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Re: Dumped out of the blue with no real reason

PostPosted: Wed Jun 14, 2017 4:47 pm
by reckoner
Oh babe. You really haven't missed the boat, honestly. I was 37 when I met someone with whom it all finally fell into place. Just after I'd decided 'to hell with it, relationships are a nightmare, I want nothing more to do with them'.

It's an outrageous cliche but it was true for me; you only find it when you stop looking. There's no lonelier place than a relationship that isn't working so I think the best thing you can do is forget about finding that special someone, build a life you can enjoy for yourself and then I'm certain the happiness you exude from doing that will draw someone special to you.

Re: Dumped out of the blue with no real reason

PostPosted: Wed Jun 14, 2017 6:34 pm
by Rko28
I'm really happy with my life, I'm in the middle of saving up for a deposit on my house and have an interview next week for a massive promotion in work in which I'm really struggling to prepare for and focus on.

Just been able to eat my 1st meal since Friday afternoon and plan on going for a huge run in a bit but that horrible. Feeling is still there, I was hoping that knowing there's no hope it would go but it's not budging.

I haven't checked on any of her social media today so maybe I can get by without deleting her?

What should I with all the pictures on my phone of her? I'm dreading going through them

Re: Dumped out of the blue with no real reason

PostPosted: Wed Jun 14, 2017 8:08 pm
by reckoner
If this is Big Love you're talking about, it's going to take longer than a few days!!

Re: Dumped out of the blue with no real reason

PostPosted: Wed Jun 14, 2017 8:10 pm
by reckoner
Re: the photos - tricky one. Photography is my thing and I had several hundred thousand of my ex. I stored them on a hard drive to be considered at a very much later date.

Re: Dumped out of the blue with no real reason

PostPosted: Thu Jun 15, 2017 7:51 am
by Rko28
Absolutely clutching at straws here and doing myself no good what so ever clinging on to false hope when I've been told she won't change her mind, but...

She is on the hormone coil birth control, it came to me last night could this have done anyhting as one of my exes went on the wrong pill once and it sent her emotions all over the place so I googled it. Quite a few women have this type of coil and a lot have reported extreme changes of emotion and mood swings. Could it be?

Re: Dumped out of the blue with no real reason

PostPosted: Thu Jun 15, 2017 12:44 pm
by highlandcow
Just caught up with your story here.

Rko28 wrote:She is on the hormone coil birth control, it came to me last night could this have done anyhting as one of my exes went on the wrong pill once and it sent her emotions all over the place so I googled it. Quite a few women have this type of coil and a lot have reported extreme changes of emotion and mood swings. Could it be?


I don't think so, I'm sorry to say. I mean, of course it can cause mood swings and so on, but not to the extent that it would lead her to end a relationship. Especially as you met up a few days after the event and she still felt the same. You're going to end up driving yourself to distraction trying to work out a reason why she ended things and the best thing to do now is to try and move on from it. A tall order, I know, particularly since the reasons she gave have been less than convincing.

Rko28 wrote:Feeling is still there, I was hoping that knowing there's no hope it would go but it's not budging.


It swill help, but it's not going to go away just like that. You loved her, you've had a shock, it will take time and plenty of it. Try and be patient. Rome wasn't built in a day and heartbreak doesn't take one night to get over. Just know that it will happen, and it will likely happen without you being aware of it.

Rko28 wrote:What should I with all the pictures on my phone of her? I'm dreading going through them


Just don't go through them. Not yet anyway. I still have loads of pics of my ex hanging about on a hard drive somewhere. I told myself that one day I would sort them out but 5 years later they are still there. Not because it would be too painful, but I've got to the point beyond that, where I feel absoloutly zilch for the guy so I actually can't be bothered with them. Do you have physical stuff of hers, gifts, things that remind you of her? If so, box them all up and put them into storage. I kept all that rubbish...uh..I mean stuff, in my Dad's garage for a couple of years. Then I chucked the whole lot in the bin, box and all. What a fantastic feeling! :lol: Dramatic yes, but it felt like the thing to do at the time and I don't regret not keeping a bit of it! \:D/

Hope you're ok today. :grouphug:

Re: Dumped out of the blue with no real reason

PostPosted: Thu Jun 15, 2017 12:45 pm
by highlandcow
PS - sorry for any spelling errors. I had to get up to pop my son's dummy back in his mouth about 10 times while I was writing that! :roll:

Re: Dumped out of the blue with no real reason

PostPosted: Fri Jun 16, 2017 12:38 pm
by Rko28
Thanks, I'm possibly feeling better now, I ate last night and today and looking forward to seeing my friends next weekend. Dreading this weekend, even though I have plans it's sunny days that I'd usually be with her having fun, also I know she's out on her sisters local hen-do.

I deleted her pics before you messaged, was a quick, don't look at them just delete job.

Are you sure about this coil then?

Re: Dumped out of the blue with no real reason

PostPosted: Sun Jun 18, 2017 9:04 am
by Rko28
I stupidly thought I'd hear from her this weekend, she was off on her sisters local hen party, they were going out all day to a place we had one of our best few dates at, I thought she would get drunk, memories come back of me and then maybe truth would come out in her mind that she's made a mistake. Nothing.

I've hidden her on Facebook, and kept her on the rest, she's been quiet since Tuesday, nothing posted as I broke last night and checked. She still has pictures of me up on her Instagram.

I want to reach out to her. It's another glorious day outside, I want to be with her spending it. It's been over a week now and the only feeling that has got better is that I can eat.

Can't stop thinking about her. I want her back so much.

I sobbed my heart out yesterday in front of my mum, she said "time to let go, she's out having fun and probably not thinking about you, if she wanted to be with you then she would. She's not coming back"

I've not spoke to her since Tuesday

Re: Dumped out of the blue with no real reason

PostPosted: Sun Jun 18, 2017 2:26 pm
by snail
A week isn't that much time; you're doing really well. Try to stay positive. It has to be right for both of you or it's not actually right at all.

There will be lots and lots of other glorious sunny days when you will be having fun. There's some lucky girl out there you will be having it with.

Re: Dumped out of the blue with no real reason

PostPosted: Sun Jun 18, 2017 4:10 pm
by highlandcow
Snail is right. Its not been long and it will take a good while yet until you feel better. But you will. I know that you will be desperatley wanting to fast-track this whole thing, and to wake up tomorrow morning and feel better but sadly, it takes ages for these things to start feeling better. It took me a good few months to get over my ex and I SO wanted to take some magic pill that would make me forget about him (wouldn't that be great!)

I think you might be expecting too much from yourself. It takes time. Give yourself time and it will improve, albeit very slowly. You might be expecting too much from her as well. She has been clear about not getting in contact with you (I wish my ex had said that! It would have saved a lot of grief in the long run) You've done the right thing by blocking her Facebook. Try to resist checking up on her though, hard as it is. It won't help, particularly as she has made it clear she won't be contacting you. Checking up on her is just going to prolong the hurt.

I know the weather doesn't help (not that I'd know...it's been peeing down up here so I'm guessing you're in England! :roll: ) I personally hated nice weather during break ups. It makes you feel like everyone else is out having a super-happy-fun-sunshiney time. But to be honest, they probably aren't.

I'm glad you're feeling up to eating again. That is progress. Sadly, breaking up starts off as a very one step forward, two steps back process. But sooner or later, you will start to take just one backward step, then eventually you won't take any backward steps at all. And as I said before, you won't notice that happening.

Try and make sure you have plans for the evenings and weekends as they are the hardest time. Even if it's just meeting a pal for a cuppa, or watching your favourite film. And keep talking to your mum, to your friends, and to us, if it helps. Focus on that promotion (and let us know how it goes!)

I really do feel for you, I remember feeling like this myself and I'm sure others on PP do as well. I know it feels like it won't get better, but I promise it will.

Re: Dumped out of the blue with no real reason

PostPosted: Sun Jun 18, 2017 4:41 pm
by Rko28
Yes I wish there was a pill or something, but at the minute this pain I'm feeling is my only memory that the past 6 months happened, it feels like a dream now.

I'm actually in sunny Wales so there's lots of stunning places to explore.

Sorry when I said "hide on Facebook" it just means that she won't appear on my timeline, the only time I'll see her is if I actively search for her.

My mind is set on the job interview this Wednesday, I really hate to think how I will feel if I don't get this and then Saturday a friends wedding, even though she was meant to be with me I'm still looking forward to seeing all my friends and catching up. I just hope alcohol doesn't make me try and contact her.

It's going to be weird after the interview too as she was always the one I'd contact about news like this and vice Versa.

I'm half expecting her to contact me if I get the job to say well done, she will 100% know about it as I told her it was on Wednesday, she knows how much I want it and I'm sure her brother will mention it

Re: Dumped out of the blue with no real reason

PostPosted: Wed Jun 21, 2017 11:39 am
by highlandcow
How are you getting on? Is today your interview?

Re: Dumped out of the blue with no real reason

PostPosted: Wed Jun 21, 2017 12:41 pm
by Rko28
Hi, thanks for asking.
Interview went ok I think, did my best, find out Friday.

As for feelings, same I guess, back to eating normal but still miss her like crazy.

Her brother accidentally let slip yesterday that she asks everyday how I am but he said not to think for 1 second she is coming back, mind made up.

Weird if I get this job on Friday then it will be 2 weeks to the day that she broke up with me. 2 whole weeks, feels like forever. I'm not sure if I'm starting to think my time with her was just a dream.

Re: Dumped out of the blue with no real reason

PostPosted: Fri Jun 23, 2017 6:56 pm
by Rko28
Well 2 weeks today it happened, text once and seen her once during that time.
Not spoke to her for 10 days.
Have hidden on Facebook and put her to only see my restricted profile.

I slipped and checked her Instagram, she's deleted a few pictures of her and her sister out drunk whilst in Portugal (her sister has responsible job so perhaps that's why, either way, she still hasn't deleted our 1st pic we had together off there.

Her brother has told me today that she's and idiot because at home she's acting fine and not upset about it or anything whilst he sees me everyday and can see I've lost my spark. He's angry with her.

Anyway... today I got the job! At last something good has happened. Jus felt so weird to have this news and not tell her straight away.