Is it normal to mention the past so often? Should I be hurt?

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Is it normal to mention the past so often? Should I be hurt?

Postby BlueRock » Thu Nov 19, 2015 5:50 pm

Ok to sum up a long story. Been together for over 10 years. I was made aware she had a long term relationship with a large white man (BTW i am not racist you will see my reason for mTntioning skin colour). After splitting up she seems to of dated several blackmen who from what i gather were doormen. They all seems to of been 'alpha male ladies men' Myself I am an average white bloke and far from being a ladies man.

Throughout our relationship she has continually mentioned ex's. Including the long term one having a massive penis, sexy lingerie that she was bought and wore for them. Positions and things they liked in bed, that the blackmen were best in bed. Once said after sex was I not intimidated by the fact she had slept with several blackmen who as mentioned are good in bed (this to be honest strikes me as a racist stereotype even if it seems positive at face value).

Anyway I sort of turned a blind eye to it as we were having a lot of sex (something i was not used to!). As time went on certain ex's have been used to punish me in arguments particularly one who was everything i am not. Big, Black, talented in bed and a lovely man, although she explained she portrays his so well so he can be used to hurt me (that doesn't make it hurt less)
In recent years we have a lot less sex and when we do its vanilla and no extras, she has never done anything sexy for me as she has mentioned doing for others.
She may love me but I feel I am not the sort of man she finds desirable but I am more steady, dependable and easy to live with.

All i can think about is everything she has ever told me and continues to mention them e.g 'oh I've been in that pub with ****' (erm you never want to go anywhere with me) or 'me and **** used to have big fights like that' (erm maybe but he still had more sex with you than me).
It has got to the point where I feel sick if i think about them and the things she has told me they did and said regarding sex. This thought crosses my mind everyday. I feel like I'm a pathetic individual when I'm offered sex and that she is probably laughing inside and apparently I am at fault for not allowing her to mention the past.
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Re: Is it normal to mention the past so often? Should I be h

Postby David020549 » Thu Nov 19, 2015 11:12 pm

NO, it is not a normal relationship, it takes all kinds to make a world, some people are incredible disloyal and cruel, others are a doormat for years. More often it is the woman who is being treated badly, either way you love her but she only sees you as a safe harbour when it suits her.
It's up to you if you continue to tolerate her outrageous behavior but she is not likely to change
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Re: Is it normal to mention the past so often? Should I be h

Postby johnay » Fri Nov 20, 2015 7:41 pm

It's fine to know about a partners past and you obviously do match up to these other guys whether they are black or white. She wouldn't have had loads OS sex with you at the beginning or stay with you as long if you weren't a good catch. She must also know that you are stable and good influence on her life as well so don't put yourself down. It's very easy for a partner to put the other down without trying very hard and it seems like she may like to push boundaries to get a reaction from you..if that's not what you like then you have to explain to her that she is being hurtful and that it needs to stop.. I quiet frank talk needs to be had I think. You obviously have every right to ask her why she thinks its okay to treat you like this. She may have a reason that needs airing so that you can work on any problem that you aren't aware of.It may also be that she is having a problem too and it would be fine for you to try and help things to improve if that is the case. It may also be that you both need a bit more excitement in your relationship. It's easy to get complacent and for sex to lessen and to not go out . so maybe suggest something for you both to do together where you both get out of your comfort zone and live a bit..
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