cheated on my bf and feel awful

For any problems related to sexuality, coming out & gay relationships.
Forum rules

cheated on my bf and feel awful

Postby heartfullalove » Sat Dec 17, 2011 5:50 pm

I feel like the worst person in the world right now. I had my staff party during the week and did something I really shouldn't. My boyfriend (together 4 months) is the nicest guy ever, treats me like a princess, has brought me on weekends away and has always made me feel really special. I love him to bits and if he ever fooled around with anyone else I know I just couldn't stand it.
But the other night, I got a little tipsy at the party - there's a guy who works behind the bar at work (I do the tables) and I've had the hots for him for ages, but wasn't sure if he was gay. Anyway, we were flirting like mad, I had a few glasses of red wine and I was dressed as Miss Santa and felt really naughty and one thing led to another, he took me home and the rest is history. It was dynamite and really exciting at the time but now I feel so guilty I haven't been able to eat properly for days and I've such a hard time looking my bf in the eye, he keeps asking me what's wrong.
What's even worse is when he hugs me or says 'I love you' it feels even worse, it's just eating away at me inside and I feel so terrible. If it had just been a snog that might be different, but I was really really slutty. I'm wondering if I should come clean and tell him what I did. I'm terrified of losing him though, especially at Christmas. I believe in total honesty and when I'm in love I give my heart, soul, everything and don't believe in keeping secrets and am finding the guilt absolutely horrible to live with. (also I have to work with muscle hottie again and keep control, but I'll just tell him it was a once-off and can't happen again) Should I just bottle it up and say nothing to my gorgeous bf, or be honest with him?
Regular Visitor
Regular Visitor
Posts: 16
Joined: Fri May 08, 2009 11:08 pm
Gender: Male

Re: cheated on my bf and feel awful

Postby Ticktock » Sun Dec 18, 2011 1:30 am

Since you are already wearing your guilt like a ten foot high glowing banner I think your only option is to confess and blame it on the drink. Yours is a relatively young relationship and it may well survive.

A bigger concern is that aside from being a bit drunk you threw yourself at this guy. So however gorgeous your boyfriend, are you blinded by how nice and generous he is to you and it is obscuring the fact he doesn't connect to you on a more physical level?
User avatar
Familiar Face
Familiar Face
Posts: 352
Joined: Tue Apr 12, 2011 8:01 am
Gender: Male

Re: cheated on my bf and feel awful

Postby daffyluck » Sun Dec 25, 2011 1:02 am

if you admit just to ease your guilt things will never be the same,everytime you go out he will think your going to cheat.Sex is just sex if you had great sex with someone who isn't your bf and you still want him just put it down to making sure he is the one and keep your mouth shut
Regular Visitor
Regular Visitor
Posts: 14
Joined: Wed Aug 18, 2010 11:23 pm
Gender: Male

Re: cheated on my bf and feel awful

Postby retrochav » Tue Dec 27, 2011 10:59 pm

What a dilema.

Honesty is best in a relationship, but sometimes the truth is a slap in the face when no one needs it.

If you can be sure no-one will grass you up then treat this as a lesson learnt about a momments weakness. I would write a letter to your guy saying how bad you feel and how it feels inside. Post it to a trusted friend so that if your guy ever finds out then you have a post marked letter to show that you felt lousy at the time and didnt think it exciting and fun.

If there is a chance of someone telling on you, then act quickly. Its better to tell your guy than have him think everyone knew about it but him. Tell him that you got drunk and felt vulnerable about getting home safely. Tell him that it is still your fault and that you arent excusing your behaviour. Make it clear that you regret every moment of it but cant turn back the clock.

There is no guarentee that will work. You may get your fingers badly burnt from this and loose your man. You can only hope that his love isnt so conditional that he cant forgive one error.

Personally, I think that silence is best unless forced to speak out. Why cause hurt for a moments stupidity. However if you find yourself feeling drawn into the arms of someone else again, then you must face the fact that your fairytale romance isnt working its magic for you any longer and be prepared to make changes rather than take a diversion for a few hours.
whatever your problem someone else has been there and bears the scars.
Permanent Fixture
Permanent Fixture
Posts: 1217
Joined: Mon Jul 10, 2006 8:48 am
Location: London

Return to Sexuality

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest