for me i feel its a big problem because i havent found that one best friend who i can laugh and tell everything to, i do have my cousin who i can be myself around, we get on soo well but i want that connection with a friend and i dont have it

i started college, going into second semester in february and i expected to have found that friend but i havent. i have friends and they would consider me as a being a real close friend and can tell me things, but i dont feel the same towards them..
i've been with my boyfriend for a year and 2 months but hes moved back to spain, we are trying long distance and its going well but its not the same

i feel paranoid at the smallest things, i feel like my friends are talking about me cos i seem to exclude myself, i prefer being on my own at home with my sister and mam cos i have this like fear or something that il end up in some awkward situation where il become real shy and i hate itt! but then again i can go out with friends and have fun and il consider it as a good day?
i started looking up anti social problems but it seems like its some actual disorder and its description doesnt decsribe my situation at all!
can someone give me advice on how to stop being like this? :/