Depression or just a rough time??

[SHYGLASGOWGIRL1988]

Hi I am looking for some advice....... I feel really "lost" right now. I have no get up and go. I am tired all the time and I get angry very easily. This is not me (I am normally a happy bubbly person) I have a lovely bf but right now I just want to be alone. I don't want to be "close" physically. I know its hurting his feelings but I cant seem to shrug this feeling. I wake up some mornings and as silly as it sounds "wonder where I am" (in the flat we share, although everything apart from the furniture is in his name and its far fro my family) I sometimes feel as if I am watching myself live, well maybe not live, more exist. He has 3 boys so I have to keep a smile for them but it is starting to drain the life out of me. I will cry uncontrollably sometimes (I might now even know why) I feel really confused and torn about what to do about my life. I always put myself last and I think I am starting to suffer from it. I try to please everyone else but it leaves me feeling battered and bruised .My bf lost his job the week of Christmas so I don't know if it is linked or not ( I have left another post in the bf/gf category) I don't talk to family because I don't want to worry them. I lost my dad 2 years ago and I coped pretty well I thought. I looked after my mum constantly the year after, we were never apart. Now I am miles away in a flat (moved out for the first time) I know my bf loves me so I should be happy??? I end up feeling super guilty for wanting to spend time with my friends and family. Then I feel guilty if I don't. It is so stressful. I think my bf thinks I make a lot of it up in my head but I really cant seem to shake this. I feel like a different person. I have lost myself and my love for life. I just want to run away sometimes to a remote island with no wifi and just think. I also feel really rubbish about myself..... I suffer from psoriasis and it is flaring up a lot just now and I have put on a lot of weight, its really bringing me down. My boyfriend thinks because he loves me the way that I am then that should be enough but I need to feel good within me ???? It hurts his feelings

Please help x

[highlandcow]

Hi again

You mentioned a lot of these issues in the Husbands and Wives thread which I have replied to there but a lot of the emotions you're experiencing now is in no small part related to your partner's insecurity. It could well be depression and, from what I've read, I wouldn't be surprised it it were. Have you talked to your GP? Or maybe try counselling. I think the first thing to do though, as I said in your other post, is to talk to your partner about how you're feeling, if you feel you would be safe to do so.

[SHYGLASGOWGIRL1988]

Thanx again highland cow:

I honestly just have no clue what is going on right now. It is just really confusing me right now.

Some of the feelings have been here for a while : the feeling of not being allowed to see friends/family etc. He said very early on that he loved me. In fact before we even met (met online). Very intense. Obviously at the beginning that is a lovely thing. All the I love yous, etc but sometimes I feel like I'm suffocating but when I do say he just gets annoyed and says I'm not considerate of his feelings. This has then made me really not want to say. Just thinks I'm down because of the "situation" but I just don't know.

I have an appointment with my gp for this week but I just fear I am wasting their time. I mean iv been through worse and came out fine... well at least I thought so. I lost my dad 2 years ago and coped well.... amazing if you asked me. I always thought I would have had some sort of nervous breakdown but I didn't. I had my mum to look after. I had to be strong for her and to my amazement I did.

Confused