Am I the bad one?

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Am I the bad one?

Postby Giggles89 » Sat Dec 17, 2016 11:19 pm

So I've been with my hubby for 7 years,
Married for 2...

I'm beginning to think that I am such an awful partner but I'm sure I'm not!

Everything was amazing until just over a year in, when I found he had been messaging a girl half his age, he swears nothing happened and I forgave him then found he had still been speaking to her after I had found out! They worked together too so it obviously made me very paranoid,
And I got trust issues of course, and ended up I couldn't let him touch me when we went to bed I couldn't stand it...
Things have gotten better in that respect but his attitude is so different now.

He gets absolutely mad at me if I don't text him first thing everyday, or if I take to long to reply to him even if he knows I'm busy or at work.
There have been lots of little things that tip him over the edge and he is absolutely horrible to me he has a way of making me feel like the smallest thing in the world....

I recently left a very well paid job because it made me miserable, but this meant me having to work 2 part time jobs to keep the money coming in,and he couldn't understand that I need money to pay the bills. I've always been the breadwinner but it's because I try and have put effort into getting where I want to be, which he doesn't understand.

However when it comes to bills I pay much more than him and he shrugs the subject every time I suggest splitting the bills equally.

And tonight has topped it off, I have been at work all day, come home, changed bed sheets , done laundry and ironing, cleaned the house up, got a fire going, and by the time he comes home from work that's all done and I'm having a cuppa, then I get up to cook tea. (Which I get no thank you at all). I leave the washing up which is his only job in the household which he gets round to doing at 9pm, and I can hear him in the kitchen swearing about me that I am sat on my lazy bum, while he is washing up.
These are the kind of things I'm getting on a weekly basis and I know it's only small but when this happens every week for years it's starting to wear me down and I just don't know what to do or what to say.
I remind him that I do a lot of work around the house in comparison, on top of working 2 jobs, but it doesn't seem to get through to him what I actually do!

If I leave a few cups for him to wash up he goes mad that I have left them but doesn't complain when I do both of our laundry, ironing and put it all away in the cupboard.

Pleas any advice would be amazing!!!
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Re: Am I the bad one?

Postby Country Joe » Sun Dec 18, 2016 10:33 pm

Sounds like a selfish lazy bum to me! Level with him and tell him if things don't change it's time you separated and moved on! If he appreciated you it would be a pleasure for him to help around the home!
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Re: Am I the bad one?

Postby snail » Mon Dec 19, 2016 12:27 pm

He does sound rather selfish and shallow, or perhaps just immature. He isn't behaving towards you in a caring way.

He should be paying half the bills - is there a genuinely good reason why he can't? If not, then that needs to start happening. Don't let him shrug the discussion - it's not a discussion, get the computer out and set up the direct debits while he is there. Explain that this is about his fair share. There is no need for you to do his laundry or ironing - leave it for him to do. If you hear him exclaiming that you are lazy while he is working, challenge that by pointing out what you have done. Every time he says it.

It may well be that, when he stops getting an easy ride, he decides he doesn't want to be with you any more. But you won't know until you try, and if that is so, the sooner you find out the better.
These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb.

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Re: Am I the bad one?

Postby Celebritydiscodave » Sat Dec 24, 2016 7:45 pm

Sounds like a candidate for a possible sociopath. How many of these can you tick? - (1) Highly sexually motivated (Is it he that has made you think of yourself as insecure, and do you actually know beyond his word combinations that the relationship, if it were indeed a sexual relationship, ever actually ended?) (2) Master of seduction (3) Manipulative (4) Secretive (5) Controlling (6) Domineering (7) Extroverted (8) Want of genuine emotion (though they are masters of faking it) (9) Destructive (10) Must be obeyed (11) Master of deception (12) Highly sexed (13) Prone to rage and violence. If you can tick as many as half it`s possible that he may be on the journey to becoming a fully pledged sociopath. In which case seek professional advice, and if there`s a realistic likelihood my suggestion would be to seriously consider how it might be possible for you to simply disappear. I think you are questioning whether it is you that is to blame? Sociopaths will do this, and worse, they can completely take over and have one believing that they are definitely entirely to blame. By this time they are in total control, beating you up one day and giving you flowers the next. Many victims, and it may be most, never even formerly complain. Sociopaths, and psychopaths, enjoy by far the most romances, typically several at any one time. The girls, and they are usually girls, absolutely trust them, their parents very often as well. Do n`t knock him if he is prone to, or may suddenly become prone to, violence. It is far better to just disappear, to begin with anyway. Many men that have under age relationships are indeed psychopaths, the distinction being denoted by the actual sexual deed. For them only SELF ever exists. (14) Lots of friends at his local.
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