you can really do is accept her decision, if she's not upset then perhaps she just wasn't as into you as you thought. Listen to what she says, and move on! Perhaps if she does tell you why it'll help in future relationships.

Re: Dumped out of the blue with no real reason

PostPosted: Mon Jun 12, 2017 11:04 pm
by Rko28
Yes I agree with all your points, it was her suggesting all these things in the future though. Literally the night before I said how I'd love to go on holiday as I want some sun, she said "why don't we go then? I'm sure we can fit it in"

Do you think meeting her will help? I've been on similar relationship forums (American) and they say don't do it, their thoughts are way different to us Brits tho

Re: Dumped out of the blue with no real reason

PostPosted: Tue Jun 13, 2017 6:56 am
by David020549
Let her go and wish her well, this happens all the time, at the hen party she had more fun than she had been having with you. She is not ready to settle down with one boyfriend, if it's any consolation it often happens after several years for no explicable reason, meet if you want to but only to say farewell.

Re: Dumped out of the blue with no real reason

PostPosted: Tue Jun 13, 2017 7:49 am
by Rko28
The only thing is, when she got back things carried on being great, we went down to Cardiff as she wanted to introduce me to her uni friends, she kept reminding me to get the rsvp card for her sisters wedding done asap, talked about the future still.

Do you think there is any hope rekindling this by maybe giving her space and time to miss me? Even though her brother says she's not upset, maybe she's hiding it and lying to herself?

I woke myself up this morning crying about her after having a dream I was with her. I can't take it anymore.

So much I need to ask her tonight

Re: Dumped out of the blue with no real reason

PostPosted: Tue Jun 13, 2017 7:59 am
by Mrconfused74
I had an ex that was exactly the same, talked about the future and made plans, then started going out with people from
Work and suddenly we were over! Less than half an hour later she's making plans to meet up with friends. So it's quite possible she's not at all upset! As someone said she sounds like she's not ready to settle down, so perhaps you should see this as dodging a bullet! You may well have stayed together longer, and then she could've ended it. Which would've hurt more, don't dwell on the things she said, it could've just been her way of keeping you around, if she does meet just ask her why? Nothing else, as for going back! Until she's ready for it then just walk away.

Re: Dumped out of the blue with no real reason

PostPosted: Tue Jun 13, 2017 9:15 am
by reckoner
I firmly believe that in order for a relationship to work, both parties have to feel exactly the same, whether it's no-strings fun or true love. In this case, it seems that you were into the relationship more than she was, or, as David suggests, she enjoyed life without you more than you did without her.

If I had a penny for every time someone professes love or talks about big plans for the future just before ending the relationship, well I wouldn't be rich but I'd certainly get by. I think the person knows what they should be feeling if the relationship is right and try to rehearse it; if it feels real, they stay, and if it doesn't, they go. I think she wanted to feel those things but didn't, or not enough. She had to test it to be sure.

Maybe she had specific reasons but what difference does it really make beyond knowing she just wasn't into it as much as you? She knows that ending things will hurt you and will not want to hurt you further with the specifics. If there are any.

It's horrible for you and you have my sympathy, but one day you'll meet someone who feels exactly the same as you and the pain you feel now is the flip side to the joy you'll feel then.

Re: Dumped out of the blue with no real reason

PostPosted: Tue Jun 13, 2017 9:52 am
by Rko28
Thanks for above replies. I think what it comes down to deep down, heck not even deep is that I want to get off my chest how I feel And hope it triggers something inside her, she said she still loves me.
I may go through hell this evening when we meet but I don't think I could live with myself thinking what if , if I didn't give it a shot at talking. Friday I was so shocked nothing came out, not even sure if it was a panic attack.

Re: Dumped out of the blue with no real reason

PostPosted: Tue Jun 13, 2017 10:00 am
by reckoner
"And hope it triggers something inside her"

Please prepare yourself for the fact that it won't. Even if you manage to talk her into trying again, you now know that there is doubt in her mind. In my experience, doubt only grows.

Re: Dumped out of the blue with no real reason

PostPosted: Tue Jun 13, 2017 10:32 am
by Rko28
I agree, i won't be asking to get back with her, is only do that if she literally begs saying it's been one of the worst choices of her life etc.
Gut feeling it's over, just need to close a few doors

Re: Dumped out of the blue with no real reason

PostPosted: Tue Jun 13, 2017 10:55 am
by reckoner
Totally understandable and the right frame of mind to go into it with. Let us know how it goes, if you can.

Re: Dumped out of the blue with no real reason

PostPosted: Tue Jun 13, 2017 12:23 pm
by highlandcow
Ah you poor thing. I've been there a couple of times now and it SUCKS! In fact, if you have an evening free with no plans to watch paint dry feel free to look on my profile for my post entitled 'Devestation' which I wrote in 2012 after being suddenly dumped with no real reason. Fair warning, it's a long read, but I basically used PP as an online diary back then, and this post details the breakup, all my feelings and, eventually, how I moved on. It really did help to get those feelings out, so please do keep on writing here if you feel it would help.

OK, so this is total rubbish. You feel like you'll never get better and that things will always look this bleak. I promise you it does not stay that way. You WILL move on from this, oh yes, you absolutely will. If you do /have read my post, it may surprise you to know that in 2015 I got married to a lovely man. I got over it, and so will you. It just takes time.

In regards to meeting up with her tonight - I would, but don't expect too much. She certainly owes you some sort of explanation though and I hope for your sake that you get it. It'll help you to come to terms with it. And if she can't give you an explanation....well, what kind of person does that make her?

In the meantime, know that breakups are hard and they take time to get over. So take as much time as you need, cry, scream, find some way of getting the anger out (I took up boxing - it really helped!) talk to your friends, and family. Make a playlist of angry songs and scream them out as loud as you can. Make a cake and eat the lot. (On another note, you might not feel like eating anything. I didn't for a long time and lost a couple of stone. Awful. I had no engery and you need loads of it to survive a break up!) Do anything you can do get through it no matter how odd it seems at the time.

If things don't go the way you want them to tonight, then I would consider breaking off contact with her. I know, I know, that is so very HARD to do, but it will help. Block the number, hide them on Facebook (I actually deleted my account for a few months to remove the temptation to look). I found that for a good few months I was still texting my ex on the lamest of pretences in order to get some sort of reaction from him. I figured that if I kept the lines of communication ope, he'd miss me and we'd end up back together. Wrong. It did nothing but further draw out my suffering, when I could have been using that time to move on. In fact, if there is one thing I wish I'd done sooner, it's block that guy's number! As soon as I did, I was able to enjoy an evening with friends without staring at my phone waiting for him to reply.

I hope this has helped. I'm sorry I'm not able to offer any advice as to why your girlfriend did what she did, but at least I can say, hey, it happened to me too and I can tell you from experience that you WILL get over it.

Good luck tonight. If you can, please let us know how it all goes.

Re: Dumped out of the blue with no real reason

PostPosted: Tue Jun 13, 2017 12:42 pm
by David020549
You didn't mention Uni before, that is a classic reason for a breakup, her horizons have widened greatly and she wants to be free to enjoy them. Same thing happens after Uni, couples who have been together for a year or two split up to follow separate goals, sorry but that is what often happens.

Re: Dumped out of the blue with no real reason

PostPosted: Tue Jun 13, 2017 12:50 pm
by Rko28
David020549 wrote:You didn't mention Uni before, that is a classic reason for a breakup, her horizons have widened greatly and she wants to be free to enjoy them. Same thing happens after Uni, couples who have been together for a year or two split up to follow separate goals, sorry but that is what often happens.

Sorry uni friends she made whilst there and still in touch with, she's 26 now and left uni a while ago. I'm 34.

Re: Dumped out of the blue with no real reason

PostPosted: Tue Jun 13, 2017 12:54 pm
by highlandcow
David020549 wrote:You didn't mention Uni before, that is a classic reason for a breakup


Turned out to be the reason my ex ended things as well. As David says, it's sadly a classic.