Ex Boyfriend Troubles

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Caramia
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Ex Boyfriend Troubles

Post by Caramia » Tue Sep 25, 2012 9:46 pm

So I've been split up from my ex for almost 2 years. We were engaged to be married, but I realised that he wasn't right. He wasn't treating me right and I really wasn't happy. Shortly after splitting up with him, I started seeing my current partner. I didn't mean for it to turn into something serious, but it did and I am so happy.

The break up with my ex was quite messy. He refused to pay back a loan from my dad of £1000 so I ended up paying it, I left him the car as I don't drive and he kept the cat we got together. A few months later and he's moved in with his new girlfriend in my hometown (we had been living in my hometown together despite his initial hatred towards it). He still drank at the pub I used to work in and hung out (and still hangs out) with a few of my friends. I was a bit frustrated to find out that he was still there and hanging out with my friends, but got over it. My ex has flatly refused to speak to me since.

Now a year later and a week before my wedding, he has popped up again. My current fiance and him have to work in the same room for a few days which is obviously awkward but they are just working in civilised, awkward silence. A few weeks ago there was my hen do and a friend of mine who used to be my ex's friend came along. She hadn't spoken to him in a year as he was incredibly rude to her during the break up. She and I stayed firm friends. He has called her and "told her off" for going to my hen do. He has also been quite nasty to other mutual friends who have decided to come to my wedding. He has said that if he saw me in the street, he would turn around a walk the other way!

Recently, the cat that he took on when we broke up, died. I found out through my best mate who he called to tell her. We assumed that this was his way of telling me. Oh no! When he found out that I knew, he became incredibly angry - and in front of his current girlfriend!

I'm frustrated and I would love to email him and tell him what an immature idiot he is being, but I know I need to be the bigger person. Just like I was when it came to the break up. But now he is getting nasty towards my friends and I think that's too much. He is good mates with my good mates - you don't see me telling them to choose!

What should I do?!

C x

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Skarlet
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Re: Ex Boyfriend Troubles

Post by Skarlet » Tue Sep 25, 2012 9:55 pm

Do nothing.

It is up to your friends to set their boundaries with him and tell him to back off and stop being an eejit. If you get in touch it has the risk of bringing the drama all back on you and your husband to be and it just isn't worth it.

Congrats on the wedding.

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Re: Ex Boyfriend Troubles

Post by snail » Tue Sep 25, 2012 10:22 pm

I completely agree. This situation and his behaviour is not your responsibility any more, and you should get involved as little as possible.
These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb.

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Re: Ex Boyfriend Troubles

Post by Nonsuch » Tue Sep 25, 2012 10:51 pm

Best response? No response. :D

Caramia
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Re: Ex Boyfriend Troubles

Post by Caramia » Tue Sep 25, 2012 10:57 pm

Yeh, I agree... No responding. Damn! I need to invest in a punch bag to let my frustrations out on. And with a week before the wedding! I really don't want to labor my partner with this either ](*,)

Thanks all. Very excited about the wedding though... 8 days to go now! Feels like I've been counting down forever!

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Re: Ex Boyfriend Troubles

Post by Skarlet » Tue Sep 25, 2012 11:08 pm

Write it down, everything that you want to say and then burn it/destroy it and stop thinking about it.

Enjoy the excitement and joy of your wedding without this tainting it. :D

Caramia
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Re: Ex Boyfriend Troubles

Post by Caramia » Tue Sep 25, 2012 11:26 pm

Oh, I forgot one other detail...

two days after my wedding, it's my friends wedding... she has invited my ex and his girlfriend and she has obviously invited me and my (hehe) husband. Do I go? Or do I apologise and not go? I'd like to go as she's my mate and I'd love to celebrate her wedding with her. Equally, I feel a bit stuck because she invited him knowing that things weren't civil between us... And who wants an atmosphere at their wedding?!

What do I do??!

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snail
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Re: Ex Boyfriend Troubles

Post by snail » Wed Sep 26, 2012 12:01 am

Can you explain that you think he might misbehave (if that is what you think) and ask her what she would prefer you to do?
These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb.

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Re: Ex Boyfriend Troubles

Post by Nonsuch » Wed Sep 26, 2012 2:17 pm

Well, you go to your friend's wedding. Obviously. You just avoid your ex while you're there. If you do accidentally bump into him at the Vol-au-vents, just smile and say something like, "lovely wedding, isn't it?" and then move on. =D>

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Re: Ex Boyfriend Troubles

Post by RagDoll » Wed Sep 26, 2012 2:29 pm

I agree you should go to your friends wedding. She's the one whose decided to take the 'risk' of inviting you both. If your ex chooses to act like an idiot, well, that's his problem. As long as you go and act like an adult and don't be rude to him... well, what more could you do. Just stay out of his way as much as possible.
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Re: Ex Boyfriend Troubles

Post by highlandcow » Wed Sep 26, 2012 6:33 pm

I agree with the others. Of course, go to the wedding. If you don't he'll think he's won and got to you.
Hopefully it'll be a big enough event that you can slip into the crowd and avoid him.

If he does act up, walk away without a word with as few words as possible.
He'll soon show himself up.
Go to Glasgow at least once in your life and have a roll and square sliced sausage and a cup of tea. When you feel the tea coursing over your spice-singed tongue, you'll know what I mean when I say:
'It's good to be alive!'"

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Caramia
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Re: Ex Boyfriend Troubles

Post by Caramia » Thu Sep 27, 2012 4:47 pm

He's now unfriended people on facebook over them coming to my wedding... It's very childish and I'm just glad I left when I did!!

Anyway, re friend's wedding, I will go... I don't think he'll play up in front of people because he hasn't got the balls to face up to the fact he clearly isn't over me. He'll just do it the only way he knows how, behind my back on facebook haha.

Thank you everyone. I just wish I could bash him in the head and make him realise what he's doing. But I can't. Grr.

C x

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Re: Ex Boyfriend Troubles

Post by highlandcow » Thu Sep 27, 2012 5:47 pm

Caramia wrote:He's now unfriended people on facebook over them coming to my wedding... It's very childish and I'm just glad I left when I did!!
How pathetic. I've just found out my ex has done the same thing! He's unfriended me on FB because I've got a new boyfriend....despite the fact that it was him who ended it. Really, very sad. Facebook makes fools of us all...

I'm glad you're going to the wedding though. Have a good time, enjoy yourself! :)
Go to Glasgow at least once in your life and have a roll and square sliced sausage and a cup of tea. When you feel the tea coursing over your spice-singed tongue, you'll know what I mean when I say:
'It's good to be alive!'"

- Billy Connolly

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