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If someome could shed some light please?

Posted: Sun Dec 27, 2015 2:31 pm
by simyboye
Hi there,
New to the forum so thanks in advance for any input and time spared.

I have been with my partner for 7 years, in that time have had a son that is my absolute world. He's 3 and daddy's boy.
My GF/ finance is quote from Shrek "a live wire". I'm quite laid back and chilled. The relationship is quite wearing at times and as the new year approaches want a better year.

I'm a serving Fire Fighter and although the job can be quite stressful, never bring my job home with me. I never know what it's going to be like when I get in.

In the past she's had me arrested for pushing her over after she tried punching me in the face seven times. This was after a huge argument fueled by alcohol with her twisted sister and family, I got caught in the cross hairs. She's a liar and twists things to her advantage and makes out she's the one suffering when she's loaded the bullets. She drinks quiet a bit and takes antidepressants. Although the AD don't seem to make much difference. She's put loads of weight on and doesn't look after herself.

My question is that a house that I own and just finished renovating is for sale now, and I'm not sure what to do, do I move out for a while? I cannot live like this being subjected to almost constant sarcasm, twisted stories, the commonness and relationship much longer, but more worried about my son. I don't/ will not have him suffer.

We are engaged but I won't ever marry her because of what's happened. So I guess I'm lying to us all. But if I say anything will be turned back at me. I sound weak don't I? I don't want to be on my own but don't want my son and myself to suffer.

Many thanks

Re: If someome could shed some light please?

Posted: Mon Dec 28, 2015 7:50 am
by David020549
From what you say you are a decent guy who has picked the wrong girl to live with, if she twists everything so that you are to blame and her family behave in the same way there is nothing you can do to change her. She will of course accuse you of neglecting her or emotional abuse or chasing other women or all three, now, assuming you are trying to treat her reasonably and fairly, it sounds like a split is imminent.
As your house is for sale a wife sitting tight is going to be difficult, you need to sort any personal problems first, don't move out yourself. If the house is yours and you have no civil partnership or marriage and has not contributed directly then she has no property rights. If you split she will probably get custody of your young son and you will pay maintenence for him, you will normally get access rights and alternate weekends is a common right.
Unless she is neglecting your son don't fight for custody because future access depends on her cooperation, so despite the past be as reasonable as you can. Now is the time to be laid back and calm you dont want to make a bad situation worse, be positive there is a future for you both.

Re: If someome could shed some light please?

Posted: Mon Dec 28, 2015 6:45 pm
by simyboye
Many thanks. I appreciate your help.

Re: If someome could shed some light please?

Posted: Tue Dec 29, 2015 9:08 pm
by Leigh72
I would echo David's words with a caveat. If you think that your partner's behaviour, with particular reference to the drinking whilst on medication, is grounds for concern, then I would consider applying for an occupancy order for the house and a residency order for your son. This isn't a given and if you have no proof of her behaviour, then it may be a non-starter. As a father, you will be responsible for keeping a roof over your son's head, whether that be bricks and mortar or just maintenance payments. Hence, if you can prove that she is an unfit mother (not suggesting that she is), then it would be cheaper and easier for you to get her to move out. Sounds as though she will have her family on her side, so that might be a battle not worth fighting. Only you can decide that. The fact that she's had you arrested may count against you, did the police record it as 'No Further Action'?

Re: If someome could shed some light please?

Posted: Fri Apr 01, 2016 4:31 pm
by simyboye
Hi guys. Thanks for the reply and efforts.
Well she's done it again.
Went out drinking without eating and two bottles later and vodka wakes me up at about 0300 accusing me of having an affair.
I appreciate you don't know me but I haven't.
She told me she had texts from a friend with evidence.
Told to pack my stuff and go.
Next morning I did...
Predictable as she is begs me to go back. Fast forward a few weeks and she's agreed to handing over full custody of my son.

My concern is that he's comfortable and happy there with his sister etc. What do I do? I work in the fire service so do shift work. I have family support but can't rely on them all the time.

Any thoughts greatly appreciated.