Emotional state

[Lust]

I'm not really sure what's up with me. For the past few months something always seems to be bothering me...

It pretty much started last year, i started getting really irritable for no known reason and found it difficult to be around my parents for long without feeling like i just had to retreat to my room (quite a lot for me for saying i've gone from hating being alone, to wanting to spend most of the time on my own) then when i first started talking to my girlfriend last september, this mood seemed to go away slightly and i felt happier as a whole. However this happiness didnt last for long, and now i've been back to how i used to feel for a couple of months and it's possibly worse.

I started to blame my A Levels as i've just been doing my final exams recently and thought this was the explanation for why my mood can switch so suddenly from being fine, to feeling like i can't carry on anymore and feeling like crying-most of the time for no known reason. But as i finished my exams and everything last week, there hasnt been much of a change in my emotional state, other than obviously having less pressure on me to keep going with work/revision. For the past few days i have only moved from my room for food/drinks and spent most of the day attempting to bring myself out of this state.

Some of you might know if you've read my other post that me and my girlfriend have a long distance relationship which i have had to keep secret from my family after they found out and didnt take too well about it. Last night i was talking to her like normal and suddenly she snapped at me, telling me i always put myself first and i need to stop it because it's frustrating her. I havent seen her since May and there was a big mix up over my birthday which is in a couple of days time. I thought for a long time that she was coming down on monday to see my on my birthday and go out with me and my friends to celebrate, and 3 days ago i asked what time she was getting here and she told me she thought i didnt want her so didnt book any tickets. I took this pretty badly and was really upset about it, and i still havent got over it fully as i was so excited about seeing her as i thought the mood thing might be because i miss her. I told her this and this brought on her shouting at me for always thinking about myself and how im feeling, when really all i wanted to do was make myself feel better so im a bit better to be around. Luckily this argument faded slightly as she decided (after breaking up with me half an hour before) that i might be able to make things better. She suggested meeting in August as a kind of "make of break" type thing, where we'll leave the weekend either together, or apart.

Since then we've barely spoke, and it has added to my emotional state to the point where i've stayed in bed most of the day crying. Im not really sure what is going on, i thought all this would go away once i'd finished my A Levels and sorted out my course for next year, but even after all that, i still feel as if theres a massive rain cloud over my head.

Am i just being selfish? Im young, have my girlfriend still and have finished college with (hopefully) achieving good results yet this state of mind has taken over since it started last year and it wont budge. It's beginning to affect my quality of life to the point where my appetite has gone down to almost nothing, any little thing can leave me in tears and im struggling to motivate myself to get out of bed in the mornings.

[retrochav]

This sounds like a classic case of deppression to me. I recognise the symptoms as i suffer from it myself. I would suggest talking to your GP and asking about counselling.

Your sense of withdrawing from family is quite typical, although there is little relief from being alone. I feel like its my own mind i need to run from when i feel this way.

You arent being selfish - you wouldnt conciously choose to feel sad and low. It is frustrating for other people as they cant see how to help. Its like a wall comes down and they cant see how to scale it, this is possibly how your girlfriend feels.

Following your posts, I would imagine you are under tremendous pressure having to keep secrets from your family, trying to express love in a long distance relationship, and add to the mix exam pressures and results fears. Its no wonder you are feeling like you are.

There is no easy way out of these feelings, but do watch your appetite - i sometimes feel if i cant control anything emotionally then i will control myself physically...never a good idea, as without nutrition i quickly feel even worse about things.

I seem to recall you had an aunt who was sympathetic? Could she or someone like her help you by talking the problems through? This site always gives me a sense of comfort and care so maybe updating us here will help you too.

[Lust]

Im worried that a GP would just think im being stupid and that im wasting their time. Especially as im still pretty young, will only just be 18 tomorrow. Some people might think im just making it up, that's why only my girlfriend knows how i feel. For once i wish i could just switch my mind off and live normally for a bit, without feeling so mixed up

Yeah i have an aunt who lives in Newcastle, roughly 3 hours from where i am, and she's supportive of my and my girlfriend. I havent seen her in a couple of months due to her having glandular fever, something i didnt really need to be around while i was about to sit my exams. But hopefully i'll be seeing her within the next few weeks so will try to explain how im feeling, i just dont want to be a burden to people though.

The only control i seem to have over my body is with my appetite, and this possibly isnt helping matters, but the sense of control makes me feel slightly better as i know i have power over myself physically, albeit not mentally.

It's difficult keeping secrets, but unfortunatly my plan is to keep the secret for quite a lot longer yet, so when i finally come clean my parents will know im for real and not faking it.

[Bel Bel]

I doubt very much a gp would think your stupid
As retrochav says you have some classic symptoms the doctor should easily pick up on if you are as frank with him as you have been here
Go get help before it spirals out of control

[Lust]

Hello again guys, sorry to keep bugging you but something's not right.

A couple of weeks ago, just ater my birthday i started feeling ill, like sickness thing. For the past two weeks i've been irritable, had pain that comes and goes in my stomach, feel tired all the time even after a long sleep (i can sleep 10 hours and still require a nap or two for an hour during the day) and am struggling to eat much at all without feeling sick and getting pain. I also often feel dizzy and light headed.

Are these part of the possible depression?

Im thinking about booking an appointment for docs soon (been scared to go but am psyching myself up for it gradually) but dont know if these are also part of it or not.

I've been on holiday this past week and have struggled through it. Usually the sickness happens in the morning followed with stomach pain and tiredness and i found eating incredibly difficult while being away, and my appetite still hasnt returned. I can eat, but only child sized portions.

[LemonJuice87]

Is it possible that you could be pregnant?

Thinking back, this is exactly how I felt during pregnancy. Couldnt eat at all, tired constantly, stomach pains and irritable.

I might be off the mark a little bit, but thought i would throw it in there for some thought.

[snail]

It could be pregnancy, but it could just as well be part of your emotional state. You can easily feel this way physically if you're very upset mentally. I'm guessing you haven't had sex with a man recently, so hopefully pregnancy can be ruled out?

[rufio89]

I'd hazard a guess that Lust isn't pregnant, as she has a girlfriend

[Lust]

No there's no chance i could be pregnant as the last guy i slept with was over a year ago. Though would have been nice to get something good out of all of this lol

[Bel Bel]

STress can definately affect appetitie and do all sorts of strange things but see hte doc in case it's somehting else
Not sure if the symptoms match but gallstones and things of that sort can have an effect on eating and would certainly give you upset stomach and if you are ill could explain why you feel out of sorts

[Lust]

Just updating this to say i finally went to the doctors today and talked about this. Been put on anti d's and will be regularly checked to see how im coping

[snail]

That's good to hear.

[Bel Bel]

and thanks for updating us

[Lust]

Ok, it's day 3 and i successfully feel s**t. Been taking tablets at night as they make me a bit drousy and have woke up this morning and had 2 panic attacks and am still not feeling right. I know this is a common side effect but if this is going to stick around for a few weeks im actually considering taking myself off the AD. I simply cannot cope if this is going to keep going. Once again i cant eat, feel/have been sick and feel faint.

[Bel Bel]

Well often you don't get the benefits straight away but you are getting some nasty side effects

I think you should go back to the doctor, there are lots of different medication, it's about finding the right one for you and unfortunately it may take a few attempts but it will be worth it in the long run.