Is it the right thing, how do I do it?

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Is it the right thing, how do I do it?

Post by SillyMistakes »

Really didn't know where to put this one as I guess I'm asking two things, one for opinions on my potential actions and the other for help in how I would go about it;

First, the opinions. I have lived in my town, relatively small, for all my life (I am 22), I have moved out of my parents home then back in when my father offered me a deal I couldn't refuse with regards to my savings. I have a good job, a really good job for someone informally educated (only by experience), and now find myself in a position where I can purchase a home, I love my friends but am single and will probably remain so, I've self-analysed and come to the conclusion that with regards to relationships I don't know what I want, or rather, I don't believe I can achieve what I want for numerous reasons I shant bore you with now. I've been thinking a long while that I would like to pursue my current career and once I reach the glass ceiling in my hometown, move to a bigger place at the same level with the experience under my belt and hammer on it there. I have however, discovered that my not having a degree means that my workplace will not be considering me for the promotion I had previously been told they were, and that the best I could get would be a small pay increase for doing a role underneath whoever they bring in to do the role I had been trained for. This I understand, it's out of my management's hand, as it's a corporate decision (a relatively new one) to restrict higher placements to degree-holders across the board. I'm now thinking I need to get away soon, I love my friends but I find myself being distant to them, I have a complicated relationship with my family and I feel the space would benefit our relationships, as it did for my siblings, I have come to disrespect my town and treat it too much like I know everybody, and I would feel more comfortable in a place I felt less comfortable (Had to have at least one paradox). I understand that part of me is unhappy in of myself, and that running away from a place will not equate to running away from myself, however I personally feel that it would be a step in the right direction. If you disagree with this as an idea or premise in of itself, please do tell me, I'd be interested to hear any alternate ideas (beyond the platitudes that suggest self-help, if i had not attempted and failed that at least thrice I would not be considering leaving a comfortable job and a town with good friends).

Secondly, for the "nitty gritty" I've hit an impasse when it comes to how to move away, I think it's safe to say I wouldn't consider doing so without a job waiting for me, I've found a few potential roles that aren't taking too much, or any of a hit to my salary, my problem is how do i communicate to them that I am willing and able to move house, knowing that it could take a while for someone to have a property available for me, would i have to rent initially in order to be flexible as to a start time? (This is the last option on my mind, as it would take a chunk out of my deposit) I dont currently own a car and ideally wouldn't need to, although I can drive, do i tell them all this in the application or only once (and if!) I get an interview? Moreover, I am concerned at the prospect of arriving at a new job and being let go within a few months with a mortgage to pay, but then i suppose that's a risk I'll have to accept. What I'd like is some clarity on how much information i should supply to a potential employer when I am considering this, I mean I cant be the only person to have done it, but I would imagine it's pretty rare to have someone whose A) unqualified, B) able to purchase a home rather than rent and C) looking for a home in another town/city.

Lastly, although I suppose it should've come earlier, I am curious as to whether what I want is actually at all possible. I know how much I can borrow with my current deposit and income, but would me changing jobs affect that at all? For instance, while I know and have taken into account how a drop in income would affect my mortgage, would the fact I had only started a new job and/or handed in my notice with a job offer in tow and was still in the "parole" period mean that lenders would find me undesirable, thereby eliminating my chances of purchasing v. renting? At worst, I suppose I could deal with waiting five years into a mortgage in my hometown then look for jobs elsewhere, but at the moment it feels like that'd be waiting five years for my life to start, and I'd get more and more depressed at being stuck in a place I know and resent.

I have a friend, whose 27, coincidentally the same age as I would be after those five years, who spends his every night drinking a bottle or two of wine, sometimes a whole box, spends his days at work (I used to work with him, so I know) avoiding all human contact and conversation, waiting for when he can go home and drink alone again, I rarely see him any more, because he prefers to drink alone, he hates this town, he resents his family trying to involve themselves in his life (although there's no denying he loves them too) and his friends, while good friends, are mainly friends of convenience and comfort. I am genuinely concerned that in 5 years I will end up like him, what concerns me more is I once loved him, a few years ago, and he told me he no longer found himself capable of loving anyone, he just wanted to be left alone, and already I am noticing this in myself, where I was always a highly social individual, I find myself sick to the teeth of seeing the same people all the time, too nervous of my late-night activities of the not-so-distant past to attempt at meeting new people, and much happier confined to late nights with a book, a film, a bottle of wine, or my laptop, than I am with the people I care about.

This turned into much more of a ramble than I originally intended, so I apologize for that, although I've kept it in simply because I suppose it's as good a method to air my hidden feelings than any other.
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Re: Is it the right thing, how do I do it?

Post by David020549 »

OK no platitudes. I think I've got it right , you're 22, single and living with parents, good well paid job, no Uni so promotion limited, want to move to a different town, and lots of other things.

Don't rent if you can live cheaply with parents, save for a deposit on your own place, paying rent will make it very hard to save for a deposit.

Don't buy a car, make sure your work is an easy distance from home, cars are money pits

You don't say what work you do, many trades have part time qualifications that enable you to study while you work, also university courses are not full time you may be able to join a course locally and continue work as well, maybe with reduced hours. Getting a good qualification will be much easier with the work experience you have.

What not to do!. At 22 don't sign up for a 3 years at university then decide to have kids shortly after, many women think it is easy to combine a career with kids and a relationship, it is not, its very hard.

That's covered a few topics, best of luck deciding what to do
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