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To be honest it's difficult to know what was going on for her and what she was thinking. The fact that she didn't want to discuss moving in together is significant; if it had been something she was thinking about, expecting, and looking forward to then I don't think she would have responded like tha...

That does make sense then. I think myself it would be better to completely end your financial connection with the first lady, for everyone's sake really. Could you stop the payments but with plenty of notice (six months, maybe even nine months) so that she has time to make other arrangements? That w...

Well a couple of questions spring to mind. You refer to the first lady as a friend - does that mean you never had any kind of sexual/romantic relationship with her? If you did , then that makes her an ex rather than a friend. In that case, I can see why a current partner would not be happy about a c...

I'm so glad to hear it's finally over and you can start to re-build your life and have a good time now, Glasgowgirl. One good thing that will come from all this suffering is that you'll be stronger in your own self-confidence and opinions now and you'll always spot the signs if someone tries to do t...

Nearly 15 years for you, S_S, and 12 for me

We're fine, BRFC, how are you these days?

I really do believe we are soulmates I'll say to you something that someone on this site once said to me when I was in a very similar situation and that I found helpful - soulmates goes both ways . Your soulmate wouldn't dump you out of the blue when you seemed to be getting on so well. Your soulma...

Hello again! Yes, of course we remember you and have often wondered what had happened. That's excellent news. When you have time to give us more details, we will be here.

I think you have every right to be angry. The way he announced this - the utter unawareness of, or just disregard for, your feelings - is in keeping with other things you've said about him. To be honest, when you posted before about his saying he didn't want children, I felt that you should leave hi...

That does sound rather one-sided. Sometimes it can simply be that people make assumptions or get into habits though, and just don't think about it. Have you tried asking her to pay for things? It can be awkward but you could just say in a matter-of-fact way and as though it were a foregone conclusio...

Well, the flirty banter or even the hug could be platonic, but placing her hand on your bum is explicitly sexual. Whether she actually wants a relationship with you only she can say, but there's certainly sexual interest there.

Well, why do you think this is affecting you so much now, after all this time? There must be some reason it has come up again in your mind. What if she did lie, because she was scared - would it change how you feel now? If not, does it matter? What if she just deleted anything that could possibly be...

I think most people are in touch with more than one person at a time; the way I have done it is to assume that each of you is seeing other people and that's OK, until you agree that you're exclusive. Otherwise it would take such a long time, if you had to see each contact through to the very end bef...

A big thanks to the members who posted replies, but since Steve originally posted this problem exactly nine years ago, it should be resolved by now.

I think I would stay put, if you can. The practical reasons for this are, firstly, you can always change your mind and go at a later date if you really can't stand it, but once you have gone you can't come back. Secondly, why should you be the one to leave your job, family, friends etc, to avoid the...