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Postby Diana5 » Tue Nov 06, 2018 9:09 pm

I have a tricky problem I'm not sure how to handle, any insight welcome.

I'm a 65 yr old widow and for the last 2 years I have had a very close gentleman friend with whom I have had many good times, days out and holidays, ( we do share ) he is everything I want in a man, the problem is that he has now asked me to marry him.
I'm not at all sure that is a good idea, we both have families and grandchildren, our own houses and other property, so we're both financially independant, marriage drags up a whole load of uncertainties for the family, which is sure to cause trouble, he is the romantic but I am entirely happy with the uncomplicated relationship we have now.

How do I explain that I would rather continue as we are without hurting his feelings?.
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Re: Marriage?.

Postby Tarantula » Wed Nov 07, 2018 8:05 pm

Are there ways to avoid asset upheaval in the event of a divorce? Are your reservations completely about that or is there something else?

If he's everything you want in a man and you're happy together, then I, too, take a romantic view. :p

But, if you're fully decided, then just explain to him as clearly as you've explained to us.
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Re: Marriage?.

Postby boulding » Thu Nov 08, 2018 7:22 pm

Hi Diana

I'm not sure if you are asking for advice on how to turn him down or advice on whether you should get married. If you don't want to get married then tell him fairly and squarely but bear in mind he might take this as a rejection and decide not to continue in a half hearted relationship. Don't risk throwing away a second chance of happiness without thinking it through.

Marriage is a big commitment and you are absolutely right to be cautious but your reasons might not be valid. If he's as nice as you say he is why wouldn't your family be absolutely delighted for you. Also why would you assume you have to co mingle your funds. Surely you could both pay into a joint household account to cover bills and food. You don't say whether it's about him moving in with you or vice versa but why not take legal advice about safeguarding your financial situation. A change of routine or a house move could be disruptive in the short term and it would be best to talk through the practicalities of everything before you make a decision.

At the end of the day it's your happiness that matters. Perhaps you could post again with more details.
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