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Postby lil-green-2009 » Thu Oct 28, 2010 2:09 pm

Me and my boyfriend have been going out for 5 months now and we love each other. He has recently asked if we can take our relationship futher. Now this is both our first time but thats not the problem. Me and my boyfriend are not close in a physical way. We don't hug, or kiss or hold hands like most couples do, it seems we are more best friends half the time. Should we really be thinking about moving the relationship on?
Recently I stopped over at his house, and we both went to bed to together and we tried a few things, and i know i am ready to do it but, i am very unconfident ith my body, i am a size 16 and i have chubby thighs and a big stomach. I am scared to take my clothes off incase he changes his mind =/ Any advice?
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Re: Unsure...

Postby Bel Bel » Fri Oct 29, 2010 12:26 pm

He will not change his mind. You can get a good idea of someones size though their clothes.
Some men like bigger girls other like skinny ones. You are who you are and if he doesn't like you then he wouldn't be with you
I think you need to take things slower and let it build naturally to the point where you go all the way
Are you happy that you don't kiss etc or do you want to. If so do more of that before moving on
Make sure you get contraception too so if you get carried away you don't end up pregnant
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Re: Unsure...

Postby Tink92 » Thu Sep 29, 2011 11:57 pm

Omg, I was going tho this when It was my first time too! I was with my bf for a while and we wanted to have sex to push 'the boat out' in our relationship. We ended up having sex and then he dumped me the next day!!!! Looking back on it now I wish I didnt just let him have his way with me. Only have sex with him when you know you can really trust him and he dont just want the one thing from you. I really wish I waited until I knew for defo that he loved me or me and he loved me even if I didn't want to have sex, what ever size or shape I was. If he starts getting upset or moody about you wanting to wait or something then explain why and if he still can't love you for you and not for sex then your worth SO MUCH MORE and there'll be someone out there that will love you for you and respect you!!!
When you do have sex always wear a condom! A tiny bit of rubber stops you from having Un planned babies and horrible STI's that sex really isn't worth the hassle!
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Re: Unsure...

Postby Aurelie » Mon Jan 02, 2012 5:58 pm

Hi Lil-green,

I think that the fact that you are asking shows you are unsure about taking the next 'step' within your relationship. Generally speaking, if it is the right time to progress, you will find it happens naturally and isn't a planned event. With this in mind, it would be useful to carry a condom with you just in case.

Please don't worry about your body, he is already there with you and evidently enjoys being with you. Sex is not just a physical act, loving and respecting someone requires deeper feelings than just what they look like. Also, he must already be attracted to you to be with you.

The first time will always be a big event, but if you are right together, there will be plenty of time to reach that point. Don't rush, and make sure it's something and someone that you are comfortable with.

There will always be exceptions, often sex happens outside of loving relationships, but if you genuinely care about each other and reach the stage naturally then all you need to consider is being with him and the rest should feel right. If it doesn't feel right, don't push it, you might just need more time to become more comfortable with each other. No pressure :)

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Re: Unsure...

Postby retrochav » Wed Jan 02, 2013 2:57 am

First thing is first. Look around you at other women. If only size 8 women were attractive to men, the population would have long since become extinct. Women of every shape and size are attractive to men of every shape and size. If your guy was really put off by your body then he wouldn't be worthy of your love. Those who disappear after making love have the problem, not the partner they've left behind.

In your case, I would suggest keeping things to affection for a while longer. All the while you have doubts about your body you will focus on it for any problem in the relationship once you have slept together. Making love should feel safe for both partners, in an atmosphere of trust. Feeling unsightly in front of your partner destroys that trust.

Try massaging each other with clothes on, cuddling together, allowing more of a bond to grow. If you talk about the body parts you both are unsure about, you would probably find he has his negative image as well. Us guys worry about tummy fat, scrawny shoulders, being too small downstairs etc. so if he is honest he is probably just as anxious about disappointing you too.

You'll be ready to go to the next stage when you feel confident about yourself, and confident that you can talk openly to him. Most importantly, be confident about condoms, because unplanned pregnancy and cystitis from first time love making can and does happen, and that's one conversation no one wants to have.
whatever your problem someone else has been there and bears the scars.
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