Feeling distant from husband

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JW1982
Just Landed
Just Landed
Posts: 1
Joined: Sat Mar 09, 2019 12:22 pm
Gender: Female

Feeling distant from husband

Post by JW1982 » Sat Mar 09, 2019 12:24 pm

Morning all.

I need some advice about how I’m feeling in my marriage.

A bit of background. My husband and I have been married for 10 years. We have 2 children who are 10 and 5. I love him and he’s a good Dad but as the years have gone on, I am less and less interested in sex. Most of the time I can’t be bothered to be totally honest. He works all week, I work part time Monday to Friday and also have my own business which I run from home. I am also in charge of household chores, cooking, taking care of the kiddies.

For the last couple of years he has been working every weekend mostly both days, sometimes just one of the days (as well as Monday to Friday too). I feel like he is hardly here, especially at weekends as that’s when we used to spend time as a family but also in the mornings, I just wake up on my own every day pretty much. I miss that time we used to have in the mornings at the weekend when no one had to get up to go to work and we’d snuggle in bed, sometimes the kids would jump in and we’d put the tv on and would just be a lovely feeling.

I’m feeling his lack of presence is causing me to feel distant? Is that possible? I was thinking that because he isn’t here much, when I do see him, I should want to jump all over him, but I don’t. I feel the opposite, almost like a resentment, and come the evening after sitting down and having dinner about 8pm and then watching a bit of TV, I’m ready for bed (not for sex, but sleep lol). Please tell me if I’m being completely selfish and unreasonable here? He complains that I’m not affectionate much anymore etc, and we’ve had various arguments around this subject and just end up going in circles.

Any advice or comments are welcomed gratefully.

Xx

boulding
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Posts: 48
Joined: Thu May 29, 2014 10:50 pm
Gender: Female

Re: Feeling distant from husband

Post by boulding » Sun Mar 17, 2019 1:55 pm

Hi JW

No I don't think you are being the slightest bit selfish or unreasonable. Most wives would feel a little bit resentful that they and the children are getting so little attention. After all this wasn't what you signed up for when you got married. You need to take steps immediately to stop this rift getting worse.
There's no point talking to him if it leads to arguments so just say you feel a bit sad as you spend so little quality time together and you would like to have a Date Night one a month. Talk a friend or family member into babysitting (it doesn't have to be a late night) and go out a have a nice time doing something you both enjoy. There should be at least some spare money with all that work so make an occasion of it. Buy yourself something new, have your hair professionally blow dried and kickstart your relationship.

Then tell him you want to ringfence one saturday a month as Family Day when you all go out and enjoy yourselves as a family. If you can get it through his head that there's no point doing all this work unless you spend the money on a happy life things will improve and your feelings will hopefully change.
Start making plans right now. Good Luck and please let us know how it goes.

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