Fed up :(

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Fed up :(

Postby Chipster » Tue May 30, 2017 4:25 pm

Hi all new member here,

Ive been married to my wife 19 years now and we got married in less than a year from meeting. Shes nearly 8 years older than me but never used to look it so it never bothered me. The last few years in my eyes shes become lazy. We have two teenage boys that she looks after and she does the washing and cooking which I sometmes help when Im around . She gave up working a few years ago and has got into a habit now of going to bed during the day every single day. She will drop the boys off at school and then go straight to bed until school pick up time every single day. Im self employed and usually work long hours so when I see that she is just sleeping while im hard at work it gets quite depressing. The house is an absolute pig sty but if I offer to help im told to leave everything as shes doing it but she never does.

Shes put on a huge amount of weight now not helped by no exercise and eating lots of biscuits between meals.
Our sex life has been dying over the years and as from today we havent had sex for over 8 months.

I cannot bring myself to talk to her about things with her as I feel I will end up arguing with her, I really dont now what to do. I'm getting really depressed as i'm normally a person that bottles everything up.

After advice on what I should do.
Chipster
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Re: Fed up :(

Postby Country Joe » Tue May 30, 2017 11:11 pm

Hi Chipster sorry you find yourself in this situation, clearly your partner is also depressed and would have appeared to have all but shut down herself! Where do you start, where do you start? First of all you can't continue to 'bottle' things up because inevitably when your cork bursts it will all come out completely wrong, fuelled with anger and frustration! It does neither of you any favours to not address the problem simply because your afraid it will end in an argument! Sometimes an argument can have a positive effect on the outcome, your wife is clearly wrapped up in herself & being able to see your resentment and frustration may well bring her to evaluate the situation! No doubt she's feeling like a failure and that's why she refuses your help, she can see the things that need doing but over time she's lost interest in herself and the home and finally you as well! It may seem easier to not broach the subject as it's grown in to a bit of a monster! So Chipster time to man up as they say and calmly and collectively talk to your wife, she needs help not criticism! don't waste any more time bottling stuff up get it out in a controlled and measured response, write it down if you have to! Start by speaking to her tomorrow....book a table somewhere, arrange to go for a walk, a drive out somewhere familiar, no excuses just talk to her! I'll be waiting for an update!
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Re: Fed up :(

Postby David020549 » Wed May 31, 2017 1:25 pm

This is going to be really hard, your wife obviously needs a lot of help to get out of this downward spiral, GP and psyciatrist, weight watchers and a lot of help from you. To restore her self esteem you need to spend much more time with her, she needs exercise, so go to the gym with her, take regular walks together anything to get her moving. There is a couple that go to my local gym he is normal enough but she is huge, she is gradually making progress and is always chatty and happy.

I do realise that it will clash with work and maybe you will take a cut in cash but it is probably a sacrifice that needs to be made, she is a prime candidate for diabetes and may become disabled easily, then it would be even harder to cope.
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Re: Fed up :(

Postby snail » Wed May 31, 2017 8:00 pm

She sounds quite severely depressed. A starting point would probably be to get her to see her GP - I think I would say that you are worried about her health because sleeping all day isn't normal (she can hardly deny that) and you want her to see her doctor. This would be relatively easy to do. And can you go with her to make sure the GP hears everything s/he needs to hear?
These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb.

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Re: Fed up :(

Postby Chipster » Sat Jun 17, 2017 6:20 pm

Hi all thanks for the comments.

So far ive done nothing about this. Im finding it very hard to bring up the subject. When Ive mentioned in the past that the sleeping during the day isnt right she just gets the hump. To be quite honest its got to the stage where I just dont want to be with her any more, its past the stage of sorting things out I just want it all to end. I just dont know what to do and its getting me down.
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Re: Fed up :(

Postby highlandcow » Sun Jun 18, 2017 3:49 pm

Hi Chipster,

Jujst read through you post and it looks like others have come to the same conclusion that I have - she does indeed sound like she's depressed.

Chipster wrote:To be quite honest its got to the stage where I just dont want to be with her any more, its past the stage of sorting things out I just want it all to end. I just dont know what to do and its getting me down.


Perhaps she can sense that? Don't give up on her though, she needs help and sounds like she is finding it hard to admit to it. First step, as others have suggested is to get her to see her GP.
Go to Glasgow at least once in your life and have a roll and square sliced sausage and a cup of tea. When you feel the tea coursing over your spice-singed tongue, you'll know what I mean when I say:
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