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help me lol
Posted: Tue Nov 22, 2016 10:23 am
So me and my gf have been going through a very rough patch over the past month. Split a few times but nothing permanant and we still co habit. We talked and said we'll try and make it work. We both love each other i tend to show my feelings a bit more though. During arguments I've said a few things i shouldn't. She knows I dont mean them and she's also argued with me. She isnt the typical pamper loving girl and she isn't massive on romance. What can i do to show her how much i want us to work? Im giving her space and not talkong while im at work because i dont want to do her head in. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks
Re: help me lol
Posted: Tue Nov 22, 2016 12:48 pm
You haven't really told us much about why you're arguing and going through a rough patch for us to comment too constructively. It would help to focus on the problems so we can advise more specifically. I'm guessing though you want it to work and I'd say you need to be steady and loyal especially with someone who doesn't show feelings as much. That sort of person often doesn't want to be showered with a lot of fuss. You say you aren't bothering her while you're at work.....maybe that's a problem and you should leave each other well alone while you're at work anyway so you have lots to talk about when you do see each other. It's really not professional either to be contacting your other half at work... If she's not the pampering type then I'd guess she wants to be just her in the day and have a break.. Most couples find it swamps them if they are always in each other's faces. Everyone needs space on their own or with friends too.
We all say things we don't mean in the heat of an argument but try to hold your tongue in the future until you can pick the words you want to say a lot more carefully. If you both want some sort of change in your behaviours then it has to be managed with careful aims and words and not arguments. Nasty words in the end can not be unsaid.
Making things work is being fair in a relationship and for neither of you to be selfish or needy. You both need to be respectful and to share chores equally without one having to manage the other. A good relationship is also one that has intimacy and respect for each other's likes and dislikes. The odd unexpected gift is good too and thoughtful. Not loads of flowers or chocolates that swamp and appear over the top. Try a small gift that you know your partner would think was thoughtful...getting something very specific that you know is appreciated. But I'm guessing you need to give her some space from what you've written. Maybe it's time to be just there without any arguing.. Learn to bite your tongue, be forgiving go with the flow..
Re: help me lol
Posted: Sun Nov 27, 2016 3:39 pm
Think friendship, that nature of love, not conventional and overly emotional love. Forget your ego and exist only to build her own. Think empathy, struggle with every last cell of your being to understand and be at peace with her emotional being, and only ever side with her, and on her terms. Compatibility seems to be the issue, so focus only on refashioning yourself. With luck she will follow half way, thus enabling you to fall back half way. Give it time, and do n`t measure the half way. Should this happen it will be a demonstration of her genuine love for you. So find out then, does she love you this much/will she love you this much? If so know this, you will both be in absolute and total love. True love thrives in the environment of controlled emotion, where one`s partner can become of greater significance than oneself. It may be the hardest discipline that you have ever put yourself through, but if you are up to the challenge, it`s a character builder, this approach stands a better than average chance of success. Counsellors will tell you that relationships cannot be fixed, I disagree. Do n`t leave her stranded when she`d normally expect to be hearing from you because she`ll probably take this the wrong way, would n`t you? If I can beat everybody in the world in my sixties getting new physical world records you can manage this.