She finally broke up w/ her girlfriend, what should I do?

For problems with girlfriends, boyfriends, husbands, wives, lovers and leavers!
Forum rules
Post Reply
User avatar
The Annonymous Potato
One of the Crowd
One of the Crowd
Posts: 54
Joined: Mon Jan 21, 2008 10:59 pm
Gender: Female

She finally broke up w/ her girlfriend, what should I do?

Post by The Annonymous Potato » Thu Jan 05, 2017 1:26 am

Yesterday I bumped into an old friend, someone I haven't seen much of this past year, but someone I have always, since we first met, had very strong feelings for. In the entire time that I have known her she has always had a long-term girlfriend, But yesterday she said the words I had lost all hope of ever hearing. She has the most beautiful smile I've ever known, but yesterday, in all the time I've known her I swear I'd never seen her so happy as when she told me she'd broken up with her girlfriend.

We were good friends and co workers for a couple of years before, I stayed in that job I hated for so long to be around her. Quite masochistic in a way, torturing myself everyday with the longing for the someone I could never be with as she ran her fingers through my hair and gave me that wicked grin that still makes me melt inside. On the other hand she became a very close friend, she always had my back, always, even through the worst of times. She could read me so well, sometimes I worried how obvious my feelings must have been. It was a horrible job and I was constantly tormented and humiliated by the homophobic boss, but none of that mattered when I was working with her, her smile was infectious, there was never a dull moment between us.

Her girlfriend was not my greatest fan though....It's strange that someone I saw all the time and was, on the surface, someone I had far more in common with was not more friendly towards me. I tried with her, I figured that even though she wasn't that nice to me, I still respected her because she clearly tried hard to make my friend happy. Everytime I tried to make an effort with her though, she always shot me down and mocked me, and that was on a good day. My friend once even told me that her girlfriend didn't like me, when I asked her why she shrugged it off and didn't really answer the question. I can't find her on facebook now since they broke up, it seems out of character that she would delete herself so I can't help but wonder if I've been blocked, even though I haven't seen her in over a year now. I sometimes think she resented me because of the way my friend/her girlfriend was around me and how obvious I must have been with my feelings. My ex girlfriend only saw my friend a handful of times but she hated her as well for some reason.

There were a few times where I think if she hadn't had her girlfriend, something more may have happened between us. When we'd go for drinks, she'd often sit on my lap or hold me on her lap, one time when everyone went for after-work drinks she laid down on the bench with her head between my legs on my crotch, she put my arms round her to support her and smiled at me, It felt like the most natural thing in the world, I didn't realise it had gone quiet and I had been caressing her arm while everyone had been staring at us. One time when she was a bit drunk she led me round a corridor and she started trying to tell me something then changed her mind, I asked her what it was and she randomly brought up that I was casually seeing a girl who's name she thought was stupid. I tried to push her to say more but she just looked at me, grabbed my face and kissed me on the lips, not romantically I don't think but sort of like how you kiss a dog on their forehead, then she said "you're perfect" and ran off. One time we were at an open all hours bar and she was getting upset, saying how she felt she wasn't attractive etc. so I told her she was beautiful and leaned in to kiss her but she quickly moved her head and changed the subject. The next day a friend of ours pulled me aside and asked me what was I thinking last night. Apparently She'd told her what had happened, and so I tried to brush it off as that's just how I cheer people up when they're upset, she seemed to accept that lie and then told me it was strange how she wasn't going to tell girlfriend what happened even as a funny story but was instead planning on hiding it from her. Things weren't awkward at all though, I tried to apologize but she just acted like it had never happened.

Whenever we're together theres this remarkable chemistry like nothing I've ever known before... I waited years to finally hear her say she's left her girlfriend. Now it's happened, I can't quite believe it, I'm not sure what to do with really knocked my confidence when she dodged my advances about a year and a half ago, and it's been almost a year since we properly hung out. I think she rejected my kiss because she didn't want to cheat on her girlfriend, but a part of me worries what if she simply doesn't think of me in that way and I've read it all completely wrong. She said we should go for a drink and have a catch up or something but I'm terrified of being rejected twice by the same person, theres no way I can blag my way out of that twice. Also she was with her girlfriend 6 years and the other day she said she felt free and like she could breathe again, I don't want to ruin that feeling for her. But then I'd be kicking myself forever if I miss my chance and somebody else swoops in after I've been waiting all this time. What should I do?
I shall blend in, like a potato in a swimming pool

Familiar Face
Familiar Face
Posts: 413
Joined: Thu Dec 25, 2014 6:29 am
Gender: Male

Re: She finally broke up w/ her girlfriend, what should I do

Post by David020549 » Fri Jan 06, 2017 8:31 pm

As nobody else has replied here is my view.
Are same sex relationships really that different to straight ones, it begins with attraction, if there is mutual attraction it moves to dating, then to a relationship. You are obviously attracted and have been for several years but in that time she has made no move to accept dating, so you have remained just friends, being long term friends makes it very difficult to progress to a relationship.
I am not at all sure of same sex dating etiquette but if you are determined to date her then ask her to join you for coffee, or a drink or a movie, just the two of you, maybe she will say yes, see how it goes and maybe she will want another date, which brings us back to the beginning of this post - There has to be mutual attraction.
Attraction comes in many forms, Companionship, Security, Financial, Sexual and several other needs, F/F relationships are very common, not just the stereotypical Butch and Girlie couple that are very visible but a wide range of long term relationships that exclude men.

Post Reply