What's The Point?!

Go here if you need cheering up, or if you feel the urge to cheer someone else up!
Forum rules
NEW USERS HAVE TO WAIT FOR THEIR FIRST POSTS TO BE APPROVED BY AN ADMINISTRATOR. Rules | Essential Information | FAQ | Support | Twitter

Re: What's The Point?!

Postby Skarlet » Wed Aug 29, 2012 3:29 pm

But you are preventing yourself from ever opening up to someone else for someone that you don't know anymore- and maybe this pain is a comfort in that you know it will never feel worse because you won't ever open up enough to let someone else in to hurt you.
User avatar
Skarlet
Permanent Fixture
Permanent Fixture
 
Posts: 1082
Joined: Tue Dec 09, 2008 4:41 pm
Gender: Female

Re: What's The Point?!

Postby Bel Bel » Wed Aug 29, 2012 4:12 pm

I suppose for me it's just 4 and half years later you should be able to move on and find another realtionship.
The concept of never bothering becuase you missed out before seems alien to me.
I know you spent time with this girl and it was real but although you liked her she obviously didn't end up feeling the same and therefore what could've been is a fantasy. SHe wasn't the perfect girl becuase if she was you would still be together
I still think this is the route of you feeling low
You have never really worked through this satisfactorily and are getting more and more restless and low.
I agree with Skarlet on the pain issue too
Life is for living so live it to the fullest

Cheap Pandora Charms UK

User avatar
Bel Bel
Fully Fledged Flatmate
Fully Fledged Flatmate
 
Posts: 6758
Joined: Thu May 10, 2007 1:58 pm
Location: Hertfordshire
Gender: Female

Re: What's The Point?!

Postby mattmxl » Wed Aug 29, 2012 4:32 pm

I can see the point you make, not sure I'd agree with it entirely. The problem I have is not mainly one of fear of being hurt again, its more that no other woman has come anywhere close to making me feel like "she" did. Now, if I were to be in a relationship with another woman who didn't match up to "her", my mind would still wander to "her" and wish I was with "her" instead. No other woman would accept that! If another woman came along that made me feel like "she" did and was interested in me, I'd have no hesitation in trying to initiate a relationship with her and running the risk of being hurt again. But in the time since "her" and now, this has not happened. My theory being that in the number of women that I've met in this time, one of them surely would have if it was going to happen again. I'd quite happily run the risk of being hurt again, but I can't see it happening. This pain is not comforting, I'm never one to have found pain comforting I don't think.
mattmxl
Familiar Face
Familiar Face
 
Posts: 306
Joined: Thu Apr 09, 2009 12:53 pm
Gender: Male

Re: What's The Point?!

Postby mattmxl » Wed Aug 29, 2012 4:36 pm

It concerns me a little too Bel Bel, as you say, four years should be ample time for that to happen. But it just hasn't! No matter what the technique or the relentless efforts of others (who I still owe a debt of gratitude to this day), it just hasn't happened. Its not that I've not bothered to find another relationship since, its that none of the chances I've had at them have been anything close to this one.

If this does turn out to be the crux of it all I'll be delighted, because it'll be something to put the finger on and begin focusing on its correction. I'm just at a loss of exactly what can be done for it. As you say, its been well over four years, it should be sorted by now.
mattmxl
Familiar Face
Familiar Face
 
Posts: 306
Joined: Thu Apr 09, 2009 12:53 pm
Gender: Male

Re: What's The Point?!

Postby Bel Bel » Thu Aug 30, 2012 11:39 am

So you are destined to be alone forever because no one can match up to someone who doesn't love you back. God that sounds so depressing to me and I am not the one going through it

Have you tried some reading to help get some perspective on this
http://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Mend-Your-B ... 62&sr=1-11

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Heal-Move-Seven ... pd_sim_b_6

You have put this girl on a pedestal but she really can't be that great or why aren't you together?
Life is for living so live it to the fullest

Cheap Pandora Charms UK

User avatar
Bel Bel
Fully Fledged Flatmate
Fully Fledged Flatmate
 
Posts: 6758
Joined: Thu May 10, 2007 1:58 pm
Location: Hertfordshire
Gender: Female

Re: What's The Point?!

Postby mattmxl » Thu Aug 30, 2012 5:00 pm

I may just give that second one a cheeky purchase, thanks very much for the recommendation.

Bel Bel wrote:You have put this girl on a pedestal but she really can't be that great or why aren't you together?

The great person she is doesn't suddenly go away because she decided on three separate occasions she wasn't interested in me. She's still the caring and beautiful woman that she is deep down.
mattmxl
Familiar Face
Familiar Face
 
Posts: 306
Joined: Thu Apr 09, 2009 12:53 pm
Gender: Male

Re: What's The Point?!

Postby mattmxl » Sat Sep 01, 2012 3:16 pm

Insightful book! Blunt, but insightful, lol.
mattmxl
Familiar Face
Familiar Face
 
Posts: 306
Joined: Thu Apr 09, 2009 12:53 pm
Gender: Male

Re: What's The Point?!

Postby Bel Bel » Mon Sep 03, 2012 3:51 pm

Yes but that's my point she might be great with guy A but she isn't great for you. If it was meant to be she would be with you, she isn't. Do you really believe nobody else is capable of being as nice as her?
Also have you thought that had you got to know her for longer then maybe you would've found things you didn't like about her.
It just seems to me that there are a pair of rose tinted glasses perching on your nose and if you took them off maybe you would see there are plenty of other lovely people who you could share great times with.
Life is for living so live it to the fullest

Cheap Pandora Charms UK

User avatar
Bel Bel
Fully Fledged Flatmate
Fully Fledged Flatmate
 
Posts: 6758
Joined: Thu May 10, 2007 1:58 pm
Location: Hertfordshire
Gender: Female

Re: What's The Point?!

Postby mattmxl » Mon Sep 03, 2012 5:28 pm

Bel Bel wrote:Do you really believe nobody else is capable of being as nice as her?

No, I'm sure there are lots of great people out there, but I don't know them. Until I do, whats the point of a relationship? I'll always be thinking back to her. It's a huge liability.

Bel Bel wrote:Also have you thought that had you got to know her for longer then maybe you would've found things you didn't like about her.

There were a couple of things but nothing I would describe as significant.

Bel Bel wrote:It just seems to me that there are a pair of rose tinted glasses perching on your nose and if you took them off maybe you would see there are plenty of other lovely people who you could share great times with.

Well the only scientific way of knowing that for sure would be for you to meet her and see what she's like, which is extraordinarily unlikely to happen. Your eyes wouldn't be rose tinted and so could form an "unbiased" view.

It is ridiculous though and I do need to sort it out, that book gave some pretty useful exercises to do so will be giving those a try. If that doesn't work, its back to the drawing board. This is clearly the problem, thanks for all your patience.
mattmxl
Familiar Face
Familiar Face
 
Posts: 306
Joined: Thu Apr 09, 2009 12:53 pm
Gender: Male

Previous

Return to Cheer me up!

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Bing [Bot] and 1 guest