I'm worried about leaving everyone behind :(

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I'm worried about leaving everyone behind :(

Postby dreamcatchme » Sat Jan 23, 2010 8:32 pm

Okay so I'm in my final year at college, and was really happy when I got a conditional offer off my number one uni, to do a course in computer science and artificial intelligence...the only issue is the university is in nottingham, which is about 150 miles away from where I live with my parents at the minute, so clearly I would have to move out.

I've lived at home all my life and only ever had one job, so I don't suppose I'm a particularly independent person...I make friends okay, but the majority of the people at the university of nottingham are supposedly all rich and stuck up, whereas I'm relatively poor and most likely a bit common, so I doubt I'll fit in that well there. Nobody else I know has even applied to this uni, so I'd be completely alone, with no idea whatsoever what to do!

I'm pretty confident after spending a while there I could find my feet, and the idea of a fresh start does appeal to me, but I'm incredibly worried about what I'll be leaving behind. My family are quite close-knit, especially me and my mum (who suffers depression), and I worry if I leave that will change, and her depression would get worse. It's not as though I would have the funds (or the spare time considering how advanced the course is meant to be, I assume it will be taking up a lot of my time) to visit home often, maybe once every 2 month or so?

My main concern though, is leaving behind my best friend of 6 years and my girlfriend of 1. I love her unconditionally, and whenever I stop to think about how much I am going to miss her, it makes me re-consider the whole thing. She and I are both adamant that nothing will split us up, but I'm concerned that moving so far away from her when I'm used to having her a 5 minute walk away, will be just too much. I try to not let it show, but I am (in spite of my efforts) quite a jelous and insecure person; I can't help but think while I am away for 3 year, she will find somebody else, think "Hey, this is easier", and end things with me. At the end of this year she is hopefully doing another college course (this time in something she enjoys >.<), and I don't want to miss out on this, I want to be supportive of her, and not just over phone calls and text messages.

I've also applied to do a Digital Forensics course at Teesside University, which is far closer to home, and wouldn't change my life nearly as much - I would be able to commute, and I have plenty of friends that have also applied there, and my best male friend has even applied to the same course. The course here does interest me, and Teesside does supposedly have a very good reputation for it's forensics department - it's won an award or something...they haven't made me an offer yet, but *fingers crossed* I should be able to get in since the entry requirements are lower than at Nottingham. Truth be told, this course probably appeals to me slightly more, although the career prospects afterward are not as varied as those which I could get from Nottingham. I also worry that a degree from Teesside will not be worth as much as one from Notts.

Anyway, I think I have rambled on enough now, sorry about that :P I just want peoples opinions on what they would do if they were me? Stay local and do a course I would enjoy close to my family, friends, and partner, or move away for a more independent experience from a more respected university?

Thanks people :D
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Re: I'm worried about leaving everyone behind :(

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Mon Jan 25, 2010 1:24 pm

When you go to uni it doesn't matter how rich or poor you are; I went to uni with a relatively rich lot. There was only 2 people on the course who had a job their entire uni time (one was me); it doesn't matter how much money someone has or doesn't has - truth be told you'll all be skint pretty quickly so you will all be in the same boat.

I have a friend whose dad earn 5 figures doing ONE job. Another friend who thinks she is poor; her family own a farm; have put 3 daughters through boarding school and uni (one is a doctor - so a long time at uni) and my friend did a course at uni and then changed her mind and wanted to be a doctor - all paid for by her parents. But the point is we are all the best of friends. Everyone is from a different background, everyone is alone for the first time, everyone is in the exact same boat as you. I say go give the uni a chance as most people only get the chance once - go and enjoy it.

Also if you are going to Nottingham Uni "Rufio" lives there so she can maybe direct you to some good places :).
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Re: I'm worried about leaving everyone behind :(

Postby Bel Bel » Mon Jan 25, 2010 1:32 pm

Well you haven't been offered a place at teeside yet so that might solve the probelm for you if you don't get one

Assuming you get both your g/f mustn't be the reason to stay and nor should your mums depression. You could end up growing apart from your g/f and splitting regardless of whether you move away or you could always stay together regardless.

The choice must really be made on what you think will make you happiest in the long run and give you the best prospects.

I am positive you will make new friends. Just becasue people have money don't assume they will be stuck up. There may well be lots of other people just like you who have applied there too, just from all different parts of the country. Just because you don't know anyone personally doesn't mean no one has. Besides anyone on your course will have interests the same as you immediately or you wouldn't be doing the same course.

You can make a real effort to make regular contact so you don't feel like your missing out on family. Write letters, set up a web cam at home, with your g/f and one for you at uni. Send home videos of yourself. One day you will need to be independent and it will probably turn out to be one of the best things you could do in your life

Of course your scared and nervous, who wouldn't be but from what you have said about yourself and your course I don't think it's even a close call.

Yes your friend is going to Teeside but what if he left the course after two months because he didn't enjoy it. There are so many what if's. People change and sometimes grow apart anyway. A friend meets someone, gets them pregnant and needs to leave uni to get a job to support their new family, another decides to travel, takes a job abroad, b etc . I know it's difficult to imagine now but even if you stay home it doesn't mean things will all stay how you imagine them to turn out. You need to decide based on what's best for you
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This problem is universal, I am French and...

Postby chris » Tue Mar 08, 2011 7:26 pm

This problem is universal, I am French, and I had the same one two years ago. Like you the question about leaving family, friends and above all my girlfriend (2 years) was the most difficult one when I had to choose my college school.

Let me told you a little story:
we usually told to ourselves: " Our love is the more beautiful thing of our lives ", and I was completely agreed with that. But one day in the summer, after get my baccalaureate's results (very good) she seems sad, and after asking why, she told me that in contrary of me she doesn't really have something to be proud of. And I understand that love can't be enough, you need to be satisfy about yourself first.

So I knew that I must chose the best school that I can, I knew it because I need to keep self-satisfaction, and I think if you don't do that you will deeply regret it.

What about your passion of Artificial intelligence? You must be a passionate or you will become soon if you go to Nottingham, you don't want miss that chance to go deeply in this way. More your school is good more you have chance to like what you do, because of better teachers, materials, organisations...and even students !!! You will share the same passion, of course you will feel close to some of them and you’ll get new friends whatever if you’re rich or not...

What about girlfriend?... What about the new gap between yourself ? you will do very interesting stuff, your study will take all your time, you will become a different man as she will become and different woman, and furthermore if you see her so few, your behaviour with her will change, you will be more frustrated, won't you ? more again if you're a jealous guy.

In one hand, if you choose to stay for your girlfriend : you can't know in fact what will happened, because you don't really have control of it, be it your relationship with your girlfriend or again your mother's depression; but in the other hand all depend only of yourself, you have the control of YOUR FUTUR !
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Re: I'm worried about leaving everyone behind :(

Postby EPF1A » Wed Mar 16, 2011 11:27 pm


I think I understand you problem, which is clearly composed of many ones.
The first thing you should know is that you got a place for your number 1 uni, and that's sounds great, doesn't it ? So yes, it's far from where you spent your whole life, but as you said, you make friends quite easily. And do you think your mum wouldn't be happy to see you succeed in life, to see you study something you like ? I don't know her, but I still think she would. And for your girlfriend ? This experience should be a great test to be fixed about how you really feel with each other. Furthermore imagine she leaves for her own studies... I know it sounds a bit "cliché" but if you really love her, and if she really loves you, 150 miles aren't a problem (forgive me, I'm french O:) )

Oh, and about clichés, you seem affraid of students in nottingham and their high status, but you said it yourself too, they "are supposedly all rich and stuck up".

Don't hesitate asking your familly, or close friends ! I'm sure they will answer as objectively as possible.
I whish you good luck, and don't worry too much about it, you're still the master of the situation :wink:
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