paranoid and feeling down

[rebekah]

the last few days i've jus been feeling down in the dumps, and i feel i dont have proper friends.

for me i feel its a big problem because i havent found that one best friend who i can laugh and tell everything to, i do have my cousin who i can be myself around, we get on soo well but i want that connection with a friend and i dont have it

i started college, going into second semester in february and i expected to have found that friend but i havent. i have friends and they would consider me as a being a real close friend and can tell me things, but i dont feel the same towards them..

i've been with my boyfriend for a year and 2 months but hes moved back to spain, we are trying long distance and its going well but its not the same he was one person outside my family i can be myself around but now hes in diffeernt country i wont see him for 5 months when i go see him...

i feel paranoid at the smallest things, i feel like my friends are talking about me cos i seem to exclude myself, i prefer being on my own at home with my sister and mam cos i have this like fear or something that il end up in some awkward situation where il become real shy and i hate itt! but then again i can go out with friends and have fun and il consider it as a good day?

i started looking up anti social problems but it seems like its some actual disorder and its description doesnt decsribe my situation at all!

can someone give me advice on how to stop being like this? :/

[retrochav]

You arent paranoid at all, and your feelings arent abnormal. What you are describing is what everyone feels at some point in life, even some point in a day for many of us.

You have a range of friends, you have a good relationship with your family, and a partner. You just havent met someone you feel you can completely trust. The truth is that no-one can completely understand another person. Thats why we have friends accross the spectrum - different friends have different qualities. Some are great to have a witch with, some are great to share a secret, some make a great day even greater and others are good to cheer us up.

There is an old saying "dont put all your eggs in one basket". It means that putting all your trust and energies in just one direction is making yourself vulnerable to feeling let down.

As for wondering if your friends may say things about you, well we all doubt friendships from time to time. The measure of a good friend is that they are there when you need them and you do the same. So yes they may in passing say "oh she never wants to spend time with us" but its simply an observation, no different from "I prefer her hair in that style to the other way she has it".

There will always be a situation where nerves get the better of us. Again thats the joy of friendships, one friend will make you laugh about getting shy, another will comfort you about it.

Shyness is like a shadow, the more you turn your back on the limelight - the longer the shadow of shyness appears to be.