Two problems .. need advice :S

[MyLifeConfussed]

Firstly, i have a bf .. been with him for three months and i just cant make him cum .. how do i do this? whats the best way to pleasure him .. secondly my girl friend has this friend who ive been seeing a lot of recently when we are out .. he tried to kiss me about a week ago ( nothing happened though) and he knows i have a bf and what makes it worse is he has a gf .. what do i do about this? is it wrong for me to see him or text him? hes soo nice to me though and my friends are like dont be talking to him hes just trying to get you but i dunno what to do ... hes hillarious and fun to hang out with too ..

[captainf]

If this other guy is hilarious and fun, and your friends are saying hes no good, then around you he is likely to be a fake. Probably playing to your liking just to bed you. Think of it this way, he has a girlfriend but hes trying it on with you. Will he do the same with another girl if you got with him? Probably. He doesnt think you're special and the one, he just hopes you're an easy and naive target. Reduce, or cut contact with him before he makes your life miserable.

As for your boyfriend - have you discussed sex with him? Have you found out what turns him on, and discussed with him what he does and doesnt like? Maybe he gets nervous and thats why he doesnt ejaculate. There are many reasons but its important to discuss sex with him and find out if theres anything wrong and if theres anything you can do to get him excited.

[Bel Bel]

I agree on both points with captainf.

I would add if you don't find your b/f interesting then perhaps he isn't the one for you?

[MyLifeConfussed]

Thanks erm BelBel whyd you get the feeling I dont find him interesting ?

Thanks .. i dunno if hes fake but he always seems to be out where I am soo its kinda hard to avoid .. hes really friendly and always offers me lifts home . only last time he took advantage of the fact I was lenient with my money :S Awwk ano im not interested in anything happening between me and this other guy at all like .. but i dunno if you are in a relationship do you never feel lke you dont want to be when your out? my bf is my age like and he wont go out cus he doesnt want to be turned away soo its hard when you go out and see loadsa coupples together and your not with him you know what i mean? Dont get me wrong i wouldn cheat on him evverr like ... you really think the other guy would make my life miserable? Also one of my bfs friends says i go out to much.. the bf says he has no problem with it .. but its hard to tell if hes telling the truth.. how much is too much when your bf isnt going with you ? thanks again

[ILoveChristmas]

In my view there's no question of whether this guy's fake or not. He is. Look at the facts; he has a girlfriend and yet he's actively trying it on with you. That alone should tell you all you need to know about him.

As captain says, coming to that conclusion doesn't necessarily mean you need to completely cut contact with him. You can see him in a friendly context with other people provided you've made it clear to him and it's clear in your own mind that nothing will come of it. Captain is right, you have no basis on which to think he won't simply try it on with another girl once he's won his little game with you.

I understand what you're saying about sometimes feeling that you don't want to be in a relationship when you're out. I get the impression you're young, and that's the time to be out having fun and doing things you won't be able to do later in life, but while you are in a relationship you must respect the committment you've made, and it sounds like you are.

As for whether you go out too much, that's between you and your boyfriend, not you and his friend. Your boyfriend should be free to raise concerns if he has them and if he's telling you he doesn't mind then so be it. You do need to make sure you leave time for the two of you though, and that doesn't mean staying in the house. There are plenty of fun things to do that don't involve the risk of getting turned away, like bowling, dinner out somewhere, cinema etc.

Lastly, on the point of whether this guy will make your life miserable. He'll do that on lots of levels. Firstly, he sounds like he carries all the hallmarks of a sleazy pest. Someone who's got his sights on you and who will continue to harass you if he thinks there is even the slightest chance you could be interested. Then there's the emotional damage he's doing to you, or will shortly do to you. He's already having an impact on you and that's before anything's ever happened. Don't let him drive a wedge in your relationship, it's what he's trying to do and it cannot end happily.

[Bel Bel]

you said they other guy was fun and hilarious and great to hang out with so I just assumed you didn't feel the same way about your b/f.
Perhaps you do need to spend more time doing fun stuff with your b/f. Adding to ILC's ideas: theme parks, picnics, zoos, trip to seaside, concerts, swimming etc

[MyLifeConfussed]

Thanks again for your comments

When i said the other guy was fun etc i just meant like he is good company, when im out with him i have a laugh about stuff My bfs fun too

Tbh i dont see how i could completely cut out contact with this other guy.. He will be there if i go out with a certain group of friends .. and i dont want to cut out contact with those friends to avoid seeing him .. i was out with that crowd again last night and one of his friends came over and said something about him looking into me and another one said dont worry he wont actually go any further cus youve hit puberty :S dont like the sound of this comment like and i know its probably just a joke but it kinda felt a tad reassuring .. but also had a pretty rough night last night .. and the guy who seems fake was there for me like and he made sure i was safe .. so that is also reassuring that he will look out for me .. even if his reasoning is not nicely justified :S

Awk when im with my bf im soo sure i want to be in the relationship .. but when im out I feel bad even when im talking to other guys .. especially if they are trying it on ... I think this would probably change if my bf was out too but he refuses to come out cus he thinks he will get turned away for being underage :S I would never cheat, i couldnt :S

Yeahh those ideas sound good and I will deffinately suggest them for when he is back from holliday

I think/hope he is kinda starting to get the hint that i am not and will not be interested in anymore than a friendship with him whilst I am in a relationship :S

Thanks again its really great getting some outside advice from people who i dont think will judge me .. thanks

[captainf]

He comforted you last night because he wants to appear good. Theres no better way to seduce a woman than when shes emotional and drunk. Trust me, a few more situations like that and you will be his puppet to play with. I am curious though, what caused you to be in a bad state?

To be honest ive never felt like I didnt want to be in a relationship when I was out (I am not in a relationship now anyway) Even if you go out and your boyfriend doesnt you dont have to feel guilty making friends. If guys are trying it on with you then what you've got to do is tell them you are in a relationship.
If your boyfriend doesnt want to go to pubs and clubs, dont force him. The world doesnt have to revolve around nightclubs however much young people think it does.

[MyLifeConfussed]

I dont think it involves around night clubs like .. but they are good for a night out and itd be so much better if he was there .. ano i shouldnt feel guilty making friends .. but in all seriousness how many guys go out to night clubs to make friends? The second you tell a guy your in a relationship the smile drops and he walks away .. either that or the guy trys it on again ( this is what happened last night) he said your bf will never know wand tried it on again .. i told him where to go then he touched me inappropriately to say the least .. i was pretty rude like and turned around and shouted chuck off .. the guy basically went ape jelly then .. picked up a bottle of beer and poured it over me and knocked about 5 glasses off the table which fell into smitherines and stormed off .. then i couldnt find any of my friends for a while and got into quite a state when the bouncers started breaking up a fight and the guy emmerged again from the crowd .. i dunno it kinda scared me alot .. and the other guy found me and comforted me .. it also doesnt help the fact i was pretty drunk .. i thought i could drink my troubles away ... found a note in my house a few weeks ago which comfirmed that my mum had the cancer which my granny (her mother ) passed away from at a relatively young age .. plus rough time with the parents recently due to going out in belfast on sunday night (11th ) and getting burnt on my back by some secterian basket .. wow, sorry for the rant .. kinda feels good to get that out :S ..

[captainf]

I understand what you mean but I think this is where things can slightly differ. In the past I have had girlfriends that liked clubs, but I hated them. So they went and I didnt. Theres no problem with this really unless the partner couldnt be faithful, which mine couldnt. If your boyfriend doesnt want to go to clubs then accept that. Im single now, but if I had a gf who wanted to go to clubs I would hope she accepted that I didnt want to go, and i'd accept it if she didnt want to fly with me. Its no problem, as long as there is trust and you can remain faithful to your boyfriend, which you have. I think you did the right thing in what you said to that guy. He was just a horrible person who was looking for a one night stand. I understand what you say about guys not making friends in clubs, I cant say you're wrong because I never go to them places, but assuming you are right, then I guess you have to accept that as part of the whole club culture thing and guys will try and chat you up and you, like a good loyal girlfriend, will just have to do the right thing and be honest that you have a boyfriend.

I still think that guy comforted you for brownie points. This is how some guys work. What you have to remember is that he said he would like to be with you and yet he has a girlfriend - he hasnt done the honourable thing and left her due to lack of feelings.
Sorry to hear you was very drunk. Alcohol will not help but it will cause alot more problems for you. No one has ever successfully managed to drink their troubles away, but plenty have drank their life away though.
Does your mum still have cancer, or did she have it in the past? I sympathise, I posted on here a few days ago mentioning my mother is off for a mammogram on wednesday to see if she has breast cancer or not. Of course I am really worried but I will never turn to drink. I think that you have got to find some other alternative, and no, I dont mean smoking or drugs. Just find a way to deal with things, perhaps keep a diary or maybe try creative writing or writing lyrics? Talk go to your friends or confide in your boyfriend. Perhaps go out for long walks, they can often tire you out, which is good if you have trouble sleeping.

[MyLifeConfussed]

Whyd you hate clubs? its not like my bf hates them he just never has gone to one .. and he doesnt think hed get in :S soo you think i should stop asking him to come out to clubs?? yeahh anoo .. it can be hard though because the guys really nice one second and then the second you tell him your taken he gets well annoyed because he just wasted his time talking to you kinda thing ... its horrible .. its like your actually treated like a piece of meat .. like when i was out this guy started being really friendly towards me and i told him i had a bf and he moved on to my friend and she was like .. i just dont go out to random clubs and get with everyone I wee and then he moved onto another frien .. who happened to be easy ... but like the only thing guys seem to want is to hook up with girls.. mind you most who arent out for that are already out with their gfs ...

Yeahh maybe it was brownie points but it still is comforting to know that someone will be there .. well he said hed leae him gf for me ... but im not breaking up with my bf ... I know i was soo silly, i know i shouldnt have drank that muchh .. it just sug me a big whole ...

Well you see the thing is with my mums cancer .. I dont actually get updated on it .. mum hasnt spoke to me about it and either has my dad .. i acccidently found it when walking past the pile of letters in mums room and they all scattered to the ground :S soo i saw it written .. i didnt really understand the letter .. and ive said nothing because i dont know enough about it ... if and when its serious enough she will tell me all I need to know .. what i know atm is my granny died of the same type of cancer and the cancer gene is genetic .. ive known for a while my mum had this gene making her more prone but not definate .. which it now is . i know notthing about the treatment or anything :S im sorry to hear about you mum .. and in a way envy th fact your mum updates you on it :S Awkk i know im not gona do anything like that again ... thanks for the advice much appreciated xx

[captainf]

I hate them because most of my previous girlfriends cheated in them.
I think you can ask him out, like 'im going to... do you want to come?' but if he says no then accept it. Girls generally look older than boys when 16 or so. Its quite easy to mistake a 16yr old girl for a 20yr old when they are all dressed up. So naturally your boyfriend is cautious about his chances of getting in.
Alot of guys and girls are just out on the pull, casual mostly or sometimes serious, anything goes and this is part of the club culture (another reason why im not interested in it) Guys are always going to hit on you in them places and treat you like a piece of meet because they are mostly looking for something casual and in addition to this they arent that interested in you personally, they just want to know if you're willing.

Yeahh maybe it was brownie points but it still is comforting to know that someone will be there .. well he said hed leae him gf for me

Thats the thing though, him trying to score brownie points is really significant - hes more interested in scoring points than making you feel better. Once you're sucked in all that changes. He may well leave his girlfriend for you.. but in time he will leave you for another girl. Hes a player - he plays the sweet and sensitive role, not because he wants to make you happy, but because he needs to do it as a stepping stone to get you. Once he gets bored he'll be off with another girl and the process starts again.

Perhaps you can be honest with your mum and tell her how you saw the letters? Perhaps she doesnt actually have cancer confirmed, and like my mum, will have to have a mammogram to see first? Maybe thats why she hasnt told you, but considering you have found out maybe you should bring it up to her and just tell her you're concerned. I doubt she'll be angry and im sure she will be honest. An ex girlfriend of mine has the cancer gene in her family too so they all go for regular checks. Just make sure that you and your mum get checked regularly for it as a precaution.

P.S Sorry if theres any spelling errors or mistakes that dont make sense, its nearly 3am and im off to bed

[retrochav]

One thing i have learnt in life is that when things seem too good to be true - they usually are.

Your boyfriend may not want to go to clubs because he fears being turned away, it may also be because he is quite content and committed to you, and doesnt feel the need to go clubbing. Whilst i appreciate the music is great and you can catch up with friends, these places are meat markets really - lets be honest, I know if i havent picked up in a bar i can have another chance in a club.

Your friend is very charming by the sounds of things - but imagine if you did go out with him, it could be you he would be saying he'd leave for the next bright young thing. Think very carefully about that, especially when your mum is going to need a lot of support fighting cancer.

Your boyfriend may not be ticking all the boxes right now, and by the sounds of it, although you dont plan on cheating, you are flattered by the attentions of other guys. There is an old saying that fine words butter no parsnips - essentially talk is cheap, and its the support of a person that really counts, not the sweet nothings that make you feel good.

I would really advise that you take a bit of time out from the clubbing, think about whether you want this relationship, and if you do hold it tightly as you will need support in the comming months. If you dont want him, then have a long hard think about your next move.

[MyLifeConfussed]

I dont need to go clubbing like but it is good for a good wee night out with friends .... awkk ano they are markets but in most cases people do understand and just leave you be when you tell them you are in a relationship .. ano i was unlucky in my experience like but most do

Awkk yeahh ano hes so nice .. but im not interested in going out with him .. what im concerned about is that if a girl was flirting with my bf the way hes flirting with me i really dont think id like him to be out with her irregardless of how much i trust him .. there would still be a discomfort there :S

I deffo want to stay with my bf but truth be told i havent exactly told him about my mum yet .. hes not great and dealing with situations like this .. and i dont want to put him under that pressure plus hes been away for a week now and i only found out about 2-3 weeks ago and didnt want him concerned about me whilst he was supposed to be enjoying his holliday

Yeahh thats kinda along the lines of what i do say like i dont over pressure him or give him a hard time for saying no to coming out .. ano lots of people cheat in clubs and im not only saying this to come across as the good guy cus tbh this is kinda annon and even if youse did get a bad opiionion of me youse wouldnt know who it was of,,, i could be a neighbour of yours for all you knwo .. but i genuinely dont think i could cheat on him .. although granted lots of girls do cheat in them as they tend to have no strings attached in night clubs :S

Gosh why are soo many guys players its soo confussing .. does this mean he will basically just drop the nice guy act when he figures that im not gona cheat or break up with my bf .. well atleast not anytime soon

I actually cant talk to my mum about it .. cus tbh i dunno if i could cope with it if she clarified that she deffo had cancer .. at the moment i can cope becuase im thinking .. if she hasnt told me anything about it yet maybe its not that serious .. maybe it can be cured or maybe its just a complete misunderstanding .. i know its silly and many people will try to persuade me to talk to her ... but i just cant .. i hope someone out there understands what i mean ? im sorry to here about your mum ... it really is scary though .. how do you deal with it .. cus i actually dunno what to do .. or who to tell or talk to or ii dunno its confussing ... :S

P.S. dont be silly .. spelling mistakes are no biggy i make them all the time .. sorry if they bother you .. and thanks again for replying xx

[Bel Bel]

We are all different how we deal with things. If you don't wnat to talk to your mum and that's right for you then that is perfectly ok.
As you say if it becomes more of a problem I am sure your mum will tell you
The only problem is you will never know if it's over/cured/not a problem anymore
If you do decided to talk you could always approach your Dad, it doesn't have to be your mum