She's with someone new, why do I feel this way?

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Just Landed
Just Landed
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Joined: Mon Nov 14, 2016 9:02 am
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She's with someone new, why do I feel this way?

Post by Mandora » Mon Nov 14, 2016 9:40 am

I was with my ex partner for 7 years, we had ups and downs like in any relationship but due to the unique connection neither of us had with anyone before, we considered each other Soulmates and simply assumed we'd either always be together or at least never be with anyone else. Although I'm late 30s I'm pretty certain she was my first proper and actual 'love' on a soulmate level.

We had a child together but we split up early in the pregnancy. We live 200 miles apart and I heard very little from her until after my son was born. Over the subsequent 2 years I'd get to see him at different every few months or so until I'd inadvertently anger/upset her.

Things became so hurtful between us that last year I finally realised I had to move on and several months later I met someone. To this day I'm still in that happy and loving relationship. I've seen her and my son a few time since but not mentioned it to her as I don't consider it her business. We never discussed anything regarding reconciling and didn't act like it either, we were just like slightly awkward mates, we still had that kind of connection.

Anyway it all blew up in the summer and we had a major argument like never before and although I couldn't see it at the time, it led to her completely rejecting me and from her life, something that had never happened before between us. From that day I have not heard anything from her, she reads my weekly whatsapp messages asking how the kids are but does not reply. Since the day we split not only had she not dated anyone, been with anyone etc she had not even considered it.

I've since found out she's now with someone new and by all accounts, very happy with him. In all likelihood he can provide her with much more than I could. Hell, despite the animosity between us I say she deserves happiness.

Anyway that's all context and background info and not really what I'm asking about.

Yes I'm very happy and contented with my OH. So why do I feel some kind of hurt/disappointment at her being with someone else? I'd never deny her that obviously and given the hurtful things done and said between us we could never reconcile.

Why do I feel this way? Is it normal?

One of the Crowd
One of the Crowd
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Re: She's with someone new, why do I feel this way?

Post by johnay » Mon Nov 14, 2016 8:51 pm

Quite simply I think that if you have been deeply in love with someone you will always love them even if it all doesn't end well. Added to that your ex partner was also your soulmate and the person you had children with which means there will always be a particular bond. The finality of your relationship has taken quite a while to achieve and I'm guessing it's taken until now for you to realise that finality... We'll all have regrets at a failed relationship that had such promise but let's face it, it's finished and you've both got new loves in your life. Love and loss are all part of lifes rich tapestry and we all learn from those intense emotions.. It's time to finally move on and enjoy what you have now.

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