Please help me put my relationship into perspective

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Please help me put my relationship into perspective

Postby Cfdest » Fri Dec 23, 2016 12:41 pm

Hello, I am a male in my late 20s and I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for almost 3 years. We met online and instantly we both knew we were a good match for one another. Fast forward 3 years and we are still a good match but I am having doubts and need to figure out if it's time to end things or not.

Firstly she is my first proper girlfriend and therefore there is the obvious attachment which everyone will have to their first. I think the main issue is that at early on I overlooked her flaws or maybe didn't even notice them but now I can't help but see them all the time.

A few examples.....she isn't very womanly, doesn't wear make up and never has, doesn't make much effort with her hair and general appearance and won entertain the idea when I mentioned it. She also has facial hair and body hair where woman probably shouldn't which is a bit of a turn off.

She's very clever but has absolutely no common sense or life skills and I feel like I have to babysit her.

She doesn't like my music and a lot of my films and TV programs etc and is very stubborn about trying something new. She is also very anxious and emotional and a glass half empty kind of person, moaning about menial things all the time.

There are other little bits and bobs as well but i don't want to list everything.

Putting all of that aside I love her and care for her but I think I finally understand the difference between loving someone and bring in love with them.

I look to the future and can see a life with her but is it just playing the safe option? Can I do better? Will it become worse as we get older?

There certainly is no romance and doubt there ever could be, perhaps I am waiting for the perfect person who doesn't exist? I am always looking at other woman and thinking they look hot or 'I wish my girlfriend would dress like that' or have this attribute etc.

Sorry for the essay but I would like to get other people's opinions and advice on the matter.

Thanks in advance
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Re: Please help me put my relationship into perspective

Postby Country Joe » Fri Dec 23, 2016 3:57 pm

It sounds as if you've already made your mind up! If things as trivial as 'facial hair and hair in other places are important enough to you to mention then your with the wrong girl. It comes down to far more important things such as compatibility, mutual love and respect. No doubt there will be physical imperfections anout yourself that may annoy her. When you love someone you love them warts and all.
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Re: Please help me put my relationship into perspective

Postby snail » Fri Dec 23, 2016 8:35 pm

If you don't find her physically appealing and you don't really like similar things, then you don't sound that well matched. If there's no romance and you look at other women and desire them more, then to be honest I think you should probably end it. Late twenties is too young to settle for someone you don't really want to be with.

Something that did strike me about your post though, was that it read as though it was written by someone quite a bit younger, in terms of the level of relationship experience, and this fits with the fact that you didn't have a serious girlfriend until you were in your mid-twenties. For these reasons, it might be an idea to go into relationships with an open mind for a while and gain some experience rather than thinking about finding someone to spend the rest of your life with.
These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb.

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Re: Please help me put my relationship into perspective

Postby David020549 » Sun Dec 25, 2016 6:38 pm

The vast majority of women make an effort and take a pride in their appearance, dressing nicely and using make up. The few that don't can be a problem because socially they don't mix, there is an old saying " women dress to impress other women, they undress to impress men" so it is likely that she does not get on with other women .
All this is not a problem if you accept her as she is, the nearest comparison to the " natural " style would be a hippy but she sounds rather directionless and content to go with the flow. In this situation you are probably going to make all the running and drag her " kicking and screaming" with you, see it as a challenge, it will be hard work. A good test will be holiday plans, give her two modest choices, maybe, Camping or alternatively Centreparcs, if she flatly refuses both you are on a looser because however negatively she views life there are limits.
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Re: Please help me put my relationship into perspective

Postby Celebritydiscodave » Mon Dec 26, 2016 11:02 am

What relationship? - In the first place, love is n`t about you, so there is definitely none of that on your part, you do n`t find her attractive, and neither do you want her company. I consider that this so called relationship is self explanatory. From my experience it is girls rather than guys that experience failure of their first love as being the toughest. Trust me, in the grand scale of things you are definitely not going to find this one tough.

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