Stuck in a rut

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Stuck in a rut

Postby Novane » Wed Jul 20, 2016 5:41 am

Hey there, I'm not really sure how to write this out, the whole situation is kinda confusing and this stuff only seems to happen to me lol.

Okay basically - I've been talking to this guy for just over a week now. I met him on a dating app (you're probably not going to believe me about this but I thought this app was for finding friends :oops: but hey, it was like 3am when I downloaded it and I love meeting international friends.)
He's a nice guy and everything, although I have no idea why I kept talking to him.
He was very clearly trying to work out a relationship between us, while I am rather the complete opposite, relationships make me very uncomfortable. He compliments me every ten minutes without fail (also unwanted, I just really feel uncomfortable in lovey situations) and he feels the persistent need to message me every day.
I don't like talking to people all the time, so the past 16ish hours I haven't spoken to him, or many other of my friends.
This led to him messaging my friend on Steam, telling her how worried he was about me because I hadn't replied to him in a day. I don't know why but this kinda annoyed me. He's just so freaking clingy and I hate it.
I've tried talking to him about how uncomfortable that stuff makes me feel but each time I did, he went into some sort of depressive state, telling me about how his past girlfriend was a shitty person and cheated on him multiple times and sent him vids to prove it, but im the reason he smiles in the morning and stops himself from injuring himself.
Me being the kindly person felt terrible and now we're back to the beginning. He keeps saying he'll buy me stuff when ((((IF)))) we eventually meet, and how much he loves me because we have very similar humour and taste in games (yes he's actually bought me some video games, this makes me feel bad), even though it's been less than 2 weeks.

I don't know if it's worth mentioning, but he is Lithuanian. I'm not sure if this kinda thing is normal there. He also said he's coming to England next month for uni, luckily 200 miles away from me.

I really want to stop talking to him, but I want to do it in a respectable way, as I am one one of "those" who feels bad kinda easy. Heck, he'd probably be a cool friend if he wasn't so grossly clingy and a 'hopeless romantic' as he put it.
And before anyone says, yes I know this was my own stupid fault.

Cheers in advance and apologies for the overwhelmingly long post, again I wasn't sure how to write it while including the important details.
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Re: Stuck in a rut

Postby snail » Wed Jul 20, 2016 8:12 am

The best way to stop talking to him is to just do it - no more contact from now on. For a person like this, with these sort of problems, any contact of any kind will be more material for him. If you tell him you can't speak to him any more, there will then be a load more stuff about how important you are to him or about why you should be in touch, or whatever. He's like a troll - you mustn't 'feed' him in any way. You don't owe him anything and are not responsible for him in any way.

Definitely don't meet up with him in person if he does come over here - he sounds very bad news and possibly even dangerous.
These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb.

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Re: Stuck in a rut

Postby Tarantula » Wed Jul 20, 2016 10:18 pm

Yes, I agree with Snail and want to highlight the security issue - you have not even met this guy and he is buying you things?? That sounds like grooming to me. How old is he? Hold old are you? Do you know that he is who he says he is?

Assuming he is just a desperate teenager, he still sounds like bad news. It is totally inappropriate to message your friends because you didn't reply for a day, and to not respect your boundaries when you say you don't need or want that much contact. He sounds controlling and potentially dangerous.

If you're someone who feels bad easily, then consider this: you are actually making it worse for him by continuing contact, because it will be even more of a disappointment to him when he eventually finds out the truth.

You are kind of leading him on here, and should not have accepted his gifts. You need to be firm here, for yourself but also for him too. It is kinder in the long run.

I am very concerned that he's said you're the reason he doesn't injure himself. That is manipulation. It is way way WAY overboard. It's tantamount to emotional blackmail.

Drop this guy, fast. Do not give him any more personal details about you. This is a bad situation waiting to happen. Get out while you can. Don't take the risk of continuing contact and I jolly well hope you haven't given him your address or anything!

*Although then how did he know where to send the video games to*

I am genuinely worried about this!
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Re: Stuck in a rut

Postby Trevaskiss » Thu Jul 21, 2016 8:33 am

That was exactly my thought - if he's sent you video games, you must have given him your address!

A bit worrying that!

I would agree with Snail and Tarantula though - break all contact off, this guy sounds dodgy as hell!
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Re: Stuck in a rut

Postby minigirl » Mon Aug 01, 2016 3:00 pm

I agree. Approach with extreme caution. I was talking to a guy for less than a couple of weeks when he started telling me how we were going to spend our future together.
A lot of his chat was actually poems copied from the internet.
He told me he was in the US military.
Luckily I am not as gullible as he thought. I actuallu copied part of the same poems and sent them to him.
Turns out it is a well known scam where they steal photos of servicemen often KIA.
I am not saying that your guy is the same but please be careful.
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