Feeling low at the moment (long)

[LN123987]

hi

about posting something on here, kind of like really i should trust my family/friends enough to tell them how i really feel, but i usually when i post on here its about something small or that doesnt really matter, because i always feel a bit guilty i
know they'd judge me, they'd know how i really felt, which i hate so much, they always say i can talk to them about anything, but i just feel like i can't, its so hard for me to tell them things, i have no idea why i feel this way, i just do.

But im here to just get some things off my chest, im 14, i smoke (i know its bad but whenever im upset it just helps me relax and express myself more, i feel less self concious when i smoke, sadly. Im lazy, i hate getting up unless its to do something with (close) friends, if its someone i don't feel comfortable with, or don't know, i'll cancel and stay in bed. I hate school, every night before i stay up obsessing about how i can get days off i always worry about friends, being alone, getting something wrong, being put on the spot by a teacher and looking stupid, doing something embarassing, i've always dreamed of being homeschooled. I get very self concious, people joke about my looks and weight all the time, even though im quite thin, because they think i can take it, im always too shy to say anything, so i just laugh along, although i really want to cry.

These are just some of the things i feel are wrong with me, im also very unhealthy, i eat the wrong food, im always coughing my guts up, i often feel a heaviness in my chest, like someone if pushing down on it, i have back problems, i can hardly stand up without yelping at the pain it causes.

Im not very popular, people are always shouting names at me, im friends with some not very nice people, who i only really hang around with so i don't end up alone, anyway they spread rumours i did drugs, which i dont, i know how terrible they are, but it really upsets me when people shout 'druggie' or come up to me and ask if i have any, again, i feel like crying.

Im really just stating the things that i don't really like about myself, i have a great family, i love them to bits, and some good friends, i wouldn't change my life, but i just think i need some advice on these little things im having problems with.
Even writing this i want to just exit this page, like this is just a waste of your time.

I feel better now i've said that, all of this was just going round and round in my head, stopping me from sleeping.

Anything you have to say is appreciated.

Thankyou x

[dipsydoodlenoodle]

Would changing schools be an option? You can re-invent yourself at a new school. No one will know rumours or call you 'druggie'.

I changed schools when I was 13 (we moved), it made a HUGE difference because people didn't know me before hand. I could be a new person.

It's daunting changing schools but overall I'd say I enjoyed it. Also if you want to change schools I'd say do so before yuo get too far into your GCSE's.

[Bel Bel]

You are not wasting anyones time and if your family knew how much this bothered you I am sure they would want to listen but I get why it's easier to tell people you don't know. I have a teenage daughter and I know how you bottle things up but it isn't healthy. Also make sure you pick a time to talk to people when you know they have time to listen and they aren't stressed out.
You don't value yourself enough and your body language probably projects that so you become the easy target to pick on
As for the people doing the picking on you often they have their own insecurities and try to cover it up by picking on others, the most seemingly confident people can be really insecure and they wear a mask all day to hide it and go home and feel just like you.
Ignore the small minded idiots who shout out about drugs, they got some gossip and are just being immature
smoking may be giving you the bad chest but I think actually you have an aniexty problem and you should go to the dcotors, you worry about so much you are physically streesing yourself out and this is coming out as chest pains etc
It is quite common. Please try to get the courage to tell your mum how stresses you are. If you can't talk to her write her a letter telling her how alone you feel.
Also go to the library and get a book on self esteem. You need to make yourself feel good about who you are
Read "fat advice for sefl esteem" at the top of the "and the rest" forum
Also remember it is better to have a couple iof good friends they loads of friends you don't really care about
You do need to try to make effort for new things if you want to widen your circle of friends. You can't just expect them to come knocking on your door.

[dipsydoodlenoodle]

I was going to suggest writing a letter to your mam explaining how you feel but Bel-Bel got there first *mumbles*. I did it and believe me it is so much easier than sitting down saying those things face to face.

[Bel Bel]

I was going to suggest writing a letter to your mam explaining how you feel but Bel-Bel got there first *mumbles*.

you'll be pleased to know I will be away on business Tuesday - Friday next week and I am rarely on at weekends so you'll get 6 whole days of getting in first.

[dipsydoodlenoodle]

you'll be pleased to know I will be away on business Tuesday - Friday next week and I am rarely on at weekends so you'll get 6 whole days of getting in first.

Lol, I'm never on at weekends either, I'll have to make do with Tues-Friday lol. Going anywhere nice?

[Bel Bel]

no germany - not my place of choice and my ex husband will be there too and he is awkward with me even after 17 years apart

[xXx_Kelly08_xXx]

Hey, i had the exact same problems when i was in school, i was called "teeth" all the time because my teeth were very crooked, i also smoked at a young age. I never went to school, i absolutly hated it! I never had a problem with food, but everything else i did!
U just need to make sure that you stick with your real friends and i no its easy said than done but just ignore the people who are calling you names! If u look slosely at them, they have more things wrong with dem dan you have rong with you...nobody was made perfect! Your not in school forever so id make the most of it if i was still there, because life gets harder when schools over!
One mistake i dont want ya 2 make, is to be easy wen it comes toboys, beacause i was so self concious that wen a boy told me he wanted to have sex with me wen i was just 15 an i jumped at the chance and then i had sex wit pretty much half my town for the next year or two and its my biggest regret ever!
Basicly wat im trying to say is make the most of your life when ur young coz in a couple of years, u wont even remember any of these problems but if u do sumtin destructive, you'll never forget! good luck xx

[DaisyLacey]

I'm sorry your feeling so low.
People say your school days are the best times of your life, but i think a lot of us forget just how difficult they can be. Kids can be cruel, we all know that, but the only person who can make changes in this situation is you. In a lot of cases, bullies will remain bullies and we can either leave them to their sad pitiful existence in society or we can do something about it. You can act on this. How can you do this? By telling someone. A teacher, parents, someone you trust. Someone who will deal with these awful people in the appropriate way so you no longer have to wake up to the feeling of dread. You have a right to your education, just as any other student in the world - You should not be made to feel like you cannot go to school. Tell someone, get this out in the open, bullies will back down once they know they have been defeated. Also, your choice of 'friends' concerns me. I used to be friends with a girl who would steal my boyfriends, call me fat if i lost weight, call me ugly, betray me, witch about me, lie to me - any thing that a friend shouldnt do, she did. I dont have handfulls of friends, she was one of my closest out of about three. I dropped her. Completly. I'd rather have no one in my life than someone like that.
The people you are assosiating with right now arent good for you, they are damaging your health and friendships should do any thing but that. Take the time to make new friends, i know it's easier said than done but join afterschool clubs, take up a hobby - socialise, girl. Once you feel how good it feels to have a solid set of friends, you'll wander what you ever saw in those hideous people you are friends with now.
Good luck. You can do it.