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Weird feelings for my boss?!

PostPosted: Sat Feb 18, 2017 8:09 pm
by spacegirl
Hello, I have recently started having really strange feelings for my boss - lust, not loving feelings. I have never found him physically attractive, he isn't particularly attractive but in recent dealings with him I've started feeling very strongly sexually atteacted to him. I'm married, happily, and this really has taken me by surprise.

The worst and weirdest part of it though is that I only get these feelings when he and I have had an argument! He's the top boss of the company I work with and he and I disagree on a number of new things he is implementing. I quite often find myself in his office having a stand-off with him, which ends with one or the other of us storming off. Why on earth do I feel attracted to him when I'm so frustrated with him all the time?! It's not that we have a bad relationship, we do get on, we just disagree on a lot of things and I will always stand up for my team and my beliefs, which I think he respects.

Recently I've had a few dreams and fantasies about sleeping with him after an argument. So embarrassing but I can't get it out of my head??!!!! I do not think he is thinking the same, nor do I want him to!!!

Re: Weird feelings for my boss?!

PostPosted: Sun Feb 19, 2017 10:06 am
by Mrconfused74
It's not unusual for this to happen, perhaps the fact that he stands up to you is a trait you like in a man, and this has caused these feelings. You don't necessarily have to find someone attractive to have feelings for someone, their personality goes along way to attracting a person to them. That said it does sound like there maybe something deep down that you're not aware of. Firstly he's your boss, so if he says something you shouldn't be arguing, the fact he is may well show he enjoys this and perhaps does find you attractive. How to stop it? Don't argue, if you disagree send an email, don't have it out with him. It could be as simple as no one has stood up to you before. Oh know you said you are happily married, but perhaps think this over, lots of couples seem to be happy, but perhaps something even something little is missing.

Re: Weird feelings for my boss?!

PostPosted: Sun Feb 19, 2017 11:15 am
by spacegirl
Hi MrConfused, thanks for your reply. I guess maybe deep down there is an attraction (I didn't necessarily mean it was down to physical attraction) but we've worked together for two years and I have never seen it which is why this is taking me by surprise! In terms of him enjoying the challenge he did tell me before that he liked that I challenge him as others more senior than me are too afraid to so maybe there is something there as you say. I wouldn't work somewhere that the boss was a complete autocrat. It isn't a case of him standing up to me but me standing up to him, he is threatening to make some of my staff redundant with no real understanding of what they do and what they contribute so it does require me speaking to him face to face in order to defend their positions. Unfortunately these conversations start off business-like and become quite heated, he is very stubborn and quite hot tempered (not unlike myself). I have always strongly believed that I should stand up for what I believe is the right course of action, and an email can often come across as quite passive-aggressive, so I avoid sending emails where there is potential conflict, especially with something as important as this.

Regarding my marriage, I'm afraid I don't agree with you there. My husband and I have admittedly had a tough year with miscarriages, fertility issues etc. but this has brought us closer together if anything and my husband has been extremely supportive and loving through a very dark time for me (it has affected him too but I've found it very hard). I said in my previous message I would never so much as consider acting on this, nor would I want to, I guess what I was trying to understand is why the conflict between me and my boss is stirring up this attraction. It has made things quite awkward in work, I can barely look him in the face so it's inconvenient more than anything!

Surely a strange and quite frankly unwelcome crush (I guess that is what this is) isn't indicative of problems in a happy marriage?

Re: Weird feelings for my boss?!

PostPosted: Sun Feb 19, 2017 1:07 pm
by Mrconfused74
I agree that there can be a attraction that's not based on looks, it's happened to me so i know, but sometimes it happens when you least expect it. I see what you mean about not being able to email about work, I guess you can get very passionate when defending your colleagues from possible redundancy, and perhaps this is the feeling you have, maybe not directed at him, but in that your passion had been raised by him. Hence the dreams and fantasies about him. I'm sure many people have dreamt about others in a sexual way when in real life they would never consider it.

I'm sorry to hear of your problems this year, I'm sure it's been very tough, my ex lost a baby when she was 6 months gone, and I don't think we ever got over it, and I do remember around that time both of us thought about cheating ( it wasn't till later I found out she did ) I'm not denying your marriage is strong, but things like fertility can have a profound affect on couples just as a miscarriage can.
Many people have said they wouldn't act upon this kind of situation but in the heat of the moment anything can happen, doesn't mean you don't love your husband any less. I know someone going through a similar thing themselves, and often they say to me why do they feel like this?? I'm sure if I had the answer I would say, but the mind is a funny thing.

Re: Weird feelings for my boss?!

PostPosted: Sun Feb 19, 2017 3:21 pm
by spacegirl
Oh dear. I will have to try and avoid him - a very tricky one as aside from the redundancy stuff we do work together on various projects. I do trust myself and nothing will happen but I hear what you're saying. Aaagh! ](*,) ](*,) ](*,)

Re: Weird feelings for my boss?!

PostPosted: Sun Feb 19, 2017 4:34 pm
by Mrconfused74
It's a tough one, but even avoiding for a short time may well be enough to get over these feelings, although as you say won't be easy. Good luck x

Re: Weird feelings for my boss?!

PostPosted: Mon Jun 26, 2017 10:15 pm
by 19ironside12
You say you are happily married. Then you know what you should and should not be doing , I don't need to say anymore. .
Nobody can help how they feel about other people , being attracted to another person is natural you can't control that but you can control your actions.
Don't go there!

Re: Weird feelings for my boss?!

PostPosted: Tue Jun 27, 2017 12:26 pm
by David020549
You are attracted to the power and quite likely would like to use " ALL " your influence as you would at home to get the result you want. Bosses try not to be autocrats with employees or at least they should do, most listen to the opposing point of view then make a decision. If reorganization is needed he has to choose the least painful way of achieving that and he will be agonizing over that, nobody wants to make good staff members redundant but if no productive work is available, staff have to go.
Many companies would have a "last in first out policy" or voluntary redundancy, failing that choices have to be made and you should not get involved yourself in those choices