Hi all,
This is my first post on here and im really hoping for some advise or help. I have been with my husband for 7 years and married for 2 and a half. We have never had a super frequent sex life, around once a week, but this has dramatically changed for the worse. Apologies for the essay but so you have all the information and can hopefully help me please do read all.
I met my husband when i was 9 years old (now 28), he was my brothers friend. We didnt see eachother for years and then when i was 21 we met again and both were attracted to eachother. After checking my brother was OK with his friend dating his sister (!) we started dating. When we first started dating, we both lived with our parents and therefore having sex was limited to when we had the house to ourselves, we still managed at least once a week, usually more. After we moved in together we both agreed that the sex would get more frequent which is what we said we both wanted. However somehow even having all the time/space in the world our sex life has massively reduced. My husband doesnt have a super stressful job, he is happy to just sit and watch tv at night and is relaxed by the time we go to bed, but he just never is in the mood for sex. It has even gotten to the point now that we barely even touch. I get a peck on the lips in the morning before he leaves for work, and one again when he gets home. Lastly i will get a peck on the lips when we go to sleep. Apart from these 3 kisses i get no cuddles, no handholding, and certainly nothing more leading to sex. We roughly have sex once every 4/5 months and this is always after i bring it up, never him. I also usually need to wear sexy underwear etc in order to not get yet another rejection, and as this is a necessity to get a yes from him it makes me feel like me alone isnt enough for him.
He says he still fancies me, i still make an effort and believe i still look nice as i have received attention from other men, but he never tries to touch me and therefore its just words from him. I feel unloved, lonely, rejected and very unhappy in my marriage. He is very aware of my feelings as i always try to keep communication lines open (cant fix what he doesnt know), and he always says he loves me etc and has been promising things will change for years, but nothing ever changes. We even went on a 2 week beach vacation to help us relax and have a kind of 2nd honeymoon (first honeymoon wasnt very romantic and we didnt have sex when we got married for over a week), but in that 2 weeks we didnt have any more intimacy than we do any other time. No more kissing/touching and zero sex.
I told him on that 2nd honeymoon that i was getting very unhappy with our marriage and so when we got back he agreed to try sex therapy, we went for a few sessions but the tasks we were given to try at home he was very half hearted with and clearly didnt want to try so we stopped going as it was very expensive for something not helping us.
I am at the end of my tether, sex isnt the only thing in a marriage but i feel like i have a housemate not a husband, i feel unwanted and have had enough of being unhappy. I have had some seriously unhappy times previously in my life and therefore dont want to go back down that route so things have to change.
Outside of our sex life my husband is a great guy, we get on very well and he is my best friend. All the effect from our sex life though has erroded away at how i feel and i no longer am 'in love' with him, i love him now as a friend which isnt what i want from a marriage. I am seriously considering divorce but wanted to see what outsiders might think or suggest before i go down that route.
Please help, i am willing to try anything to get back my sex life and my marriage.
Thank you.