Help'x

[DanielleBabyxx]

Hey,Well I'm a lesbian. I Have knew for a few months. I Have found keeping it in really hard,and to make it worse my family are Religious . I Know they wont be fine with it. I'm not sure what will happen if i should just keep it in for even longer but it's getting to the point where i cant even stop thinking about it. I Think it will be hard to know they know i mean like i cant imagine my mum knowing or what about my brother my dad. I Just can't See them being fine with it. My Friends Wont Be As Bad Well Some Of Them,Would be better to tell than others. As for myself I'm fine with it at first i thought of trying to stop my feelings i was getting for girls,but they just get stronger. Then i thought of putting it out my mind it came back i'd love to come out soon it's hard for me even to tell people on this website to see what you'll say... I Just wanted to be normal i guess like have childern a husband everything all my friends talk about. I Feel Happy that im writing it all out though it feels good to know i can write about it. I'm 14 and i will be 15 soon I'd like to tell at this time even though im not wanting a relationship with anyone it's just i'd like to get it out.


Danielle`x

[ObiWan]

Firstly well done for being able to express how you feel. It is not a choice that you can make about your sexuality, although I realise not everyone holds this view. I think its important to realise that this is only one part of you as a person. I recognise some of the hiding away feelings, and then the feeling that you would like to be more open. Because of your age I would advice caution with your parents, mostly because of your age and the fact you're are very much still dependant on them, and think they would react badly.
Parents are often way down the list of people to tell, especially if you feel they wouldnt take it too well. It can be better to wait until you are living independantly before saying anything, if you feel its important to actually say anything. Sometimes parents will take it better than you think, as in a perfect world the unconditional love bit should be the most important thing, but as I said I wouldnt rely on that I would advise normally to tell a friend / sympathetic relative / school councellor or indeed one of the various young peoples helplines first, and to only tell one person at a time, and definately to be as sure as you can about getting a reasonable reaction from the person you tell, and someone that will not blab it to everyone hopefully. Once you can manage to get more people who accept you for who you are, I think you while find you will feel stronger generally. While you cant always gauge exactly the reaction you will get, I think bringing up subjects like gay celebrities, or even fibbinh a little and say you have someone who came out to you ... its a way of getting a reaction.
I know some people will probably say at your age it can be a phase, though I think often you are at the age when you really start coming to terms with how you feel, and often looking back there where signs that you had these feelings for quite some time. I think also its important to not be pushed into relationships until you personally feel ready. I know sometimes another view from people will be you cant be sure until you have had a relaionship. I dont believe that to be so either, who you are attracted does not start after a relaionship starts, it starts before. I think the issue of children can be a confusing one, and one ive felt myself. Its important to remember that not all hetersexual couples have (or want) children. Some want them and are unable too, sometimes one person would want them and the other not (that one can lead to the breakdown of relationships sometimes if both people feel strongly about this). In the future if you feel strongly about this subject you could always look at adopting or fostering, as sexuality is not seen as a bar as it used to be. Anyway, I hope this has helped a little, and good luck.

[Bel Bel]

I am not trying to make you doubt yourself but we go through all sorts of feelings at 14 and they can turn out very differently at 20. Don't be too quick to label yourself one way or the other.
I don't think you should tell your parents yet as you may find in a few years you feel different or after having experiences with other girls realise you like boys too.
I agree it may be better to tell your parents once you have left home so it doesn't have to be more difficult than you think it will already be.