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Why would a woman go back to her ex?

Posted: Wed Mar 29, 2017 2:42 pm
by MrR78
Hi Guys,

After a recent break up with my ex girlfriend whom I loved unconditionally, I wanted to post here to get some advice as I am in the process of moving on, but because I did not get any closure from my ex, I am person who needs it in order to progress and move on.
The short version of the story is this.

I met my ex at work who is significantly younger than me. We are both Indian. She was very aggressive in chasing me and made it obvious she was interested. I was initially reluctant go there due to the age difference but decided to give it a chance. On our first date I brought the age issue up and she said that she could be with someone her age and it may not make her happy. I make her happy.

We had an absolutely amazing relationship for 10 months and one day her parents asked her where it was going between us and I suggested she tell them of the age difference.
Needless to say they were not happy and after a month or so of my ex becoming distant she broke it off. During this month she did tell me numerous times that we would talk but that conversation never happened. All I got from her was her parents are saying no and I don’t know what she has been through.

I did really care for this girl and I still do, but over time I did still chase her and our last conversation was on 31 October. She told me at that point that basically her parents gave her a choice, it’s me or them and that she hopes she does not regret her decision, and that she can’t imagine not talking to me and that she wanted to remain friends. I agreed to remain friends but she made no forth coming effort.

Mid November time we walked into work together and had a nice chat and exchanged a few smiles and emails throughout the day. This girl even went home and told her parents she wanted to marry me and gave me that impression too.

A month later I find out that she is back with her ex of 6 years, and they broke up because his parents did not approve of her. She has blocked me on all media and the only way I can contact her is through work email and she doesn’t respond. I get the hint, and basically sent her one final email to her personal email address and laid it all out. So far no response.
I accept the relationship is over – however what I don’t understand is why would a girl go back to a previous relationship knowing it can’t go anywhere. She told someone at work that she is having problems with her partners family.

What makes a woman do this? I was a good boyfriend to her, she knows that. I am happy that she is happy however I have a feeling this will not end well for her.

As for me and her well she completely avoids me at work. I would have thought that we shared something special so we could atleast remain professional. I’m not asking to be BFF’s

I think there is a possibility that I may be a rebound but her behaviour in the relationship makes me think otherwise. She was very attentive, told me she loved me first, integrated me into her family and they knew we were dating.

Any advice is appreciated.

Re: Why would a woman go back to her ex?

Posted: Thu Mar 30, 2017 7:59 am
by Mrconfused74
Her parents didn't approve, and she made a choice to end it. The behaviour after that, the emails, we can be friends etc was probably because she couldn't break contact completely. But now she's with someone else she feels she can't speak to you anymore. As for her current relationship! It's not your issue, she's made a decision so you should let her deal with any consequences. It's not your problem, regardless of you saying you want to be friends, you do still love her, so of course you will worry.

As for what you should do? You need to move on, she clearly doesn't want any contact with you, so leave her alone, by messaging her she knows you're waiting to see what happens. So stop now, and move on. She may well contact you
If she sees that you may not care anymore, but to me it's simple this relationship has no future she will always pick her parents.

Re: Why would a woman go back to her ex?

Posted: Thu Mar 30, 2017 8:59 am
by MrR78
Yes I totally agree. I am now in the process of moving on, and we did share something very special.

However I am confused as to why she went back to her ex, when that situation is also a dead end.

Is it a comfort thing, or was I a rebound. I don't feel as if I was because she did give in the relationship. His parents are still refusing her.

I just want answers really. I have let her go in the sense that we aren't together and probably never will be.

Re: Why would a woman go back to her ex?

Posted: Thu Mar 30, 2017 1:55 pm
by Mrconfused74
Firstly it doesn't matter why she went back, she just has. She can't and won't be with you, so yes she is looking for comfort, she needs to be with someone and chose him. Whether it can go anywhere isn't your concern, and until you accept this you will not have moved on. Just forget her.

Re: Why would a woman go back to her ex?

Posted: Thu Mar 30, 2017 8:21 pm
by David020549
I'm a bit puzzled here you are Indian, she is Indian, you know the cultural differences, despite living in the UK for several generations the old traditions still rule many lives. Women are expected to be obedient and follow the path set by their parents, never underestimate the pressure that can be applied to an errant daughter, even in the UK.
She has decided the bow to that influence, do not make it more difficult for her accept her decision and move on.

Re: Why would a woman go back to her ex?

Posted: Fri Mar 31, 2017 9:34 am
by MrR78
Hi David.

Yes I totally agree with what you are saying and respect her decision.

I am concerned for the girl though, because it was cultural differences that caused her to break up with her ex, and his family did not accept her. So she has gone back to a situation that is potentially harmful to her. That's the part I don't understand.

I just hope things don't end badly for her. I did truly love her so want her to be happy, but I guess our happiness is in our own hands. Maybe this is a path she needs to walk to learn.

I think I need to switch off from it now. It doesn't help because we work together and I see her everyday.

I am moving on with life, dating etc and having fun. She will do what she needs to do...