by David020549 » Mon Aug 24, 2015 5:39 pm
MisterModest, you do not have a relationship with this girl you are a pen friend, someone to confide in, a shoulder to cry on when authority says " no you can't", you will probably never meet and if you do there probably will not be a second time, so don't get an emotional hang up on her.
You say you are 21, when you started corresponding you were around 17, she was probably 12 that was inappropriate and if I was her parent I would be concerned and stop it, so would most caring parents, parents do have a duty to protect and act in the best interest of the children. Kids need protecting until they are mature enough to make the correct decisions themselves, girls especially because the consequences of making the wrong decisions, bad partners, pregnancy, exploitation etc are more serious than for boys. Puberty for you was probably no more than shaving and becoming aware that girls existed, for girls it is a big deal, body changes, hormone changes, emotional changes and relationship changes, not all girls cope well and need a lot of help to adjust.
I am a parent of 3 girls, the eldest and youngest were not a problem but the middle one was, there were many arguments, sulking, foot stamping, tears, rages when she could not have her own way. The usual retort was " when I have kids I will never be mean to them like you", now that she has her own kids she is far tougher than we were, that is how much girls change.
At 16 most girls can make the right choices ( some never do ) before that they are children and protected by law, being a pen friend is not a problem but sympathizing with her might be seen as encouraging her to rebel against parents, could be construed as grooming and quite a lot of young girls run away from home to meet a secret boyfriend, that is why parents are so concerned, and why you should not get involved.
My advice on your "mentality" is spot on, socialize with your own age group both sexes, if you are very shy, then do it online at first, build up your confidence, join a club, it does not matter what, common interest is what starts most relationships. Most of us are dominated by our own sex when we are young, it's called role modeling and many guys that only have female close relations have problems cause there are no positive male role models, if you look around you there will be mostly male or mostly female groupings, that is normal for young people.
Age difference does not matter much amongst adults (18+) what matters is maturity and common interest I guarantee there are girls that are a match for you, just as shy, awkward and lacking confidence. One problem guys have is that if they are not confident they don't know how to approach a girl, so they stand back and look or watch, too afraid to make a move for fear of rejection, girls find that really creepy so avoid that. If you want some pointers how to approach girls just ask on this forum there are plenty of experienced women that will tell you how.
My final word STAY AWAY FROM UNDERAGED GIRLS (or boys)