Fear boyfriend may be bi/gay

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Fear boyfriend may be bi/gay

Postby jenny39579 » Wed Jul 18, 2007 10:20 pm

Hi, I fear my boyfriend is gay/bi as I've found out he's been on a gay/bi chatting website. Previously I also found out that he'd been on a straight chatting website too, which upset me but not half as much as the gay/bi website. He doesn't want sex with me anymore but he's still very loving and I'm very confused right now. Please can you help?

Thanks x
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Re: Fear borfriend may be bi/gay

Postby retrochav » Thu Jul 19, 2007 2:01 pm

Theres no easy answer to this. Only he knows where his sexuality lies, and only you know what you are prepared to tolerate to be in this relationship.

He could just be curious, he could be purposely leaving evidence to open discussion because he wants out of the relationship, or he might just not care for your feelings at all.

I would suggest planning a time to confront the issues head on. It could mean waiting a while to gather your strength, but dont try to hide it. This wont go away, he is snooping around for a reason, and if you try to ignore it you will become an insecure and bitter person in the end.

Personally i would leave as soon as i could. I put up with a cheating boyfriend who was constantly eyeing up women in an attempt to be straight, then going with "straight acting" guys to make it seem his sexuality was nothing more than being one of the lads. He always knocked me for being too effeminate, too fat, too hard. Infact i always think i was too stupid - to tolerate him for a year and a half!

I am still deeply shaken by the whole thing, and cant gel with a guy sexually. Dont make my mistake by trying to make it work unless he is prepared to work at it too.
whatever your problem someone else has been there and bears the scars.
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Postby jenny39579 » Thu Jul 19, 2007 5:53 pm

Thankyou for your advice. Its genuinely appreciated. I don't see my bf that often as he lives away but I definitely want to question him about it. I want it to be face to face and i guess i do need to gather my strength. It's going to be hard but it's something that I need to address. I'm already insecure about it all. Right now i'm just scared of losing him. I just love him so much.

Any more comments or advice are more than welcome. I am getting comfort from talking to you guys.

Thanks x
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Postby jenny39579 » Tue Jul 24, 2007 8:03 pm

Hey, me again. 95 people have viewed my problem but only 1's left a reply. I know I've not written much in my first reply so I'm gonna tell you more about the situation...

I'm 24, known my fella for 4 years, was together for the first 2, split up for 2, and since april back togther. It was an amicaple split due to a long distant relationship. It was very hard for us both.

Anyway, during the 2 year split, I realised just how much i loved my fella. I always hoped we'd get back together and I thought if we did, things would be perfect second time around... To my dismay, they're not... far from it. I hardly see him due to his job, we hardly speak due to his job and we only really converse through text. When we do finally meet up though, he treats me like a princess and I just feel like he's the boy of my dreams except one thing... He won't have sex with me anymore.. he makes excuses that his knees are bad and that he's tired. And because of this behaviour, I felt so insecure and I knew there was more to it... So I went on the snoops...

After snooping on his emails, I found out that he'd registered on a chat line. Naturally, I couldn't help but go onto his profile. He said he was single and that he might want more than just a chat. This was some months ago and I've not told him I know. I was sort of forgetting about it after a few weeks but there was something niggling at me about him... On again I snoopped and found out this time he's registered on a gay website saying he's bi-curious and that he wants to cross dress. plus, he's even paid £70 for this one. i was crushed.

Please, please reply and just give some advice. Need you, people.

Thanks x
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Postby captainf » Tue Jul 24, 2007 8:12 pm

I think you should leave him. Theres nothing wrong with being bisexual, but the fact that hes with you, yet states himself as being single and possibly wants more from these people on the site in question is more than enough proof to leave him. Like I said, theres nothing wrong with being bisexual, but it is wrong to have multiple partners, even if they are different genders. Its all wrong. Regardless of sexuality I think you should stick to one person. I think that you should leave him because he obviously is hiding the truth from both you and them.
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Postby seksiclaire » Tue Jul 24, 2007 8:48 pm

yeh i agree. ya dont pay 70 quid on a website if its just for a laff. he could be doing anything during the time your not with him, and plus, the "no sex" thing is just an excuse, bad knees. sorry to sound so blunt but u need to get out of this relationship before it goes too far. he cant even be honest with u about his sexuality how can u expect to have a future with this person.

Edit by Pwif: no swearing. Ta
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Postby chosenfew » Wed Jul 25, 2007 1:32 pm

I agree with the about. No offence to anyone but i know what kind of seedy things go on on these gay/bi sites as i have loads of gay mates and it makes me sick. i just hope he isnt one of the many that gets involved!
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Postby retrochav » Wed Jul 25, 2007 2:30 pm

Paying £70 to access these sites is all that makes me sick!!! I think that whatever "seedy" things people opt to do as consenting adults is up to them. I find it appalling that these sites cash in on the taboo aspect of consental sex between adults.

However, in your case honey, if he has paid £70 it is clear that this isnt a laugh, an accident or a spur of the momment thing. This is something he clearly intends to follow, even if he doesnt intend to do more than just chat with people - and here is where the problem lies. Even talking sexually with others, can fuel a sense of dissatisfaction in a relationship. Especially if you have a fetish and the other person on line shares it.

I would strongly urge you to gently talk with him. I believe that sexual freedom between adults is natural and healthy. However, partaking in sexual activities behind a partners back is appalling and cowardly. He should either give you the chance to decide your feelings about it, or else fantasize alone about it.
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Postby captainf » Wed Jul 25, 2007 2:38 pm

chosenfew wrote:I agree with the about. No offence to anyone but i know what kind of seedy things go on on these gay/bi sites as i have loads of gay mates and it makes me sick. i just hope he isnt one of the many that gets involved!


What do you mean? What kinds of things go on?

I just think that if he is with you he shouldnt be seeking anything from anyone else.. and if he is, he should have the courage to atleast let you go because I don't believe its right to have multiple partners and this is obviously hurting you.
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Postby chosenfew » Wed Jul 25, 2007 3:27 pm

captain_flynn wrote: What do you mean? What kinds of things go on?


Im not saying all gay/bi people or sites do this but the ones i know of that some of my mates go on are there for people agter sex, to meet up for a one night or hour stand. Honestly i dont know if there is straight ones of these too but if any gay/bi lad wanted to meet up and any time for sex there is loads of chat rooms they can go on. Even the o2 chat room on your mobile is known for it.

Im not saying thats what her boyfriend is up to by the way im just answering captains question.
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Postby retrochav » Thu Jul 26, 2007 12:46 pm

In answer to the query - yes there are loads of straight sex sites, and yes plenty of girls choosing to meet guys purely for no strings sex. Fine if you are single.....not a good sign if your not!
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