Are we to different

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Are we to different

Postby hixy » Sat Jun 10, 2017 4:40 pm

I have been with y girlfriend for 2 years and living together for 12 months.For over half of the period we have been together i have slept in a different room because im sometimes noisy and my girlfriend is a light sleeper.Im 48 if im being honest 48 going on 55 haha im old fashioned in my ways i also sufferer with mental health issues and pain to,My partner is 40 but a young forty before me she was attracted to younger men..She is also very vanilla and im not.Just lately we have started to argue and she has said some nasty things,me being a bit mental never forgets this and if she really thinks the things she does why does she even bother with me.Yes im a miserable basket but i was when i met her.This is the first time in my life where i dont sleep with my partner and being honest i hate it,Sex now if and when it happens feels very fake and forced not nice a cuddly if sleeping in the same bed.She says she never asked me to sleep elsewhere but because of the way i am guilt would do my head in waking her up,,I miss the closeness sleeping together brings and miss the sex,She struggles with my mental health which is understandable as it would do my head in and does.Over the years i have been very clingy jealous stuff like that but nowadays im not ,not at all its like ive gone totally the opposite.Because we are the way we are not very tactile or romantic, i miss the sex because at least that is a form of affection.Because im a little kinky and she isnt im called a perv and a miserable twonk. I have said lets go to relate 4 times and nothing ever comes of it.Do you think its time to throw the towel in.She cant change and i cant either so nothing is going to change is it.
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Re: Are we to different

Postby snail » Sat Jun 10, 2017 9:25 pm

I don't think the not sleeping in the same bed matters that much - I am the same with my partner because I'm a light sleeper that nonetheless needs lots of sleep and he's restless and gets up at 4.30 ish but we are still very cuddly and still have lots of sex. More worrying is the lack of respect/tolerance you have for each other's differing views - she's "vanilla" and you're "a perv" - and the lack of affection. If you really want to try and save the relationship, mention Relate again and this time insist on it. Otherwise I can only see you splitting up.
These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb.

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Re: Are we to different

Postby highlandcow » Sun Jun 11, 2017 1:46 pm

I agree totaly with Snail. Sometimes my husband and I have to sleep apart (we have a 4 month old and my husband has a long commute to work and a demanding job so needs the sleep.) But we try and make up for it by being affectionate, and if I'm honest, I do miss him when we have to sleep apart.

But I agree that if you're fundamentally different in the ways that you do show love and affection and in the ways that you're intimate, it doesn't sound like it has much cahnce unless you're both willing to work hard at it.

Have you mentioned this to your partner?
Go to Glasgow at least once in your life and have a roll and square sliced sausage and a cup of tea. When you feel the tea coursing over your spice-singed tongue, you'll know what I mean when I say:
'It's good to be alive!'"

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