should i believe him

[kelly rose]

My husband of 14 years went abroad with his work colleagues for work and pleasure for five days. there was about 6 of them. while they were there they went to a club where girls are supposed to dance with you so my husband said if you pay them. my husband said he didnt go in and another man didn't because he was tired and went back to the hotel. i emailed his mate who went abroad with him and asked him if my husband went to the club and he said he cant recall him going and gave the names of the men who did go. he gave the name of the man who was supposed of gone back to the hotel with my husband. so now im wondering who to believe. my husband said his mate as forgot that this other man didnt go the club and to email him and asked if he did. it seems funny that if this other fella did go to the club then my husband would of been the only one who didnt go and i dont believe him. his mate said the club was called the pink panther or something like that but they all called it the pink pussycat club. he said girls came over and chatted with them and if they wanted more they could of had it. he said it wasnt a lap dancing club. i only found out about the club because i asked my husband if anything funny had happened while they were there and he had a smile on his face and thats when he told me about the club. he said he was smiling because his work colleagues had spent alot of money at the club for drinks and you had to pay to dance with the women. he said he wouldnt go to them sort of places because he went to a strippers club years ago because he was young but now he is married wouldnt see the point and doesnt see why married men would want to go to them places. i want to believe him but part of me thinks he is lying and i dont know if i can trust him now. i was looking after our children while he was away and the thought of him going to this club looking at other women or even more makes me mad and terrified. is there clubs like this where you pay to dance with a girl like he said? they went to Italy. do you think its right if he went to the club with him being married.

[everloney]

I think you maybe over-reacting. He told you about it, he didn't hide it from you. Therefore, i do not think he did anything. if he did anything to feel guilty for he would hide it. Has he done anything in the past? you seem to have trust issues and you've been married to this guy for 14 years. Has he ever gave you reason to doubt before? I'm surprised you emailed his friend, if i was him i would be so upset by that. It just seems like you really don't trust him. I also don't think its terrible if a married man does to a strip club with his mates, on a one off (not every week ofcourse!!) as long as there is nothing more than alittle lap dance. Most of these types of places have a strict no touch rule. I can't speak for italy though. I think if hes done nothing to make you distrust him in the past, then trust him on this too.

[cottagegirl]

Don't worry about it, it might have gone in, he might not have done. A lot of blokes on business trips go to these places, it's a sort of macho/male bonding thing. The number of trips my OH makes to Amsterdam I wouldn't be suprsed if he and his colleagues don't have shares in some of these places lol.

I know it's hard but it's probably best to tell him that you don't like the idea of him visiting these places and ask him not to go to one again and then just leave it - it's really not worth getting yourself worked up over and if he did lie it's probably best just left (this once!)

[sarahloub84]

If the story you have told is basically everything that you are worried about I would say you are way over reacting. I'll be honest with you, if all his friends went to that club I would safely assume that he went too. He'd have got so much stick if he gave them the 'but I'm a married man' line, it was probably worth him going to just avoid that. It's such a man thing! Personally, I have no issue with these places. As mentioned above, it's a bonding thing. The men pay, the girls give them a dance and they all go their seperate ways home. For these girls it's just a means to an end. I actually took my ex partner to a club for his birthday a few years back (we were with friends too) and I had a right laugh that night. I've seen it with my own eyes, the girls have no interest in the men whatsoever, their eye is on the cash and the men are dumb enough to give it them in the bucket full.

However, if you have past trust issues with your husband then that could make this a whole new ball game. It does sound like he is dodging the whole truth, but to be fair he's probably trying to give himself an easier life by saying he didn't go. If there are pervious trust issues you need to have a chat with him and tell him that your would prefere his honesty so at least you can make informed opinions and decisions. If there aren't any past trust issues then I would personally let it go. Just because he possibly got a dance from another lady doesn't necessarily reflect on his feelings towards you and your marriage.

Good Luck

Sarah x

[kelly rose]

I do believe he did go to the club but i wonder why he ever told me. he could of just said the men went to a club where they spent alot of money, he didnt have to tell me about the women being there. i do have trust issues as in the past he as put his details on a dating site, and received a text from a women, also texting other women from a magazine. his mate sent him a email but he sent it to the works email and said he was trying to get intouch with my husband and he was a best friend of is. he didnt send it to my husbands personal email. now im thinking why is he getting intouch with my husband this way. i know its probably because i emailed him and was asking about my husband going to the club but maybe he wants to tell my husband that he told me lies and he as covered for him. i wish my husband had never told me about the stupid club now. maybe he was rubbing my face in it by saying he didnt go when really he did and knew i would never know the truth.

[everloney]

Umm, my paranoia sense was tingling abit. I was thinking he either smiled because his mates did something dodgy or because he was there and witnessed something funny... I think you should tell him straight to be honest, he owes you that much. If hes going to have a slip up and talk about this club and then deny his participation AND inlist his work buddies to lie too, he needs to fess up. Its not fair on you. I feel like although internet dating have opened the doors of love for so many people, its also opened a new "cheat/flirt/fantasy" door for many people already in relationships. So many people post about there man/women putting up a internet dating page, flirting online etc etc..

Your DH must have some good parts to him, you married him and have stuck it out for 14 years. Try appealing to his good side for him to be honest. I'm sorry this is making you suffer.

[kelly rose]

[quote][/quote] i wanted to say that his mate who i emailed seems to go to these lap dancing clubs with other men afew times a year even thou he is married with kids. i dont know if his wife knows but i feel sorry for her that he is doing that behind her back. im scared that if my husband meets up with his mate they will go to one of these clubs and he won't tell me. my husband said, he doesn't know why men go to them sort of places especially when they are married but why say that if he himself went to the one in italy? is it so it looks like he wouldn't to convince me. he does like looking at other women in front of me and admitted he does look but wants only me which i suppose i should be happy about but it still leaves me insecure.

[Bel Bel]

I think he is just too scared to be honest with you and that is the issue here
If he expects you to react badly he would rather have a peaceful life as someone has said
You have embarrased him by emailing his mates. Of course the guys will stick together their his mates not yours. I am not sure why you thought his mate would tell you the turth, I am surprised he even responded. Sorry if you think that's harsh
I think it's likely he went to the club although it's unlikely anything sinster happened there
I agree the problem here is trust and that's what needs to be sorted and I don't think you guys can do it on your own, I think you need some couples conselling